FEMINISM POINT 1 - 0; MODERN WOMEN VS TRADITIONAL RELATIONSHIPS

Why is it that some men are scared and/or extremely uncomfortable to listen to women talking about their struggles? 
I can't be the only one that's noticed this for real, and I think the main reason is that our mothers, the gentle, docile angels, they are, taught their sons that they are better than their daughters. 
This gave rise to a generation of men who feel the entitlement like heat on a sunny afternoon. They believe that women are fine with their position and those that aren't are just idle troublemakers, and their situation is ideal-although they would not like it one bit if they had to trade places. 
They think they can just ignore it until the issue goes away by itself, and that those who are dogs will keep being dogs while their females endure it silently with prayers and discreet family interventions, just like their mothers did.
Some of the mothers actually have a self-loathing that translates into hating all fellow women, and viewing themselves as irrational, evil, parasitic, and generally useless (only useful for bearing sons I guess, so they can be taught to hate women by the very ones that give them life and so on and so forth).

Maybe this explains why men raised by single mothers tend to be so much better balanced and respectful while those from whole families are mostly spoilt pieces of dung, quite ironically... 
I can't really say about single fathers, as I personally know very few single fathers compared to single mothers (obviously), but they turned out ok too, generally a bit better than the whole families again. 

So this begs the question: have we become so toxic as human beings that our unions generally do more harm than good? Do we paint such a grim picture of living with our spouses that our offspring turn out forever flawed? 

May be arranged marriages of the past (and currently still in some setups) were the way to go, or maybe human beings are just not meant to be together and cohabit with the same individual for long periods of time. Besides, look at families where one or both spouses are away at work a lot, besides the cheating here and there by some rotten elements, their unions generally seem to last longer than those who, say, work together or close by. Strange argument, but hey, it's my observation and  an opinion, which I believe I'm free to express.
Another observation I've come up with over time is that men really love dumb, pushover women, especially those that claim they don't, possibly because when growing up, their fathers were away on some manly duty or other and neglected to teach them to man up, leaving them with their mothers and showing up every so often to discredit everything she did or even rough her up a bit right in front of them. 
They therefore grew up with a false sense of security and delusions in plenty of the way things 'need' to be, and when they went out into the world as half-baked adults with seriously underdeveloped emotional control and sense of responsibility, they had to look for women to fill in the gaps their mothers left so she would do all those things they grew up believing were taboo for a man to do. Instead of understanding that the job description they need to fill is for a house help (or nanny in some cases) they believe they should marry a woman and make her into their mother, hence the development of the bizarre trend of men cheating and having affairs all around. 
Because obviously you don't marry the woman of your dreams-I mean, who does that? You marry a woman you detest, so you can eventually weasel your way out of your home and into some other woman's arms in the name of 'pressure at home' and 'going through a tough phase' in which 'you don't understand each other' because 'things aren't the way they were in the beginning, when you married'. 
Lmao.
I have sadly also come across more than a reasonable number of men who live in absolute total physical filth and are so disorganized they might lose their brains in the mess, and when asked about it, they'll say things like 'I'm still looking for a wife' or 'the wife has not been here for a while'. Note that the 'wife' being talked about here is just a girlfriend working her ass off in the hopes that her contract will be renewed with permanent status, probably not knowing that when this finally happens, all outings, dates, and nights out will stop immediately because, well, who wants to be seen tagging around an actual 'wife'? 


And yet men wonder why so many women are resisting that term and position nowadays lol. It's the new village idiot position, and to tell the truth, who willingly nominates themselves as such?

So what's the point, and what's the solution? I would love to know because it's making life rather unpleasant to be honest. 
While sometimes I feel sorry for these babies in adult skin walking around scared shitless of practically everything but putting on a brave face and talking big, sometimes it just makes me sick to think that they cannot see what's wrong with them, and will continue on (Heaven forbid) to raise sons that are as screwed up as them. 
And no, I'm not even going to talk about that 'equality' stuff because that's the pet peeve that will be in contention until Christ returns to save us all from stupidity or something. Besides, solving that will be for most men like solving world peace for politicians; what else will they do with their time when they can't create propaganda and push agendas with religion and the likes?

