FEMINISM POINT 1 - 0; MODERN WOMEN VS TRADITIONAL RELATIONSHIPS

Why is it that some men are scared and/or extremely uncomfortable to listen to women talking about their struggles? 
I can't be the only one that's noticed this for real, and I think the main reason is that our mothers, the gentle, docile angels, they are, taught their sons that they are better than their daughters. 
This gave rise to a generation of men who feel the entitlement like heat on a sunny afternoon. They believe that women are fine with their position and those that aren't are just idle troublemakers, and their situation is ideal-although they would not like it one bit if they had to trade places. 
They think they can just ignore it until the issue goes away by itself, and that those who are dogs will keep being dogs while their females endure it silently with prayers and discreet family interventions, just like their mothers did.
Some of the mothers actually have a self-loathing that translates into hating all fellow women, and viewing themselves as irrational, evil, parasitic, and generally useless (only useful for bearing sons I guess, so they can be taught to hate women by the very ones that give them life and so on and so forth).

Maybe this explains why men raised by single mothers tend to be so much better balanced and respectful while those from whole families are mostly spoilt pieces of dung, quite ironically... 
I can't really say about single fathers, as I personally know very few single fathers compared to single mothers (obviously), but they turned out ok too, generally a bit better than the whole families again. 

So this begs the question: have we become so toxic as human beings that our unions generally do more harm than good? Do we paint such a grim picture of living with our spouses that our offspring turn out forever flawed? 

May be arranged marriages of the past (and currently still in some setups) were the way to go, or maybe human beings are just not meant to be together and cohabit with the same individual for long periods of time. Besides, look at families where one or both spouses are away at work a lot, besides the cheating here and there by some rotten elements, their unions generally seem to last longer than those who, say, work together or close by. Strange argument, but hey, it's my observation and  an opinion, which I believe I'm free to express.
Another observation I've come up with over time is that men really love dumb, pushover women, especially those that claim they don't, possibly because when growing up, their fathers were away on some manly duty or other and neglected to teach them to man up, leaving them with their mothers and showing up every so often to discredit everything she did or even rough her up a bit right in front of them. 
They therefore grew up with a false sense of security and delusions in plenty of the way things 'need' to be, and when they went out into the world as half-baked adults with seriously underdeveloped emotional control and sense of responsibility, they had to look for women to fill in the gaps their mothers left so she would do all those things they grew up believing were taboo for a man to do. Instead of understanding that the job description they need to fill is for a house help (or nanny in some cases) they believe they should marry a woman and make her into their mother, hence the development of the bizarre trend of men cheating and having affairs all around. 
Because obviously you don't marry the woman of your dreams-I mean, who does that? You marry a woman you detest, so you can eventually weasel your way out of your home and into some other woman's arms in the name of 'pressure at home' and 'going through a tough phase' in which 'you don't understand each other' because 'things aren't the way they were in the beginning, when you married'. 
Lmao.
I have sadly also come across more than a reasonable number of men who live in absolute total physical filth and are so disorganized they might lose their brains in the mess, and when asked about it, they'll say things like 'I'm still looking for a wife' or 'the wife has not been here for a while'. Note that the 'wife' being talked about here is just a girlfriend working her ass off in the hopes that her contract will be renewed with permanent status, probably not knowing that when this finally happens, all outings, dates, and nights out will stop immediately because, well, who wants to be seen tagging around an actual 'wife'? 


And yet men wonder why so many women are resisting that term and position nowadays lol. It's the new village idiot position, and to tell the truth, who willingly nominates themselves as such?

So what's the point, and what's the solution? I would love to know because it's making life rather unpleasant to be honest. 
While sometimes I feel sorry for these babies in adult skin walking around scared shitless of practically everything but putting on a brave face and talking big, sometimes it just makes me sick to think that they cannot see what's wrong with them, and will continue on (Heaven forbid) to raise sons that are as screwed up as them. 
And no, I'm not even going to talk about that 'equality' stuff because that's the pet peeve that will be in contention until Christ returns to save us all from stupidity or something. Besides, solving that will be for most men like solving world peace for politicians; what else will they do with their time when they can't create propaganda and push agendas with religion and the likes?

May heaven have mercy on us all. 

