FEMINISM POINT 1 - 0; MODERN WOMEN VS TRADITIONAL RELATIONSHIPS

Why is it that some men are scared and/or extremely uncomfortable to listen to women talking about their struggles? 
I can't be the only one that's noticed this for real, and I think the main reason is that our mothers, the gentle, docile angels, they are, taught their sons that they are better than their daughters. 
This gave rise to a generation of men who feel the entitlement like heat on a sunny afternoon. They believe that women are fine with their position and those that aren't are just idle troublemakers, and their situation is ideal-although they would not like it one bit if they had to trade places. 
They think they can just ignore it until the issue goes away by itself, and that those who are dogs will keep being dogs while their females endure it silently with prayers and discreet family interventions, just like their mothers did.
Some of the mothers actually have a self-loathing that translates into hating all fellow women, and viewing themselves as irrational, evil, parasitic, and generally useless (only useful for bearing sons I guess, so they can be taught to hate women by the very ones that give them life and so on and so forth).

Maybe this explains why men raised by single mothers tend to be so much better balanced and respectful while those from whole families are mostly spoilt pieces of dung, quite ironically... 
I can't really say about single fathers, as I personally know very few single fathers compared to single mothers (obviously), but they turned out ok too, generally a bit better than the whole families again. 

So this begs the question: have we become so toxic as human beings that our unions generally do more harm than good? Do we paint such a grim picture of living with our spouses that our offspring turn out forever flawed? 

May be arranged marriages of the past (and currently still in some setups) were the way to go, or maybe human beings are just not meant to be together and cohabit with the same individual for long periods of time. Besides, look at families where one or both spouses are away at work a lot, besides the cheating here and there by some rotten elements, their unions generally seem to last longer than those who, say, work together or close by. Strange argument, but hey, it's my observation and  an opinion, which I believe I'm free to express.
Another observation I've come up with over time is that men really love dumb, pushover women, especially those that claim they don't, possibly because when growing up, their fathers were away on some manly duty or other and neglected to teach them to man up, leaving them with their mothers and showing up every so often to discredit everything she did or even rough her up a bit right in front of them. 
They therefore grew up with a false sense of security and delusions in plenty of the way things 'need' to be, and when they went out into the world as half-baked adults with seriously underdeveloped emotional control and sense of responsibility, they had to look for women to fill in the gaps their mothers left so she would do all those things they grew up believing were taboo for a man to do. Instead of understanding that the job description they need to fill is for a house help (or nanny in some cases) they believe they should marry a woman and make her into their mother, hence the development of the bizarre trend of men cheating and having affairs all around. 
Because obviously you don't marry the woman of your dreams-I mean, who does that? You marry a woman you detest, so you can eventually weasel your way out of your home and into some other woman's arms in the name of 'pressure at home' and 'going through a tough phase' in which 'you don't understand each other' because 'things aren't the way they were in the beginning, when you married'. 
Lmao.
I have sadly also come across more than a reasonable number of men who live in absolute total physical filth and are so disorganized they might lose their brains in the mess, and when asked about it, they'll say things like 'I'm still looking for a wife' or 'the wife has not been here for a while'. Note that the 'wife' being talked about here is just a girlfriend working her ass off in the hopes that her contract will be renewed with permanent status, probably not knowing that when this finally happens, all outings, dates, and nights out will stop immediately because, well, who wants to be seen tagging around an actual 'wife'? 


And yet men wonder why so many women are resisting that term and position nowadays lol. It's the new village idiot position, and to tell the truth, who willingly nominates themselves as such?

So what's the point, and what's the solution? I would love to know because it's making life rather unpleasant to be honest. 
While sometimes I feel sorry for these babies in adult skin walking around scared shitless of practically everything but putting on a brave face and talking big, sometimes it just makes me sick to think that they cannot see what's wrong with them, and will continue on (Heaven forbid) to raise sons that are as screwed up as them. 
And no, I'm not even going to talk about that 'equality' stuff because that's the pet peeve that will be in contention until Christ returns to save us all from stupidity or something. Besides, solving that will be for most men like solving world peace for politicians; what else will they do with their time when they can't create propaganda and push agendas with religion and the likes?

May heaven have mercy on us all. 

Until next time, keep it Foxxy, and all the best in your current, or aspiring situation! 😉
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HOW TO DEAL WITH A MOODY MAN

Ignore him until he re-calibrates lol. Seems like it's going to be a short post today haha, probably because there's not much else to say about the issue...
Seriously though, this is all there is to it so let me expound on it a bit, and fill up some more space because I just love it when I have you in rapt attention like this, Rrrrrr 😼

Without further ado;

☺Desist from talking to him, as anything you say at this point can, and will be used against you. This may or may not be in contradiction to some of the following points, but you'll figure it all out, don't worry :)

☺Keep yourself busy with a random but useful little things, like cooking, cleaning, finishing up some book or craft project you had etc; it was waiting for this moment in time. When all is said and done, you will have killed quite a few birds with just one stone.
                                         
☺If you have resolve made of the purest steel; and I insist only if you can take any verbal attack calmly and quietly, approach him and give his shoulders a bit of a gentle massage so as to ease the
tension that's built up from carrying the weight of the whole world on his back......

