WHY MOST RELATIONSHIPS DO NOT LAST NOWADAYS

Of late it seems that when you turn to the left, a couple is breaking up and when you turn to the right, another one is hacking each other to death, or stabbing or shooting or strangling them and you have to ask, why is this?
Granted, we are living in a global village thanks to the internet and the distribution of information seamlessly and instantly from all corners of the world to everywhere else, so if you are looking for something you are bound to find it in plenty.
In the last five years, however, it just seems to me like I know a lot more people breaking up than I did say, ten years ago; I honestly hardly used to hear so many people splitting up even though there were still some. It seems that Millenials just can't stay together; they lack the patience and courage it takes to love and live with someone, and they really don't care. I have a few theories as to why this could be the case, and the main one has to do with the progression of gender roles over time.

Long ago, it was the man's duty to provide for the family, protect them, and fix things that needed fixing while the woman was to stay home, keep the house clean, and have lots of healthy, giggling babies. Due to humanity, though, some assholes abused this status quo and you would find men not supporting their families, instead going out to drink all night and supporting random women with their money, then beat their wives silly if they dared to voice their opinions on the same. Some women as well engaged in random acts of diva-ism; running around gossiping, partying and dropping babies randomly, not caring and nurturing them as a mother should. These are the women who mothered us, and the men who fathered us; are you starting to see the problem?
Responsible mothers naturally loved their children equally, but taught their daughters to stand up for themselves, and to learn to do things for themselves so they could support themselves in case they ended up alone. They taught them that there was no shame in walking away from an abusive and unsatisfactory relationship- they would receive them with open arms, so they did not have to prove to anyone that they could run a family unless they really wanted to.
As for the men, their mothers loved them also, but that is all they could/would do, and with their fathers away on endless contracts and drinking in the bars, the boys picked up random pieces of information from friends, neighbours, TV, and magazines (the days majority of which were still printed in hard copy of course). And with this, they left to face the world.
Now what do you get when you cross a very empowered female with a very emasculated male, and throw in the mix rapid modernisation?
A disaster, that's what you get.
Other mothers saw this happening and thought that they could love the emasculation out of their sons so they smothered them with even more love (and a little manipulation here and there), but they were wrong; breeding instead entitled little shits who could neither change a light bulb nor fry an egg for themselves when need be.
Probably because the little that they saw of their fathers seemed untouchable, happy, successful and content, they decided subconsciously that this was the way to be, so they carried this same attitude and behaviour and attempted to lay it on women who grew up seeing the endless tears her mother cried and the premature wrinkles she got from stress.
Disaster, I tell you.
The worst of this is that no one wants to change, as they see nothing wrong with them so why compromise? No one either wants to help the other change; if your mother didn't teach you then the world will, as the Swahili proverb warns. Is there any hope for us then? Because messed up children form messed up adults who raise messed up children and the cycle goes on and on, unbroken.
I believe that the change can only start when we admit that we are all screwed up in one way or another; and when we let go of this denial, then we will be able to heal ourselves and each other, seeing as no one is perfect and we have all sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God.....
Let me know if you think I'm right, and if you don't agree also let me know, so we can work on the healing little by little, and fix whatever we can to salvage humanity in some way or the other, or at least the family unit.
'Til next time, keep it foxxy my dears!
XO

