HOW TO DEAL WITH A MOODY MAN

Ignore him until he re-calibrates lol. Seems like it's going to be a short post today haha, probably because there's not much else to say about the issue...
Seriously though, this is all there is to it so let me expound on it a bit, and fill up some more space because I just love it when I have you in rapt attention like this, Rrrrrr 😼

Without further ado;

☺Desist from talking to him, as anything you say at this point can, and will be used against you. This may or may not be in contradiction to some of the following points, but you'll figure it all out, don't worry :)

☺Keep yourself busy with a random but useful little things, like cooking, cleaning, finishing up some book or craft project you had etc; it was waiting for this moment in time. When all is said and done, you will have killed quite a few birds with just one stone.
                                         
☺If you have resolve made of the purest steel; and I insist only if you can take any verbal attack calmly and quietly, approach him and give his shoulders a bit of a gentle massage so as to ease the
tension that's built up from carrying the weight of the whole world on his back......

☺Don't be passive aggressive, e.g. by singing hymns or gospel songs with stinging lyrics, I know this is the favorite of a lot of women. Don't mutter to yourself, bang doors, toss things around etc. What part of ignore didn't you get?

☺Take anything he throws at you graciously unless it's physical - then get the hell out of there asap. Answer his pointed questions neutrally  and respond calmly in a nice voice. Become a basin of lukewarm water, so he will neither get scalded nor frozen when he immerses his miserable self in you because you best believe he will try to get you down and this is a slope you don't want to slip down because, read below:

☺Another pointer for the super strong ladies out there is to try talking to him about what is stressing him. Again, be ready to have your kind words and good intentions turned against you and thrown right back at you, and your gentle feeding hands bitten. Be sure that you can remain cool, calm, and collected at this point because he will work hard at pulling you down and again, you don't want to fall.

Note that the difficulty in all of these scenarios is relative to the man in question; some are tough and stubborn, others soft and malleable, so take care not to apply more pressure than is necessary. It bears repeating that you don't want to fall into the moody emotions because once you do, he will trade places with you then jump on your high horse very fast; leaving you there yapping like a mad woman and feeling feelings you have no business feeling.

He'll be as happy as a demon who caught a break and chastise you, asking you if your mother never taught you how to be a wife/mother, and will push you further down that pit of blind emotional darkness that you never want to fall into.
So if you have the hardened Pharaoh's heart of stone and tend to slip as easily as I do, refer to my initial advice and stick to it; IGNORE HIM!!

Till next time, stay foxxy and consider yourselves tipped off hahaha....

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ANOTHER NIGHT ALONE, BUT GLAD TO BE ALIVE

Hello my lovelies!! Have you all been nice and wholesome? I sure hope you have been, so lean back, cradle your nice warm cup of whatever and let me share my adventures of the past few days with you!!

I recently rediscovered my love for crochet, so I've been at it with a lot of vigor and it has mostly eased my very high stress levels. Times are still tough, though, and so after accompanying the him to his freelance office once last week, where he has two workmates, i tried to float the idea of making them burgers every now and then, selling them to the workmates so we can get some pocket change and stuff. Not surprisingly he was not for the idea, and shot it down as fast as possible, saying he was not for the idea of such kind of 'hustles'.
I'm sure this is because of his sense of pride, understandable I guess, and wanting to act like everything is great to outsiders while releasing his stress on me, (at this point I remember him showing me a meme talking about building your king and not being another battle he has to fight etc and had I to bite my tongue hard to not tell him he wasn't really my king, more like my personally assigned stress-er haha).

So anyway by this point I know he's not interested in my happiness at all but is just after keeping up appearances and stuff, and that day the conversation ended with him telling me to stick to trying to find a job in my field of study (because he knows I've been trying to get one for the last 6 years with no luck) again, no surprise....
I've been feeling extremely tired of late, drained of energy and as such I've been waking up mostly