☺Don't be passive aggressive, e.g. by singing hymns or gospel songs with stinging lyrics, I know this is the favorite of a lot of women. Don't mutter to yourself, bang doors, toss things around etc. What part of ignore didn't you get?

☺Take anything he throws at you graciously unless it's physical - then get the hell out of there asap. Answer his pointed questions neutrally  and respond calmly in a nice voice. Become a basin of lukewarm water, so he will neither get scalded nor frozen when he immerses his miserable self in you because you best believe he will try to get you down and this is a slope you don't want to slip down because, read below:

☺Another pointer for the super strong ladies out there is to try talking to him about what is stressing him. Again, be ready to have your kind words and good intentions turned against you and thrown right back at you, and your gentle feeding hands bitten. Be sure that you can remain cool, calm, and collected at this point because he will work hard at pulling you down and again, you don't want to fall.

Note that the difficulty in all of these scenarios is relative to the man in question; some are tough and stubborn, others soft and malleable, so take care not to apply more pressure than is necessary. It bears repeating that you don't want to fall into the moody emotions because once you do, he will trade places with you then jump on your high horse very fast; leaving you there yapping like a mad woman and feeling feelings you have no business feeling.

He'll be as happy as a demon who caught a break and chastise you, asking you if your mother never taught you how to be a wife/mother, and will push you further down that pit of blind emotional darkness that you never want to fall into.
So if you have the hardened Pharaoh's heart of stone and tend to slip as easily as I do, refer to my initial advice and stick to it; IGNORE HIM!!

Till next time, stay foxxy and consider yourselves tipped off hahaha....

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                                                  ☺    XOXO   ☺

HOW TO BE A 'GOOD WIFE'

Hello my dears and welcome back :) Today I felt inspired to write about the 'wifey material' stuff, what our mamas and grandmamas and occasionally aunties taught us while we were growing up because now that I'm here, the view is hella different lol.
Pardon the million quotes, by the way, it's just that type of day....
So anyway, apparently it's a thing to be the very best female out there so that you can get a mate for life, never mind if he wasn't taught anything by his papa and grandpapa on how to be a good husband because, well, that's your job....
......eyeroll here..... or not, that's rather ratchet behavior I've heard.
I'm making lots of allusions and stuff, but I will try and stay objective, of course I won't buy into the stereotypes and all, but will give my unfiltered view of the tips and tricks (that's what they really are, honey) that so called good wives employ in order to keep that status. Keep in mind, however, that this is not an instruction manual or holy grail, more like a cheat sheet, so there's a chance you may get caught, or things won't really go according to plan so for whatever it's worth, here we go...

THOU SHALT BITE THY RAZOR TONGUE
Until it bleeds, if necessary lol. It is a well known fact that women can talk, and this is even more true for when they are angry but beware for loose tongues sink ships, apparently ...
Anyway, my mother told me that her father, a salty army-man, told her as she was preparing to get married, that words are like arrows, and the mouth is the bow. You need to know that just as it is impossible to stop a flying arrow once you have released it, you also can't catch words after you say them, and even if you regret it and apply a salve and bandages on the wound so caused, the damage will be done and prevention is better than cure at this point.
So whenever you're in a heated argument in a moment of passion, try and cool yourself down, and talk when you are calm because once you let your emotion have access to your words, it becomes a slippery slope down to the gutters and you don't want to spoil a potentially good thing with some careless words, true though they may be.

ALWAYS BE THE FIRST TO APOLOGIZE
This one is closely tied in with the first lesson, but is still a bit different, because at the end of the day, careful though you may be, hurt will occur and then the simmering emotions will remain waiting for some action or other. At this juncture, you become the bigger man (woman), suck it up, and apologize for whatever it was. This will save you lots of pent up anger, and potentially even stop grudges from being born because we all know men are like pineapples - tough and prickly on the outside, but soft and mushy on the inside so just swallow your pride and take the jump.
For your efforts, you will be crowned Miss Polite and because it's never fun being around someone who just folds over and apologizes when in an argument or fight, he will soon stop trying to fuel the fire by engaging you in fights or even picking them out of thin air, all the better for you.