May heaven have mercy on us all. 

Until next time, keep it Foxxy, and all the best in your current, or aspiring situation! 😉
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PICTURE-PERFECT RELATIONSHIPS, AKA 'COUPLE GOALS'

Hello darlings! I trust you have all kept well, loving even if treated unkind, and  healthy even if broke lol....
So early this week, thanks to the internet and a bunch of sleepless neighbors, we were served some drama when a prominent vlogging couple had a nasty breakup, or extension of a breakup, and got some text and even video evidence of the goings-on.
This made me want to write about those picture-perfect couples we all have seen at some point of our lives (especially on social media), or even have the pleasure of knowing personally. Although there is no such thing as a perfect union of any kind, we are all really easy to deceive and find ourselves typing fast 'couple goals' on pictures of people whom we have never ever met just based on what they share online.
As either a victim or ambassador (depending on where you stand) of being idolized as a perfect couple member myself, I'm here to tell you that the fights are bitter, and the compromise needed is out of this world.
Contrary to popular belief, we do not always split the tab and the house chores, neither do we find ourselves completing each other's sentences and being synchronous in everything we do.

Sometimes he wants left while I want right, and others he won't eat dagaa yet it may be all I'm craving for.
Other times he will refuse to help out with some duty when I'm feeling too unwell to do it, or even act up a storm if I ask him to help, and I in turn will archive this to torment him with days, weeks, or even months after the event, at my own pleasure.
Outside, people see us stepping aside for the other to pass, or calmly arguing about some issue or other with healthy attitudes and hearty smiles, and for some reason they think that we carry this to our home and stay like that from sun up to sun down.
This is honestly not even possible to say the truth, because we are two different people with different backgrounds and upbringing, different opinions and even different hormones flowing through us, of variable concentrations and combinations, so stress will affect us differently, for instance.
I cannot even start to say how difficult it is when I'm pregnant or we are going through some financial issue or just generally under pressure from life;we borderline turn into animals and the house becomes a multi-room fight club.
When the kids are around and/or awake though, we try very hard to disagree amicably; so hard, in fact, that it is becoming a kind of second nature to us to have a diplomatic fight without raising our voices or lifting our fists against each other. Personally I grew up

in a home where my parents fought plenty, openly, and no holds barred, though never physically but verbally and up to this day, I can't stand being yelled at and being in an environment where people are yelling at each other stresses me tf out.
I do not want to put my kids through this, and fortunately, neither does he, so for this I am lucky-we all are, because we have relative peace of mind while at home, and even if the two of us are fighting, it becomes very exhausting to keep switching from angry to happy, back to fight mode then again play mode. Over time, I hope we will be able to stop altogether, but I am not disillusioned enough to imagine that our seas will be permanently calm.
Still, I keep praying for the best.
I believe that it is this kind of irrational thinking that has pushed the divorce rates through the roof, the thinking that one can find a spouse that will never be angry, will always be supportive, and will never be broke (lol for that one especially). It is not even that they grew up in perfect households, and they are not perfect themselves, but they seem to think that they can have a tv-kind of person, and it saddens me to say that girls and ladies are the worst afflicted.
It is so bad that I had a friend who used to tell me that she's 'talking to' about four guys at any given point, and when I asked her how she would feel if the guys were also 'talking to' other ladies, she hesitated before saying that she would not really mind. So then I asked her what her endgame was, and she told me she wanted to settle with one that ticked a majority of her boxes, which included having a car, and for the longest time ever, she would pick a guy then drop him, because according to her 'he was wealthy but didn't have good looks, or he was handsome but didn't drive, or he expected me to stop talking to the other guys'
..etc....
...etc....
....etc....
So eventually I told her she wasn't being realistic, and that she should also realize she had some glaring flaws herself so she can't just hop from boy to guy to boy and so on because eventually she would fail at her own game, and she chastised me, asking me why I was saying that things like driving were not necessarily deal breakers yet when I met and settled for my boyfriend/baby daddy/mzee he was driving.
I wondered if it had been a competition all along, but she went on to tell me that most of her friends