Until next time, keep it Foxxy, and all the best in your current, or aspiring situation! 😉
Also read it here!                                                                XOXO   

WHY HE DOES NOT WANT YOU TO GET A JOB

They say that all is fair in love and in war but is it really? Is it fair, for instance, to take someone as a prisoner simply because they love you?
This post is about a major issue that does not get the airplay it deserves; when a woman is in a relationship with a guy that works extremely hard at keeping his woman out of the workplace, or even getting her out of it when she's already in.
I have had my own perspective on this and I came to the conclusion that despite his well-meaning sentiments and words, any control-freak is very uncomfortable with the idea of his spouse being away from the house hustling or formally employed, so read on.
Below are five reasons which I have come to understand make some men shake in their boots when they hear their wives/girlfriends have gotten jobs. Do let me know what you think in the comments section.

Stuck In The Stone-age

In the past, men were the hunters while women were the gatherers, and since hunting guaranteed greater quantities and more variety of food, it followed that they were the main providers in any family unit.
As much as society has changed, some people refuse to budge from this ancient way, both men and women. The women will strive to fit this role by contributing nothing at all financially to the family and wait on the husband to provide , while the men in this mindset will believe that any marriageable woman must be willing to quit her job if she has one, or not look for one if she doesn't.
While some such men will be sensible enough to find a woman who is willing to abide by this and let her know the terms from the get-go, there are those who foolishly find a woman who is a career-type, hide his intentions from her, and then try to coerce or bully her into changing to suit his purposes.
Such a man will not mind if his means of livelihood alone is not enough to sustain a family unit well and will insist that his woman sees his side of things all the while turning a blind eye to hers.
There are women who would love this, while there are others who would not, so it is in everyone's best interests to talk about these expectations early on in the relationship and save hurt feelings in the end.

Control
Men love to be in control, and it fits them, but sometimes they abuse this position that society has so generously provided for them and want to control the behaviors, needs, and even emotions of their spouses.
In this scenario, he will start with small and random non-issues which you should look out for such as asking you to stop dressing the way you dress despite it being decent and to drop your favorite pastimes in favor of the ones he wants.
Soon enough he will target your job, even if he has a lousy one or does not have one at all, coming up with silly reasons like he wants you to spend more time with him or something. The more you indulge him, the bolder he will get, and soon you may have to drop your friends and ignore your family in a bid to sate his psychotic appetite, which you never ever will.
In some cases, it is clear that he feels that you'll would probably grow horns and wings and hit him then fly away lol, or whatever bizarre analogy, so every time you make an attempt to seek out work you may be met with 'you'll never get that job, you need to know someone on the inside', and 'will you be able to do that with your personality? It will be a headache for you', and 'stay home and take care of the kids first', etc etc.
He may usually be very upbeat when you insist on going and come back unsuccessful and if you ask what is going on and confront him with 'why is it that you don't want me to get a job?' he'll respond with a host of vague reasons like 'you will be really stressed out there', 'you will probably not earn enough for it to be worth it', 'you won't bond with the kids', and so on, and most of all, the subheading below:


A Better Man Than He Is To You Lurks Out There

This right here is psycho-fuel; he knows he treats you like crap, and so is sure that you will find a better man out there, so he wilfully keeps you away from any form of employment, or any reason you may have to interact with the outside world. Though it is hard to believe it, there are some men out there who treat their spouses badly but have no idea about it until they are told and some change while others don't, and others yet can't change.
This one, however, will not change. He wants you to stay put and receive what he gives you;all the bad treatment and abuse, and will guard you like a lion guards its food. He is totally capable of being a better man - the version of him that is seen by most of his friends and the women he cheats on you with, and will not hesitate to bring it up in an argument of you feeling unappreciated.
His strength is his deception and is also his greatest pride because he will ask you, 'do you know how well everyone out there feels/thinks/sees that I treat you? There are those who envy your current position with me'. While this may be true, they envy an illusion, same way we thirst after those instagram posts of beach-side-chilling and fine-food-eating without knowing about the struggle that led there, or even exists there.
This kind of man will therefore be sure beyond the shadow of a doubt that a very good number of men at your workplace are his direct competition, and his juvenile ego cannot take losing you so while he will bask in the adoring presence of interns and office cleaners, he will not wish the same for you. His strategy involves not getting out of his comfort zone to be a better man for you, but getting you out of your comfort zone and on the edge trying to constantly appease him so you cannot see other men out there and realize you got a raw deal.