between 9 and 11 and getting side eyes and all that because he wakes a bit earlier to go out and about. Today was no different, but I was in a rather better mood than other days so I made some chapati dough, and covered it up to prepare for supper. I made some strange pilau and beef stew for lunch and that was that, but after crocheting for a bit, I got bored and needed to stretch my legs.
With the babies fed, washed, and roaming around the house, I decided to burn the accumulated dried leaves and plant waste in the garden, so I can dig it up at some point and plant food, for a rainy day you know :).
I got the matches and went outside to burn the stuff, and spared half a thought at the trees growing around the piles I wanted to burn. It took three matches to light the first one, and I thought wow this will take forever to burn but whatever there's nothing I would rather be doing, so I took a barely burning twig and tossed it into the other pile.
Here's a free lesson my people: rosemary trees are flammable as f*ck! Especially when dry....
The pile caught fire and burned very big and very dramatically, thanks to the dry weather and strong wind, and my attention was diverted from the slower burning pile which was not predominantly dried pepper tree leaves and twigs.

Suddenly I hear a loud crack from somewhere on my left and when I turn I am met by a flaming branch swinging in the very strong wind. I panic immediately because this is what I had thought of then ignored and I know how fast the fire can jump from one tree to the next, then to the electricity cables above, then to the car, then to the damn house and O My Good Lord my BABIES!!!

I hear the little one crying in the house as though very far away and when I look over she's standing in the doorway with all the smoke making her cough a bit.

I yell for the nanny but she doesn't respond, meanwhile I'm running to the tap outside to open it and fetch some water in a basin to throw in the trees but the trip to and from is too slow and the water seems to flow too slowly so I scream her name, twice, and she comes running asking what's up only to see the fire in the trees.

I find the pipe we used to water the garden and toss one end to her while trying to jam the other end into the tap but it won't fit and keeps falling out when I let go of it.
The nanny meanwhile is understandably scared to go near the fire because it's big and menacing so I tell her to hold the one end on the tap and not let go no matter what, and I run off in the opposite direction to try and douse the flames with water.
The water now creates a nasty blend of smoke and fire and I can barely see where I am but clearly

hear both babies crying by now. I yell at them to get back in the house and obviously they don't listen but thankfully they stay on the veranda, where they get some of the smoke but none of the heat.

Somehow by heaven's grace the fire gets under control and I make sure to soak the damn ground in water and eliminate the chance of any spark left there, and I stay outside for about an hour until I'm sure there's no more fire. I think what would have happened if I had lit the piles then gone back to the house to relax and I shudder violently.

I'm honestly so glad to be alive and well that I don't even feel sick and angry when the bastard stays out till long past midnight, and even then the smell of smoke makes me uneasy. I think I will see things in a different light for a while now, and will definitely stay the hell away from matches. I'm kind of glad the nanny was there to see how fast it can get out of control, so she won't attempt something like that when she's home alone. 

All in all, I love my babies more than I hate this hominid, and maybe that is why I'm trying so hard to make things work, so that they grow up in a well-balanced and wholesome family, and hopefully don't turn out as bitter as me.

Until we meet next time, stay safe my friends, and do not take a single moment for granted. And if you do get into a relationship, be sure to consider all things before you have kids because they introduce new variables in the drama, and it gets much harder to be selfish and look out for you...
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WARNING SIGNS OF A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP YOU SHOULD NOT IGNORE Part 2

Hello foxxy mamas and here is the continuation to yesterday's post, because you already know what we talked about here, let's get right into it....

Entitlement
The toxic person will feel entitled to do and have whatever he wants regardless of your feelings or the moral implications. They have an absolute right to do whatever they want and if you disobey or violate them then they will feel they also have the right to punish you however they deem fit.
You, on the other hand,, have no right to put up a fight, or even to leave them because of their mistreatment. You are to stay put in order to avoid even more punishment.

The Waitress Test
The general rule this term implies is that the way your love interest treats waitresses and other random and neutral people of the opposite sex is the way they will start to treat you in six months once the honeymoon phase is over. This period will have served its purpose to his usefulness of you to him and he is now on his way to conquer others so you fall by the wayside.
Because the good nature a psychopath shows is only a facade, it will disappear as soon as your perceived utility is done.

Jekyll & Hyde, Night & Day

The toxic individual is basically a Jekyll and Hyde who uses his good side to attract victims while the bad ugly side is his true self, and which becomes more dominant over time and to those in intimate contact with him. As such some people will say he is an angel while others say he is a demon.
Listen to your intuition if you suspect anything, and see how your partner reacts when you express different needs and opinions and exercise your individuality, bearing in mind that a psychopath will eventually let his true colors out over extended intimate contact.