BE PATIENT

Strive to learn patience before the kids get here, because then it will be a very steep uphill climb to juggle them and their tantrums, sleeplessness, moods and general bad behavior from all corners and remain sane. Be patient through everything that you come across and trust me, practice makes perfect so go on.
When he's in a bad mood, be patient, when he's going through a rough economic patch, be patient, when he's taking five decades to respond to the simple inquiry of what he wants to have for dinner (because you need some ideas after making the decision for three months straight), be patient. Make this your song and its chorus, and the only thing you should not be patient with at any level is physical abuse because once it starts it just gets worse by the second.

BE SUPPORTIVE
You need to be his manager, his coach, his number one fan, and his caretaker and nurse all rolled into one, because while he's out and about he encounters lots of opposition and negativity, and when you make the home environment the positive to counter all the negative he gets, he will surely love coming home to you. This may or may not work though, because there is a bizarre breed of men nowadays who respond negatively to love, the more you love and support them, the worse grade of dog they become. These ones love drama, and you will never miss them in public harassing waitresses, checking out every female that passes by, and chatting up a hundred girls online, mostly girls that don't have anything better to do or those that are also chatting with a hundred boys lol.

RESPECT HIM
I think that this would be the biggest  blow to your good wife card, and understand that no man, no matter how unemployed, how bullied, how insignificant in society, how short, or how broke can take disrespect for a long time, especially from his life companion. So respect him, with your words and with your actions, even when fighting do so respectfully because disrespect demoralizes him and a demoralized man is prone to lots of strange and bad behaviors.


LISTEN TO HIM
Now there's a difference between listening to hear and listening to respond, and the first is the better kind of listening- the kind that you also expect from him. Everyone loves a good listen every now and then, sometimes not even to brainstorm and share experiences, other times it just feels good to vent and have someone listen attentively, agreeing where necessary and frowning when needed. So be his listening ear, and he will definitely let you into his life by telling you his daily adventures and ideas and dreams, and you can also do the same eventually.



SHOW HIM THAT YOU LOVE HIM
There's this really old song called 'More than words' sung by a duo called 'Extreme', and it goes along the lines of  using actions to express love for the other, not just words. It's important to show love to your partner, by random acts of thoughtful kindness, a kiss here and a peck there, because actions do speak louder than words. Express it to him and let him know you're thinking of him now and then, and also find a way to tell him to reciprocate because it will add to the general goodness of your relationship.


DO NOT BE TOO NEEDY AND INSECURE

Nothing is a bigger turn off than a woman who is always scowling at those she thinks are better off than her, or look better than her. A woman who is constantly suspicious of all females around her man, including his relatives, and is always sulking about how her man doesn't love her or he spends too much time with or talking with other females, will soon push her spouse away. It's exhausting af always trying to prove your love and justify yourself to someone who is hell bent on not believing you, so just stop it, especially if the claims are unsubstantiated. If you feel the love is gone and you cannot bring it back just swallow your pride, do yourselves both the favor of a lifetime, and leave.

DO NOT BE JUDGMENTAL

Everyone needs to be themselves in order to feel good and satisfied so the best kind of person anyone will want to be around is one who will be accommodating. When he tells you something that is potentially damaging or sensitive for him; something that he clearly thought long and hard before sharing with you, or you just stumbled on him, don't laugh and point and giggle and be a child about it. Listen and as long as it's something that does not cause harm, live with it, and obviously do not stoop to the very low level of gossiping about it with your 'friends'; do they even tell you about their funny and secret relationship issues?

KEEP HIM FULFILLED
This applies to spiritually, mentally, physically, and in all other ways, and sooner or later, he will reciprocate it if he is not already doing it. Even if he doesn't, be the bigger person and do it, your repayment will be done in full before you leave this earth..... The old reggae song sang that a hungry man is an angry man and this could not be more true and also, sexual frustration has been linked to depression (apparently hehe) so do not contribute in the creation of angry, mental psychos with no morals....




LEARN TO LET THE LITTLE THINGS GO
Finally, let the small things slide (I'm not talking about about the kids lol). Most times you find yourself twisted into something unrecognizable over something he did, like leave the socks in the living room on the couch for the trillionth time and honestly, they're not nuclear atoms so just understand that you will have to do so for the rest of your life. If for some reason or other that can't be you, then just leave because either way it's never that serious ☺️☺️☺️.

I am aware that many modern women will be up in arms over this, but just take it or leave it; it's simply a way to make your life easier and that much more fulfilling and at the end of the day, practicing these things will make you a better person all round and there is some joy that is always deep down in any nice person.

Until next time, keep it foxxy, and stay smiling my dears; chao!!
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                                                                    XOXO

WHO IS A MAN?