in serious relationships were with driving guys. It didn't seem to change her mind when I told her that he was not driving at the time we met, and we actually got serious a while before he  got the car, and though we stopped arguing at this point, I'm not sure if she heard me. All the same, she eventually settled down with a guy with a car, and a general nice personality, so I was kinda relieved that she had managed to have her cake and eat it too, and yes, there is no tragedy to read about here.
I was a bit careful about talking relationship issues with her after that however, because we were clearly of two very different mind-sets, and we drifted apart since then so apart from the random checking up on her, we don't exactly talk that much.
It just got home to me at that time that females seem to have their priorities messed up, because they will very often choose wealth over charisma, kindness, and even health.
I'm not saying go to the gutters to collect the brokest of the broke, after all guys will also seek out the most attractive female they can find to shack up with, just that you should not dismiss everyone who can't drive you to a black-tie dinner every two weeks because who knows, you may walk everywhere but glow from the unadulterated love you are getting, all while keeping fit.....
That's all I have for today, and I hope that people(women) will stop trying to get impossible ideals while they are themselves very basic and have little to offer besides warmth on a bed. Til next time, stay sane my friends!
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DEATHLY HALLOWS; OF RELATIONSHIPS THAT END IN DISEASE, ASSAULT, OR DEATH

Hello mamis!! I hope you're all doing well, I missed you (from the bottom of my heart I promise) so welcome back, and pick your assigned seats......
Last week was wild; from the story of the gospel artists who had some convoluted threesome and infected the lady with herpes (the Greek God of STD's as somebody I know calls it lol), and the tale of the randy pastor who tried to get some former students into bed, to the sad event of the woman who got murdered by her husband and his lover (they say it's a bit complicated so I will leave it at that).
I honestly don't even know where to start, or how much to give to each individual unit, so here goes the mixture of all the mentioned and probably some more, in as good an order as my kinda tipsy mind will allow (do not judge me, I wrote this on a Friday)...

So, PART 1: THE GOSPEL ARTISTS
This one is headed in red with good reason: church people, preacher's kids, and generally gospel
personalities in the limelight have for the longest time been prone to drama, and very unlikely scandals, from theft and abuse, to promiscuity and even murder, they have it all. makes you wonder about those hidden from public view......
So anyway a lady sent a series of messages to a famous blogger in the 254, telling him she had some juice on gospel artists who are not at all what they claim to be. By the time I got to the end of her story though, I had already taken plenty pinches of salt because in summary it went something like this: Guy X calls lady, who featured in some video or other, and tells her he wants to meet up, and she agrees. This is after they have chatted for a while and have become familiar with each other, in the millenial way at least, so they are flirty and have actually agreed to meet up to sample the forbidden fruit. On arrival at the meeting point, X is with friend Y and after lady boards the car it is decided to  go to Y's house instead of paying for a lodging as earlier agreed. Lady agrees, and they go to the house, then start to make out after some drinkd consumption (I'm not sure whether it was alcohol or soft drinks). As the momentum builds up, lady says she is uncomfortable of doing the deed in front of Y, as at this point they are all in the living room, and X graciously agrees, so they move to the bedroom. Once there, and smack in the middle of things, the door opens and Y walks in, naked and ready for action, and he wastes no time starting to fondle lady and etc haha.... Lady objects to this, as it was not part of the arrangement, so it ends at this point, she dresses up, and leaves.
On a future date, Y sends a text message to lady, asking her to kindly forgive him for his misdeeds, and she (kinda) agrees, so from this they begin to talk. One thing leads to another and soon enough they meet up and do the deed, this time X is not in the equation and as it goes, they raw dog it because, well, natural selection and all....
Some time passes after this encounter, and trouble begins, when lady develops some painful boils and sores around her treasure trove, and one hospital visit leads to another, and soon enough the expenses are too much to keep up with even with her sister and mother helping her out. By the time she's diagnosed with herpes, it is situation critical and so she texts Y and lets him know of her mishaps. He delivers true to forms, and ignores her, refusing to send any money and telling her to go right ahead when she threatens to go public with their rendezvous, which she does, even getting an interview on TV to tell of her woes.