Esteem Issues
Most guys with esteem issues manage to get women in their lives with their need for validation and constant care, which is unfortunately mistakenly endearing for most females at first. Before you know anything is wrong you are knee-deep in quicksand and he won't let go of you.
The first step a toxic guy will take is to bring you down to his level and then push you down lower so you end up beneath him; more damaged than he is, and needing him. One way to get your esteem down in the gutters is by taking you out of your job; hence you lose your colleagues and fall-back plan in the process because a broke person is generally more desperate than a financially liberated one.
It is not healthy for an active mind to stay at home, there are women who will thrive in this environment and there are others who will fail and if you are one of those who would rather keep busy, stay away from a guy who attempts to get you to leave work without a good reason because he will drain you and destroy you, then probably discard you after he has had his fun.

Stereotypical Much

'I cannot be with a woman who makes more than I do/is in a more successful career than me'; if I had a single coin for every time I have heard this, I would be the sultan of, well, coins. It is an open fact that power corrupts, but while this is true for some people, it is not true for everyone and women are no exception.
I have known some rich and powerful women who were complete and absolute garbage, for lack of a better description, but others are their opposite; humble and caring to those around them, and their spouses in particular. Now the problem is that some unfortunate men suffer from herd mentality and when they see or hear something said or done by one they consider an 'alpha', they repeat it and carry it on mindlessly without considering that there might be a different set of beliefs out there different from their own but which work nonetheless.
If your guy falls in this miserable category then Miss, you are straight outta luck because any pay rise you get in an ethical way will stir unrest in his heart, and if he gets laid off from work then he will expect you to do the sensible thing which is to quit in empathy, and so that he will not feel unduly threatened by you.
It does not matter if you are the most subdued female that ever lived; a man with esteem issues will always view you as a threat the second he learns that you have a salary that can support you so he will fight tooth and nail to keep you at home; broke and dependent on him for as long as he can.

This is pretty much all I have on this particular issue and so I am sure you all know what we should all be working extra hard at...... getting ourselves a damn job haha.... So until my next misadventure, stay foxxxy y'all!!

Also read it here!
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THE UNREPENTANT B***H

Foxxy Females...

Let's just be real for a second here; sometimes a relationship gets so bad that you are at pains not to commit homicide and such; and in worse cases  it gets to a point even beyond that, when you feel you have to hold your whole being tight to keep yourself from imploding or exploding.

In moments like these, it is sensible to take a step back from your union and view it with some objectivity.
Do you walk away, and throw out all those years/months/weeks/seconds haha whatever time you spent working on this thing?
Do you craft a plot for revenge so thick it's bursting at the seams; like one that is doing the rounds on social media of a certain 'Mama Racheal'?
Do you stay and 'fight for your relationship' as we are told by society any sensible woman should do?
Or do you take the situation as it presents itself, and turn it into a profit for yourself?

Let us analyse below the various pitfalls you may encounter in your relationship to turn nice, sweet you into an unrepentant b-word of the worst variety, and how you can best try to avoid becoming sour and salty as hell by analysing the four questions I have asked above.

Cheater
I start with this one that should probably be last owing to the weight it carries, but let's just get it out of the way. If he cheats once, it will be to your discretion to forgive him even though there's a good chance he will do it again.
He might have been inebriated, or under the powerful influence of lust coupled with crappy friends and females of loose morals; generally a recipe for disaster. Whatever the case, moving on might leave you wondering about what could have been while forgiving him may give him the balls to do it again.
How he acts after the event might give you a preview of the future because if he seems not too affected by his misdeeds, he probably does not think it is a bad thing he is doing and he will naturally take the next opportunity that presents itself.
If he cheats a second time, I would advice you to leave physically, or mentally, or emotionally or all three because that's just who he is and I am yet to meet a woman who gets off on being cheated on, although these are strange times we are living in.......

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire
If you are like me in that you very rarely lie especially to the people in your inner circles, then random lies from your guy will irritate you like smoke in the eyes and in both cases you can only stay in the situation for so long before getting overwhelmed.
My solution? Try talking to him and explaining to him in terms that a five year old would understand; use diagrams if necessary. Let him know the lies are getting in the way of something potentially wonderful, ask him how you can help him to stop, and do your very best to assist. If willing or able, see a professional and sort it out. If it persists and you cannot stand it, well....