If you came to this page from google results feeling a bit sentimental or poetic, or searching for some deep understanding or even biological definition, then I apologize in advance because this is not what that is at all.
This is more like a detailed analysis of the characters that I have been unlucky enough to know, so no good vibes here lol.
Before you misread my intentions with those lines, however, let it be clear that I know that there are cases where men are great and sensible; model members of society whom we wish our sons would emulate and our daughters end up with.
I know some marriages do work, with lots of work from both parties to make it last, and so it does.
Following is more like a summary of some of my experiences so far.A small part of me-the hope that escaped the massacre that my feelings were taken through- still expects a kind of 'knight-in-shining-armor but before I digress further, here we go.....

He Will:
Chat with and exchange pictures of himself and other random things with different women, changing the script each time an occurrence arises, and swiftly learning what to do and say so as to get your leniency and yet more chances (to waste your time).

Talk warmly with random females in public, giving them the impression that he is the most charming man out there and that he would blow the competition out of the water. Most times he will let them know if he is otherwise involved because he knows how some women are like, quick to jump into bed with him as they believe they can offer him something that you cannot hence they will cater to him and sweep him off his feet.

Act like an angel to you when you are in public with him, especially in front of his mother, father, and other relatives, so that they are under the illusion that you want for nothing and if you ever leave, you are the bad guy.

Gaslight you every step of the way; to a point that you do not even know who your family and friends are, and with this confusion already planted in your life it will be so much easier for you to fall into his traps of 'she never meant anything to me' and 'you have no idea how much I regret chatting with her and sleeping with her friend and afterwards trying to get her to go for round two after you caught me the first time and forgave me'.....

Mentally deplete your strength and coping abilities and esteem to the point that you feel as if you need him in order to just survive. His toxic presence will keep you feeling sickly safe as he has drilled it into your head that no one else can want you, and life for a single mom with not one but two of his children would be so hard.......

Take advantage of your kindness and have you feeling as if you need to do so much more in order to keep him interested and focused on only you.

Never pull his weight in the relationship, and when you muster the courage to call him out for this he will either sulk until you apologize to him, or he will show you  how bad you are yourself so you can apologize.

Act extremely surprised when caught at a negative point such as cheating or almost cheating, then go from that to a full sulk that will have him refusing to eat the food you serve him, and actually even giving you the silent treatment until you behave yourself and humbly ask for his forgiveness.

Be an endless vortex sucking in energy from you to stoke his impoverished ego, needing affirmations each and every second of how great he is as a human  being, but never giving back in return.

Cheat so often and regularly in different occasions that you will be at pains to keep tabs on him, and thanks to the brainwashing he has put you through already you will doubt your instincts and just forgive him because it is easier that way for your heavily taxed mind.

Make sure that you are not financially stable by inducing you to make important purchases because he is currently unable to until your stash runs out, and try to get you to leave your job and find a better one, raising the bar each time some potential comes along.

Break your heart so repeatedly and so thoroughly that you never feel the need to love again and are unable to be completely happy as yourself; traumatize you from being with someone even if they truly deserve you.

Make you lose trust in every single human being on earth because his behaviors are normal, it is your expectations that aren't, and you are not as perfect as you 'keep telling' him you are so just drop it, he is simply being human.

Find a way to correlate seemingly random and distant things you do so that they seem like a good enough excuse for what he did, and when you catch him at it then he will reverse the situation an make it seem as though you are the one doing it.

Simply not care for you; dismissing you when you are sick and sometimes even being extra mean to you when you are unwell and totally unable to put up a fight with him. If you insist on your feeling bad he will give a half-assed get better soon and act as if you are faking it to some strange end, even if you never have done that.

Completely kill your creativity because every single idea you have is 'unattainable', 'too expensive and labor-intensive', 'beyond your expertise', etc etc until you do not even feel the urge to be innovative any more.

Constantly do the opposite of what he says, and not even bother with an explanation, just leaving you to do whatever you need to do to deal with it because he is never responsible for your feelings; you are, and you are also responsible for his.

Live in a reality that is tailored to suite him; forgetting things at will, planting memories of things that never happened, twisting things to look how he wants them to look and then insisting on that with a solid determination that will wear you down.

And finally he will demean you daily to a point where you choose to stay on through his abuse because you think he is merciful for putting up with you as you are not as good a chapati cook as his mom, or a good and tidy home-keeper like the neighbor's wife, or a good mother like his colleague at work who is climbing up the career ladder while juggling with her children at home and so on and so forth.


At this point I realize I have been a bit unfair and chosen to focus only on the negatives. I have edited this post a bit from the first time I wrote it, call it sentiment, or getting softer with age, I call it a blue moon, becaue I don't often change my mind in regards to things involving feelings, and my observations are generally rather accurate and well-carried out so.....

Anyway, I sign off with a heaviness in my heart because this is the last of all the last strokes that have ever been; this is it, the final goodbye. I feel I am completely drained and have nothing more to give but still more is being asked of me so my instinct of survival has kicked in and I cannot fight any more; just flee.

XO