INTUITION IN RELATIONSHIPS

 Hello mis amigos! I hope you've all been well. The rains are finally here with us and it's so great; the nostalgia that great skies bring to me is just something else....
Anyway, today I'm going to write about the rarely-discussed super power that is intuition. I have actually been asked if I practice some form of witchcraft by some guy because the second he started to dog around I always knew, regardless of how much he changed his tactics and all. I was flattered by that for some strange reason, unfortunately not enough to forgive the scoundrel though so that was that.
So is there anything to the famous 'gut-feeling'? In my experience, there is, so we should learn to tune in to ourselves and make sure we keep it and nurture it, because it can be lost if abused, or used for evil haha....
Needless to say, there are so many advantages to being intuitive in your relationship- you know the couple who's always completing each other's sentences and getting the other what they want/need without them having said it out loud?
That's healthy intuition.
To say the truth, though, there's no unhealthy intuition, but rather toxic unions where one partner feeds the other so much dirt and ill health that the intuitive partner ends up spiritually sick, and this sickness consumes them from within working its way out and eventually poisoning the entire relationship.are untested theories that have up until now not been tested enough or have not yielded worthwhile results.
Unfortunately, I only know how to get into this situation but not really how to get out because so far all that I have
So how do you get here? If you are the intuitive, then you lose touch with your partner when they hurt you so often or so bad that you essentially expel them from your psyche and lock them out, more as a defense mechanism than anything else. Whatever it is that they have done to get you there; be it cheating, gas-lighting, or constantly lying and being undependable, just know that you will get no closure by doing it back to them so that they 'know how you felt'. This will only end up hurting you more, so in the event that you feel you are beyond repair, the greatest favor you can do for yourself is to leave the relationship which may hurt initially, but over time you will heal and things will be sunny again.

If however you are, say, married, and maybe even have kids, the verdict is still out on that one, but one thing that has been great for me is to keep busy with anything and everything- cook, sew, write, make crafts, work out, go back to school etc just do anything that keeps your mind occupied. Of course you have to go back in the evening to the root cause of your problem in which case the anger rises up again like an old injury aches on a cold day but hard as it may be, just avoid any aggression though you may be craving for it. Walk away from any looming confrontation because even if you physically fight to the death, the pain will still be there, and you will have a body to bury on top of all that (bad joke I guess but honestly just get it and laugh or fume and move on, your call).
I realize this post started out about intuition but has spiraled into healing after being cheated on and I'm trying to turn it back around so hear me out, like I said the cold season is here and with it are memories I wish I could bury before they bury me.
When you are not the intuitive one, you can try and be attentive, and I believe you can grow something like 'acquired intuition', if you will, from this. Listen to your partners' words as well as their actions. Do not ever use their feelings against them and of course never ever use something they told you about themselves in confidence in a fight. You may win but you will have become a monster

in their eyes, and honestly it's always so much easier to cause harm than it is to undo it. Also never take the liberty to 'know what they mean' or 'care for their best intentions' when you know you are just soothing your aching ego and salving your sick conscience; for example flirting with someone else in their presence then sheepishly saying when confronted 'I know that turns you on a bit' or 'I like it when you're jealous, it's cute' or 'you know that you're the one I really love'.

Which brings me to something else; show your love; it's never enough to just say it a million times because it loses taste and meaning even on the occasions when it may be true. Don't say you love your partner then cheat on them with their friend or some random office worker you came across just because they are at home and won't know; or even if they know, you're sure that they love you and/or have kids with you so they won't leave anyway. Honestly what the effing eff even.
Don't say you love them if you cannot put their interests before your own, time and again, no matter how trivial they may seem to you.
Don't say you love them then manipulate and gas-light the ever-living hell out of them.
Don't say you love them if you just can't take their feelings and sentiments seriously and you feel as if they are doing and saying things to trap or manipulate you because either way; if they are, you ought to leave them but if they aren't then you're just reflecting your behavior on them and imagine they are acting as you would if in that situation so,uummm, leave yourself.....?
Or love yourself and grow the hell up.

Hear them when they tell you that they don't like it when you take pictures of attractive members of the opposite sex while you're at some social gathering TOGETHER, or when you respond in a 'neutral' way to texts from your  exes or love interests. Just stop it if you love them, and don't try to claim that you would not drive a dagger through their hearts (or hack them to death with an ax in public) because there is really no difference - both ways you kill them.
It's not even a hormonal thing because betrayal hurts all genders, ages, tribes, and religions so if it would hurt if done to you then why do it to the person you're with? Are you the Devil from Eden testing how strong their loyalty is? Because if you are then you should know it will hurt them whatever your justification for it is; just slither back down to hell.
Because it hurts that much more when you claim that you love them.
And then some more when they just happen to believe you and love you back.

What now if you didn't have the common sense to know the above and are now with Bruno Mars; locked out of heaven? I honestly don't know. Pray, maybe. Keep the lines of communication open when they want to talk -while they want to talk, because a time will come when they won't and honestly then that's done.
If you are already at this point when they are not bugging you with 'we need to discuss this and find a way forward', or 'I miss us, and wish we were the way we were before', or even 'do you think we will get through this?', then I guess just leave them; you've already lost them and their physical presence means absolutely nothing.