Here are some questions for that section:
1) She was at least 19 years old by that time, legally an adult, and she knew full well what they were going to do (hell they did it severally), so why is fida claiming they need to assist, and throwing around rape allegations, yet lady never said they forced her at any point? The only criminal thing in this case would be if Y knew that he was infected, and went on to infect her intentionally refusing to use any protection.
2) What end result did she expect exactly, jumping from one guy to another, neither of which she knew, and even being bold enough to not used protection? I honestly want to know what her endgame was.
3) On going public with this story, what has she done to her dating prospects for the future? She is after all carrying a disease, after sleeping with two guys she was not in a relationship with and whose circumstances are generally suspect.... I am not being a judge here, but honestly if you have at least three brain cells co-operating you know that safe sex is the best sex.
I write all these at risk of being labelled a woman-hater and such, because there are always such individuals out there, but I would appreciate it if I got responses to my three questions above, as I am indeed very curious.

PART 2: PASTOR TESTOSTERONE 

Three ladies told of the story of a pastor who used to go to their school to minister with them, before they cleared school last year, and whom they randomly met at some mall in the city. They were naturally happy to see him, so they talked and hang out a bit then went home, only to get a call at around midnight from the guy. He told them something about needing a place for the night so they directed him to their place (shared I presume), where they somehow civilly passed the night. The next morning, he came up with a grand idea to go on a road trip out of they city and they all agreed, not telling their parents since they were to get back that same day after all.
Needless to say, this did not happen, and at some point they went to a club and the pastor did not drink, but he offered to buy them alcohol which they refused (thankfully). All this time they were with a friend of the pastor who took alcohol, and by the time they were done, it was night, and they had no fare, and could not call their parents to ask because this would land them in trouble, and since the pastor offered to pay for a shared room with two beds, they agreed to stay, only to be told once they got there that "two circumcised men cannot share a bed". Two in the pastors bed and one with the other guy, it was a long night, during which the pastor kept trying to grope them, so the ride back home the following day was extremely uncomfortable needless to say.
When they got back in home territory, trouble was not over yet because he invited the two remaining girls to a fellowship at the church, as one of them left the second she could, wise if you ask me... Soon after their arrival at the bustling meeting, everybody left and it was once again just the pastor and his two scared victims, whom he tried in vain to convince to go back with him for one last night but they refused.
Here, I will not ask questions but rather just state a fact: Gospel music and Christianity as a whole is a sham in Kenya, where the scoundrels all go to hide, so that they can escape judgement from their fellow man but seem to not give a hoot about the one they claim to serve.

PART 3: WIFE, MISTRESS, NEW LOVER, POSSIBLE OTHER LOVER ETC 
This is the saddest part, because it left one woman dead, and a few children in broken families missing one, or in one case both parents...
The body of a woman was retrieved from a dam last week, leading almost immediately to the discovery of her car which was also missing for a day. Her husband had reported her missing the previous day, an due tho fast development of the case was arrested when he went to the dam where the body was found, claiming he had seen a post online saying a woman's body had been found, and he was looking as he was still trying to find his wife. His lover was arrested soon after to aid in investigations and the next day, the story thickened when his very first wife came forward to tell her story, of how he left her and their daughter after some years together, to go and be with the lady who had been murdered. It was a sad case of karma, and it was even stranger still when yet another lady emerged, or rather was dug up from social sites, having taken various pictures together with the guy.
Four women in total, and three children whose lives will be changed forever. We always hear of red flags and all that and sometimes it ends in this worst case scenario of murder, because the guy most likely wanted to leave this second woman, for either the third one or the fourth one, and carry on like that until the end of time. So why do some men feel the need to jump continuously from one woman to another for the rest of time, and actually lead each woman to believe that she is the only one and the final one, makes me wonder is it lust or deceit that makes these relationships fun for the guy?