Walking on Eggshells
When dealing with a toxic person, you find yourself taking extra care on what you do and say, how you dress and relate to other people, and just about everything else you do because you don't know what will trigger their hostility and detachment to you, or some other of their 'punishments' to you.

They Gaslight You
When your partner lies to you to the point that you start doubting your reality then discourages and belittles you until you lose your self-confidence, they are toxic and their next move is to mistreat you until you lash out in the most crazy fashion possible. Remember all the gas-lighting we talked about here.
The toxic individual will put you in a combat situation and your reaction will be used to judge you, harshly, as no one else around you can see the war going on, save for the individuals they may be cheating on you with and such so save your sanity and yourself in this situation; get out.

Your Feelings Do Not Matter
The narcissistic psychopath will only flatter you so they can use and abuse you in the long term because their selfishness is absolute. They are so self-worshipping that others' feelings are completely worthless to them and their capacity for evil comes from their inability to respect others as fellow human beings with independent needs; they only exist to serve their purpose in the designated spots they have for them in their lives.
This person will be really hostile when faced with criticism and reacts with anger whenever their behavior is questioned or disapproved.

Your Friends And Family Do Not Like Them
This is because they are outside, and have an objective view of the situation. In the beginning they might like your partner but as they observe the progression they will grow cold and try to tell you, to which your partner will respond as a disapproval of you and not them by your friends and family.
As they alienate you and make you a version of yourself they cannot recognize, your partner will use this to pit you against them and make them seem like the villains, which will make your alienation almost your own intention.


Past Behavior
A person's past is a great and almost always accurate indicator of their future behavior although sometimes, people change when they put in genuine and consistent effort. A toxic person however will never change as his true nature is damaging and so generally if they have cheated on and/or abused their partners in the past, what you are about to be is no exception so take care.
They will have a 'don't take anything from nobody' attitude and their consistent bad behaviors are down to their lack of character and not their partners, as they would have you believe.

Never Good Enough
In a toxic relationship, nothing you do is ever good enough for your partner; there will always be a new hoop to ump through while the bar keeps getting set higher and higher each time. Once the honeymoon phase is over, you don't support him enough, you don't express yourself well enough, you don't dress well enough, and so on and so forth so eventually they begin letting you know both in words and actions that you are very lucky to be with them as nobody else would want you.

Control Issues

The toxic partner wants you to focus everything you have on them and insist on accompanying you to individual activities so you are constantly in their sight. They may shower you with gifts and money but this is not out of genuine appreciation for you; more in order to discourage you from having to go outside and work out of the house.
The aim of this is in order to keep you from taking part in activities or fun that they are not in complete control of. This goes as far as breakups are involved, and the toxic partner will drop you without a second thought when it is on their terms but when the other party initiates the breakup, they beg and plead and as a last resort use violence to keep you fro leaving, and if you stay their behaviors towards you only get worse.

Quick Attachments
Due to their shallow emotions, toxic partners are really quick to commit to you typically in a few short weeks starting to say they love you and even propose to move in together or get married. They shower you with gifts, promises, and flattery, and convince you that you are 'the one'. This red flag is true because normal people need time to develop a real relationship because there is a lot at stake, but not toxic individuals, who are only trying to get you into their lives so they can go ahead with their main agenda.
As they say 'easy come, easy go', this type of person will be really fast in latching on to you but also be really fast in detaching from you to pursue the next interest.

This is all I have read up on toxic relationships, and I have become an expert at it partly due to being in one for the longest time. So why do I stay in this hell of a relationship myself? Join me next time as I examine the reasons why I do this, and why countless other people probably also do. Till then, stay foxxxy!

Also read it over here!
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WARNING SIGNS OF A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP YOU SHOULD NOT IGNORE Part 1

A pencil and sharpening

As illustrated by this image of a sharpened coloured pencil on the right, a dangerous relationship will act as a sharpener, not in the lovely way in that it leaves you 'sharper and more focussed' but in that it will frustrate you and leave you spent and hopeless.

Your intuition is there for a reason and as such you should listen to it when it whispers to you, "get the hell out now" and save yourself a potential heartbreak episode.