I hope there was some help here; don't dig yourself a hole you won't be able to climb out of, and conversely if you have been pushed into a shallow grave by your significant other, don't grow cold, ugly, and bitter, there may be someone down the road who will turn all this around, but again don't count on it, just focus on being happy and nice for your own peace of mind and personal satisfaction, no one's worth it in the end....
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PICTURE-PERFECT RELATIONSHIPS, AKA 'COUPLE GOALS'

Hello darlings! I trust you have all kept well, loving even if treated unkind, and  healthy even if broke lol....
So early this week, thanks to the internet and a bunch of sleepless neighbors, we were served some drama when a prominent vlogging couple had a nasty breakup, or extension of a breakup, and got some text and even video evidence of the goings-on.
This made me want to write about those picture-perfect couples we all have seen at some point of our lives (especially on social media), or even have the pleasure of knowing personally. Although there is no such thing as a perfect union of any kind, we are all really easy to deceive and find ourselves typing fast 'couple goals' on pictures of people whom we have never ever met just based on what they share online.
As either a victim or ambassador (depending on where you stand) of being idolized as a perfect couple member myself, I'm here to tell you that the fights are bitter, and the compromise needed is out of this world.
Contrary to popular belief, we do not always split the tab and the house chores, neither do we find ourselves completing each other's sentences and being synchronous in everything we do.

Sometimes he wants left while I want right, and others he won't eat dagaa yet it may be all I'm craving for.
Other times he will refuse to help out with some duty when I'm feeling too unwell to do it, or even act up a storm if I ask him to help, and I in turn will archive this to torment him with days, weeks, or even months after the event, at my own pleasure.
Outside, people see us stepping aside for the other to pass, or calmly arguing about some issue or other with healthy attitudes and hearty smiles, and for some reason they think that we carry this to our home and stay like that from sun up to sun down.
This is honestly not even possible to say the truth, because we are two different people with different backgrounds and upbringing, different opinions and even different hormones flowing through us, of variable concentrations and combinations, so stress will affect us differently, for instance.
I cannot even start to say how difficult it is when I'm pregnant or we are going through some financial issue or just generally under pressure from life;we borderline turn into animals and the house becomes a multi-room fight club.
When the kids are around and/or awake though, we try very hard to disagree amicably; so hard, in fact, that it is becoming a kind of second nature to us to have a diplomatic fight without raising our voices or lifting our fists against each other. Personally I grew up

in a home where my parents fought plenty, openly, and no holds barred, though never physically but verbally and up to this day, I can't stand being yelled at and being in an environment where people are yelling at each other stresses me tf out.
I do not want to put my kids through this, and fortunately, neither does he, so for this I am lucky-we all are, because we have relative peace of mind while at home, and even if the two of us are fighting, it becomes very exhausting to keep switching from angry to happy, back to fight mode then again play mode. Over time, I hope we will be able to stop altogether, but I am not disillusioned enough to imagine that our seas will be permanently calm.
Still, I keep praying for the best.
I believe that it is this kind of irrational thinking that has pushed the divorce rates through the roof, the thinking that one can find a spouse that will never be angry, will always be supportive, and will never be broke (lol for that one especially). It is not even that they grew up in perfect households, and they are not perfect themselves, but they seem to think that they can have a tv-kind of person, and it saddens me to say that girls and ladies are the worst afflicted.
It is so bad that I had a friend who used to tell me that she's 'talking to' about four guys at any given point, and when I asked her how she would feel if the guys were also 'talking to' other ladies, she hesitated before saying that she would not really mind. So then I asked her what her endgame was, and she told me she wanted to settle with one that ticked a majority of her boxes, which included having a car, and for the longest time ever, she would pick a guy then drop him, because according to her 'he was wealthy but didn't have good looks, or he was handsome but didn't drive, or he expected me to stop talking to the other guys'
..etc....
...etc....
....etc....
So eventually I told her she wasn't being realistic, and that she should also realize she had some glaring flaws herself so she can't just hop from boy to guy to boy and so on because eventually she would fail at her own game, and she chastised me, asking me why I was saying that things like driving were not necessarily deal breakers yet when I met and settled for my boyfriend/baby daddy/mzee he was driving.
I wondered if it had been a competition all along, but she went on to tell me that most of her friends