All in all, it was a hectic week all around and I am glad it's over, on to new challenges and all that, think of ways to further my life and whatnot. Stay safe my friends, and stay disease-free as well but above all, stay smart and until next time, keep it foxxy!!
Also read it here!

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THE APP OF THE DEVIL LOL

The day of lovers, what a wonderful, warm, love-inspiring name.... if only we were a pair of normal people who did not respond to feelings of disconnection in our relationship by downloading tinder on our phones *sigh*. Welcome to today's post though, read on, that you may be wiser where I was not, and that you may not fall in the same potholes I fell in....

The story begins when we have a mood fight at some point of the evening because I'm feeling unwell and don't get the degree of pampering for the length of time I had envisioned and I end up feeling lonely, bored, restless, and alone.

 They were not wrong when they talked about an idle mind being the devil's workshop, and in the wee hours of the night with sleep still some light years away from me, I get a bright idea. Pick up my phone, and try to resist at the last moment, opening pinterest to look at some crochet ideas in a small effort to occupy my mind. It doesn't really work, the way nothing does when you have sex on your mind, so with a sigh, I open the play store, and start to type.

It seems the universe is plotting with me here, I get the suggestion just after the first letter and click on it, then click 'install' with a kind of anxious hope that my phone does not have enough memory but alas, I did get the extra RAM for moments like this, clever, silly me. At this point I am strangely starting to get sleepy but it's too late now and there's no turning back. So I log in, and get asked to confirm my phone number, but start to get taken round in circles because I didn't pick the facebook option to log in, and I didn't want to because *information theft.....
I have to do this in the end though, and this worsens my already bad mood some more, but I am in, and I have messages, from my past chats, like a year and a half ago. I curiously go through them, stealthily creeping along not to trip any live wires that might be there, but only for a second. I loose the care in a snap and go through the messages, responding to some, ignoring others, swiping left and right on the main page, etc. I get a message and I am rather surprised, it is after all half past one in the morning, and I though it would take a while to get those old gears going. It's a blast from the past, with a VERY randy message, one that makes me look over my shoulder in a mix of fear and childish glee.

Wow....
Do I want to do this really?
I don't feel too sure if this is what I wanted........... So I respond in the positive and it's on, but not for long. Seems my chat-mate is sleepy as he's soon offline, I learn after I doze off myself and wake up to no responses. I get a brief vision of hastily undressing in the throes of passion just to fall asleep before any activities, barking dogs, ha.
Naturally, I awake with some difficulty at some minutes past eight and wonder if my indiscretion is still private.... The notification bar is alive with a million things; twitter, whatsapp, instagram, telegram, text, and of course, tinder. I carry the phone to the living room where he's sat down, we pour the tea and pair it with some sweet potatoes that I regret buying; they are watery and stringy as hell but well whatever.
A child randomly yells outside, another screams, so I go outside to investigate but cannot come to any conclusion with no injuries in sight, I go back to my tea. We have some conversation about nothing in particular amidst sips of tea and screams of babies, and he asks if I will be so kind as to open the gate for him, I agree, and though I catch something there I am not too sure what it is so I
release it.
He leaves, I finish my tea, then pick my phone up from the seat where I left it, and start to clear the notifications one by one, but there are no red flames from tinder any more..... I was sure there were about four when I woke up, or did I open the damn app before going out to look at the yelling kids? I can honestly not remember at all so I let it go, no point losing my mind over something I will know soon enough, one way or another.
Days pass and I guess he's gotten as numb as me, or is playing some strange game so I think ok, I will wait it out and cross that bridge when I come to it.....
Also read it here!
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WAYS IN WHICH PEOPLE RESPOND TO BEING CHEATED ON

Hello my lovely foxxes, I trust that you have been well and that you're chasing your dreams with lots of vigour, working on your well being and what not :-)