So today I have outlined a few red flags that you should absolutely not ignore regarding a dangerous relationship; signs that will shine through even the rosiest coloured glasses of a new found romance or dating stage. Because there's so much to write on this topic, I will split the post up in two and will upload the second half of it in my next post.

The Scary Temper
When they resort to indirect violence when angry by throwing things, breaking objects, and punching solid walls, know that this is a display of what they can do to you, and they want you to know it, and you will experience it sooner or later unless you never, ever make them angry and is that really possible?
This intimidation technique also serves to habituate the partner to acts of violence so they can grow comfortable and think that this is normal behavior in any relationship.

Hurting You on Purpose
They might criticize you, twist your arm, pull your hair, destroy your stuff, and eventually get to escalated levels of abuse, so you should get out the moment you see any of these signs because it only gets worse from there and before you know it you are being physically abused or worse yet, getting killed.

Animal Hater
This sounds like a non-issue but hear me out: animals often go along to get along with us and unless we hurt them, they are ok with us so if your partner kicks cats in the house and throws rocks at random dogs, watch out because this juvenile behavior is a sign of deep-seated mental issues and rest assured you will see how bad it can get when you cross them and get on the receiving end.

The Literal Baby

This one wants you to take care of his undeveloped and malformed self as he won't do it himself, and his mother also did not or could not do it. Be wary of this one though because he will draw in the care-giving type of woman, most women actually, and then he will have so much need that it consumes you trying to take care of him.
No grown adult should expect someone else to be responsible for his habits, emotions, misbehaviors, etc so get out before you get drained.

Overly Controlling
They want to have the final say on everything from when you can visit your friends and family, which of them you can see and all to what outfit you leave the house in. To this effect they may use indirect hints and statements like 'that dress really brings your tummy out' or be more direct but whichever the case, you will rarely get approval for your compliance and even if it does come it is a half-hearted 'that's better', no more.

The Killer of Confidence
Although toxic people like short flings because of the promise of variety and new thrills and having large numbers of people around them, they sometimes get into long-term commitments on a target they might deem a challenge. As it is sometimes difficult to control a strong and sober mind, they trade in their extreme flattery for terrible critisism.
They will correct every slight mistake you make so you feel unintelligent, below average and constantly on the defensive. Once your esteem starts to drop and you feel as though you are always doing something wrong, they will treat you badly in a way to imply you deserve it and this erosion of your confidence will turn you into a shadow of yourself befor long.
This brings to mind the conversion of a pretty, eductaed, and much-loved news anchor some years ago by some kind of foreign 'pastor'. Her case was so extreme that she denounced her parents, and continued living with this man even after reports of the death of her son in mysterious circumstances surfaced.

Cycles of Bitter and Sweet
A psycho is incapable of keeping long relationships if he is constantly his true mean, ugly-natured self so he punctuates his evil with occasional good, sweet deeds. This keeps the partner hoping to receive this reward again, and trying to find the super secret to enable them get this good treatment again and again, and although it will keep recurring, it is only meant to keep you hooked but is not a representation of the true intentions of the psycho.

The Blame Game Expert
Your partner never takes responsibility for their misdeeds, and when he doesn't deny his mistakes, he turns it around and finds a way to blame you for it. He hit you? Only because you provoked him. He cheated on you? You are imagining things and reading things into something that does not exist.
No dirt can stick on this one and if for a moment you expect him to take responsibility for his actions then you are in for a shock. He never, ever does.

Public Displays of  Embarrassment

Because he cannot build a physical prison around you, he will build a psychological one by putting you down in public by reducing your sociability and eliminating all positive human contact from your life. He will lash out, call you names, and say rude and embarrassing things to you in public, like a time we were at a party and my resident psycho decided to drag me around the room full of revelers to which I responded by laughing in order to avoid causing a scene at all costs. Another time he twisted my arm while we were walking in the street and as I did not know then what I know now, I accepted his explanation that it was a joke.
If you stay long enough in this relationship you will find yourself smiling and being polite to him in public, if anything to allay the 'punishment' that by now you have no doubt he will deliver and he will have successfully converted strong and proud you into his doormat.

So today I break here, join me tomorrow for the rest of the post; and until then, avoid psychos and stay foxxy!!

Also read here!
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