Mommy's Boy
As the mother of a boy, I have the idea that I will have a hard time letting my well-raised and all-rounded son (God-willing) just go off to be with a woman whom I feel is not worthy of his awesomeness. However, I will make my very best effort to let him have a life and make his own decisions as it is foolhardy to imagine that I can control all his actions. 
Kudos to him if he feels that he still loves and values me enough to want to spend time with me; willingly. Otherwise, I will hopefully have businesses to run, hobbies to work on, and places to travel to that will keep me busy enough that I do not become a meddlesome mother-in-law.
I have to say it sucks meeting a guy you like/love only to realize that his mother has him by his bootstraps; dates will get cancelled immediately she calls and travel plans shelved whenever she has some whim. It may be beyond her control to let her son go but it is entirely up to him to put his foot down and set the boundaries as it takes two to tango after all.
Of all the ills, this one is the most stubborn because he has to enojy her control over him to keep letting her have her way even if he claims he is doing so to keep the peace. He cannot entirely ignore her; neither should he, and he will always love her more than you, but there has to be a line somewhere and he is the one to draw it.
Get ready to leave if he cannot or will not shake her off soon because after you two get married it can only get worse; the moment you exchange those vows with a momma's boy then you also swear to have her by your side til death do you part.

In-Laws To-Be, From Hell
For some reason or other, the majority of in-laws feel like they are in direct competition with you and will take every chance they can to prove their dominance. This leads to a headache of a relationship but as is the case with the mommy's boy, it is up the guy to draw the necessary lines and stick to his guns defending his family. If he leaves you to battle it out with them with no input, just know you have an uphill task of fighting til the last day, and ask yourself if you are up to this task.

Sticky Exe's
Is she still texting him sweet nothing, or innocently 'just checking up on him'? This is no good because sooner or later he's bound to fall headfirst into her honeypot, after all he has been there before and if you fight and he needs some comfort, guess where he will find it.
Let him know your days are numbered if he won't choose between them and you once and for all because friendship aside, why are they still hanging around in the background, hhmmm? Same way you save some money for a rainy day and spend the rest, he is also probably saving them for a rainy day.
This also applies to you; you know that ex that forwards you all those funny things on telegram and whatsapp, and every so often tells you how he misses you, letting a heart-eyes or kiss emoji slip in the mix? Is there any promise that when you are at the worst point of your relationship you won't go running into his arms, and fall into his bed? Let not the kettle be calling the pot black; clean up your act and tell him to come up to the standard that you have set.

Controlling Mofo
This hurts my head just thinking about it. why does a man who has not raised you to the point you have grown to feel the need to tell you where your hem should reach? Why should he demand you hand over your payslip every end-month, and tag along to every event you attend, cross-examining your friends - the female friends no less?
A healthy relationship is founded on trust and if he cannot trust you to be a decent and mature human being, what can he trust you to do and what exactly does he want you for, ask yourself. Slavery was deemed unethical for a reason, and even our creator gave us free-will to do as we may so if he feels he needs to be withing earshot of every single call you make and receive then a disaster is brewing.
This need to control one's spouse arises from issues of low self-esteem, and over time this individual will have exhausted patience to keep looking after you and resign to the imaginary fact that you will leave eventually, or you are cheating on him, so he will start cheating in order to one-up you.
Physical abuse will grow from mental and spiritual abuse and honestly my friend, what are you still doing with him? He may mistreat you in front of family or friends to prove some silly point and will despise your loved ones as well, so the best thing you can do for him is to leave him, and give him the contacts of an institution that can give him the help he clearly needs.

Stingy Mofo
Your man is not supposed to be your ATM, get your own money, woman! But if every time you need some quick cash to sort some bills, or buy something important, or make a much needed investment then it's always excuses, let him know in no uncertain terms that you would love it if he supported you more. As long as you're not digging him for gold, this is a perfectly sensible expectation to have of the person in your life unless you're loaded and money ain't a thing.

Broke Mofo
So this is a bit tricky, because like I said above you should get your own money. Also, a man cannot have his worth as a human being measured by his bank's contents. I however take issue with openly getting the tab or paying for groceries or rent while in a relationship, to the extent that if I am the one paying up, I always give him the cash well in advance and out of peoples' sight so he can sort the expense on my tab.
The same way society expects women to be natural caregivers and raise their children with love and patience, it is only fair to expect men to be natural providers and protectors. What compounds this issue is if he is not making an effort to get out of his current situation.
You alone can tell what needs you want met by him and how much you are willing to compromise so if his poverty becomes too much to bear, do yourselves both a favour and leave, because nothing is as terrible as a loaded woman nitpicking on her man because he's broke in her eyes.

Join me next time my dears, for the analysis of the options you have in case of any or all (gasp!) of the scenarios I have listed above and the consequences of each of them and til then, stay foxxy!

Read over here too!

                                                    XOXO