So, early this week I came across a post on Twitter of a scorned woman calling out her 'co-wife' and saying she's left her home to her randy husband and her because she could not stop screwing a man she knew was married. Of course people in the comments had all manner of opinions, from supporting her and consoling her to being shitty insensitive supporters of the guy, or his side chick, or both haha.
I felt her pain because I have been on the receiving end of this nonsense more than once and I knew the range of emotions she must have gone through. She got to putting it up on social media though, and I always stopped just one step short of this as I thought it would work against me in the long run because 1, the internet never forgets, and 2, we don't know what the future has in store for us and life has a funny way sometimes. Plus, keyboard warriors are the worst; they don't know you and they don't really care so your chances of being bullied right off the edge of that cliff you're standing on are very high.
We are all different though, and being a person who never told anyone about it -family, friends, or frienemies- I never understand how someone goes online to air this laundry out....
So it got me thinking of the different ways in which people respond to being cheated on because it occurred to me that there's quite a few, and I wrote this article up, about the different categories of scorned women out there .... Read on, and be sure to let me know in the comments section which of these categories you fall under, if you dare haha  

THE FORGIVING WIFE
I have to say that this is either the most common, or the rarest of the categories, depending on who you listen to. You have to consider the fact that most of those who forgive do not go public with the information in the first place so this survey is grossly off, mainly because they feel shame and feel as if society will judge them for being cheated on (which it does almost always anyway). So rather than be told that the randy animal of a male strayed because she couldn't cook, or couldn't sex him right, or placed career or children before him, they choose to stay mum and just swallow the pain caused to them.
This results in one of two things, either the woman will get so bitter from all the heartache and will loathe all other women she perceives might be in a better situation than her, and will live the most miserable life you could imagine. Alternatively she will try to hold it in, but without regular outlet the pressure builds up slowly over time then like a pressure cooler, boom! A homicide, suicide, or both are the worst case scenarios in this case.
The other type of forgiver is the one that is lucky enough to have a partner that truly regrets his action, and works through some healing process religiously resulting in a better future for both, and a happy marriage in the end. If you have one of these unicorns, pray every day that they will not be corrupted by the millions of mules out there lol.


THE VIOLENT WIFE

This class is glorified in movies, I guess because, well, drama. She will key your car, or spray paint it lewd things. She will trash the house if it's yours or throw you out like a dog if it's hers. She will sue you if she can and will cut off your friend's and family, calling you all a classless nasty lot that everyone should avoid, then she will leave in a huff after causing as much physical damage as she possibly can afford to.
Sometimes she will be violent, ambushing you when you don't really expect it or can't do anything in your defence. Other times she will pretend all is well, but will start to grind glass and mix it in your food, waiting patiently for the day you die an agonizing death then bury you and your nonsense with a perfect poker face. I have to say at this point that I do not endorse any of these actions, at any point or for any reason. Life is sacred and no one has the right to take it away from somebody else.

THE EYE FOR AN EYE WIFE
I have heard that this one is a bad one, mainly because she does to you what you did to her, only more publicly, or with someone that it just kills you to imagine, like your boss, your best friend, your brother, your father....
Because the guy will feel her pain and realize he has absolutely no excuse that can be viable, it hurts all the more especially when he asks the same questions he asked and gets the same responses that he gave; they do say that revenge is a dish best served cold.
Most of the time she does this as a last resort and really doesn't care if you leave her or not, as long as she gave you a taste of your own medicine, then that's fine with her. For the obvious reasons like disease or an awkward pregnancy especially in the event the two stick together, this method seems to me the equivalent of splattering your own clothes with mud because someone came and sat next to you with mud on THEIR clothes. Love is said to be blind, but some of the times its deaf, dumb, and down right crazy as well... I will stop here because I am not too far from this type of madness, as you shall see in the future if you stick around lol.


THE DRAMATIC WIFE
This category is men's favorite one, because there is plenty of huffing and puffing, but no action in the end. She will cry and yell, threaten to kill and threaten to leave, threaten to tear you to pieces with her bare hands and say she will not put up with this shit.
At the end of it all, it will be a lot of words and no action, so the guy often just waits until it blows over, resets and goes back to his side chick next time: rinse and repeat. The more a woman does this, though, the more she demeans herself and sets up the stage for her downfall soon, because everyone knows that a barking dog never bites, her partner will have no reason to change because he can have his cake and eat it too and will get comfortable in his ways.

THE WIFE IN DENIAL
This one will never see the husband as the actual problem, but will always see other women as the issue with her relationship. We all know that men lie, so sometimes they manage to fool some naive girl that they are in love and she buys it at the recommended retail price. She either does not get to know that the randy goat is married, or knows but falls for the classic 'we are going through our divorce and I'm miserable but I love you' crap and while this is not to say it's a valid excuse, it happens. Or the other woman is simply a classic hoe.
Now the wife comes to know about the affair and what does she do? Gets the other woman's number and calls her up with threats and insults, or physically goes to her and slaps her around, or if she's powerful enough she hires a hit man to finish off her competition.

Why does she do this, you wonder, does she not see her guy is the issue? She does, but does not want to accept it, so she resents other women who she feels might be desirable to her man (if he can still be called that), and makes herself his bodyguard, barking at any female entity that dares come near hers.
In my opinion, this just keeps working against her because what she has done is tell her guy 'whatever you do, (whoever you do), I will be there waiting to catch you when you fall'. So he will keep at it until he gets tired, fat chance of that happening though.


So there you go, what do you think about my list? Did I leave any type of scorned woman unmentioned? Be sure to let me know in the comments section if I have, and until next time, keep it foxxy my dears!!
Also read it here!
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A ROYAL WEDDING, AND A FALSE ACCUSATION

While Meghan Markle was lucky kissing her prince sometime last year, some of us -myself included- were still struggling with the toads that we chose to be yoked to for eternity. It was a very busy weekend in general terms; and today's post is not advice or anything like that, but a story of sorts that you may or may not learn a lesson from so hear ye, hear ye, my sorrowful tale of being falsely accused....

It has happened so many times that I lost count, but there was a previous incident whereby after filling the kiddy pool with water and trying to get the babies to play in it, we went to the house, and left our resident trouble maker outside. The water had still been running because it was so slow in filling the pool so he said he was going to shut it since we were done and off he went in the direction of the tap.
Quick jump to the evening, when the driveway was filled with water and I was outside doing some light weeding in the kitchen garden when he came up to me and said, 'you know you drained the pool'.
This sounded strange and because I was surprised I asked him, 'what?' To which he repeated his statement, and said that when I pulled the pipe out of the tap with the other end still in the pool, it siphoned the water out hence the wet driveway and almost empty pool.
I stood upright and told him, in the most calm way that I could, that I was not insane, and I had not even gone near the tap since leaving the area with the pool. He was the one who shut the tap and did whatever else he did so why now was he blaming me?
He must not have expected this because he just turned around and walked away, smart if you ask me, and good for both of us as it would save us a tiring exchange, more so on our son's second birthday.
So now on the weekend in question, it seemed to me that he is trying to refresh his gaslighting on me by doing things and then very sanely and calmly blaming me to see if I fall for it. Unfortunately, I have learnt that this is his trick so now my immediate reaction when he accuses me of anything is to deny, deny, deny, as he always does.

This time, my latest gripe, is when he tried blaming me for not giving him complete feedback about an engineer he had requested me to follow up for him, concerning verification of some drawings. As the story went, we were together that whole day, when I called up my contact person who told me that he did not personally know any registered engineers, but that he knew someone who worked in a printing shop who might know one- a broker, if you will. I told him thanks and he forwarded the number to me and I relayed the info back to my deaf-man; in a conversation that went as follows:
Me: So I don't think we'll get any help from there as he said his dad is not registered and he does not personally know a registered engineer, the person who's number he has forwarded to me is just someone who works in a printing shop so he will broker us and will definitely want some payment in return, defeating the purpose of the cheapness we are trying to get.
Him: .... Silence......... Then call him and ask him if he can send us to the person he works for and we will negotiate.
Me: The person he works for is a printer. They do not have any drawing or approving capabilities because they just print. Will you be fine with being sent to someone else through him, then pay both of them?
Him: Just call him and ask him.
Me: Here's his number, I think it would be better if you talked to him as I'm not sure what or how exactly I'm supposed to ask him.
Him: Well if he's not an actual engineer then it's fine I guess he can't help us.

*****************************conversation ends*********************************

So, at some point his phone went off and he needed to talk to some people and meet up so we put his sim card in mine and he had it for the better part of the evening.

Forward to the next day, where he's out and I can't reach him due to network disturbances and I have a long day comprising of cramps and burning my fingers on the ugali sufuria. At some point his mother calls me and after some small talk asks me when I last spoke to him, and I can literally hear the disapproval in her voice when I tell her about three hours ago, to which she says ok, goodnight, talk tomorrow, then we hang up.
This gets me feeling some (bad) type of way because it is not the first time that his parents have said and/or implied that I need to constantly know where he, is, and reach out to him, call him, and talk to him. But just how the shit do you keep tabs on a grown man with his own agenda who most of the times picks up your call with a sigh, because you're just bugging the soul out of him? I need a course on how to do this, and I also think that if his parents could not tame him in all the time they have known him, it's unfair to give me that responsibility; I have never in my life professed to being a miracle worker.

So anyway finally his phone goes through, and my emotions are still smarting from the call and trying to restrain myself from saying something stupid, as I often do when angry. We start off on a bad note but things calm down and there's actually even a light joke thrown somewhere in there at some point.
He calls me when he's at the gate, and says he has the key anyway so don't bother. I say ok but go outside all the same after some minutes so I can close it once he's in, but there are no characteristic lights under the gate to signal his presence. I stand around for a bit then go back in, because the cold is making me miserable.

After a few minutes, I hear the gate open, he gets in, and closes it, and gets into the house, says hi to the kids, and comes to the room, where I am, having just gotten out of the loo.

No hello, so I volunteer one that gets the coldest response you ever heard, and before I can recover, he hits me with 'why did you refuse to follow up with the lead we had for a registered engineer?' I literally wonder out loud, 'what the fk!?' 'I refused to follow up???? did you show interest past the point we left it at? I told you he sent me a number and you had the phone, did you call him??' He walks out of the room and heads into the kitchen.

At this juncture I realize I have just gone fifty shades angrier but I cannot stop myself, and I try, believe me. I follow him there, and tell him to try and not blame me for his mistakes and failures because when I offer to help it does not mean that he needs to step out of the situation and be an observer, with no input. He says it's ok and he will help himself in the future and will never ask for my help, so I can just leave it at that he does not want to listen to me anymore.
This strikes a raw nerve, so I do what every angry woman does; cut open an old wound then pour the salt in. Suddenly it's about his being late a month ago, it's his general irresponsibility, the way he talks to me, etc etc. and just everything else we have ever fought about. He's getting angry and asking what that has to do with anything, could I please just shut the hell up and leave him alone, he just wants some peace etc, but I'm on a roll so I carry on, til I'm all spent, and go back to the bedroom just after he calls his mother asking her what she told me over the phone to get me so upset.
I don't hear the exchange though it's a short conversation. I know she's going to take this opportunity to give me a talk of how to stay well in a 'marriage' as if this sham is one, and as if I'm responsible of the actions for her son. I get madder at the thought but pour some whisky in a plastic cup and drink it bitterly and I guess it calms me down  bit.
I get to work on the laptop doing random things and put up a blog post (not this one, I'm not that fast haha) and end up sleeping at 3 a.m.
Is this how I want to raise our kids really? Did I not learn from my mum and dad that this is the recipe for messed up adults?
Stay foxxy out there.
I wish I had more alcohol.

XOXO