in serious relationships were with driving guys. It didn't seem to change her mind when I told her that he was not driving at the time we met, and we actually got serious a while before he  got the car, and though we stopped arguing at this point, I'm not sure if she heard me. All the same, she eventually settled down with a guy with a car, and a general nice personality, so I was kinda relieved that she had managed to have her cake and eat it too, and yes, there is no tragedy to read about here.
I was a bit careful about talking relationship issues with her after that however, because we were clearly of two very different mind-sets, and we drifted apart since then so apart from the random checking up on her, we don't exactly talk that much.
It just got home to me at that time that females seem to have their priorities messed up, because they will very often choose wealth over charisma, kindness, and even health.
I'm not saying go to the gutters to collect the brokest of the broke, after all guys will also seek out the most attractive female they can find to shack up with, just that you should not dismiss everyone who can't drive you to a black-tie dinner every two weeks because who knows, you may walk everywhere but glow from the unadulterated love you are getting, all while keeping fit.....
That's all I have for today, and I hope that people(women) will stop trying to get impossible ideals while they are themselves very basic and have little to offer besides warmth on a bed. Til next time, stay sane my friends!
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WARNING SIGNS OF A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP YOU SHOULD NOT IGNORE Part 2

Hello foxxy mamas and here is the continuation to yesterday's post, because you already know what we talked about here, let's get right into it....

Entitlement
The toxic person will feel entitled to do and have whatever he wants regardless of your feelings or the moral implications. They have an absolute right to do whatever they want and if you disobey or violate them then they will feel they also have the right to punish you however they deem fit.
You, on the other hand,, have no right to put up a fight, or even to leave them because of their mistreatment. You are to stay put in order to avoid even more punishment.

The Waitress Test
The general rule this term implies is that the way your love interest treats waitresses and other random and neutral people of the opposite sex is the way they will start to treat you in six months once the honeymoon phase is over. This period will have served its purpose to his usefulness of you to him and he is now on his way to conquer others so you fall by the wayside.
Because the good nature a psychopath shows is only a facade, it will disappear as soon as your perceived utility is done.

Jekyll & Hyde, Night & Day

The toxic individual is basically a Jekyll and Hyde who uses his good side to attract victims while the bad ugly side is his true self, and which becomes more dominant over time and to those in intimate contact with him. As such some people will say he is an angel while others say he is a demon.
Listen to your intuition if you suspect anything, and see how your partner reacts when you express different needs and opinions and exercise your individuality, bearing in mind that a psychopath will eventually let his true colors out over extended intimate contact.

Walking on Eggshells
When dealing with a toxic person, you find yourself taking extra care on what you do and say, how you dress and relate to other people, and just about everything else you do because you don't know what will trigger their hostility and detachment to you, or some other of their 'punishments' to you.

They Gaslight You
When your partner lies to you to the point that you start doubting your reality then discourages and belittles you until you lose your self-confidence, they are toxic and their next move is to mistreat you until you lash out in the most crazy fashion possible. Remember all the gas-lighting we talked about here.
The toxic individual will put you in a combat situation and your reaction will be used to judge you, harshly, as no one else around you can see the war going on, save for the individuals they may be cheating on you with and such so save your sanity and yourself in this situation; get out.

Your Feelings Do Not Matter
The narcissistic psychopath will only flatter you so they can use and abuse you in the long term because their selfishness is absolute. They are so self-worshipping that others' feelings are completely worthless to them and their capacity for evil comes from their inability to respect others as fellow human beings with independent needs; they only exist to serve their purpose in the designated spots they have for them in their lives.
This person will be really hostile when faced with criticism and reacts with anger whenever their behavior is questioned or disapproved.

Your Friends And Family Do Not Like Them
This is because they are outside, and have an objective view of the situation. In the beginning they might like your partner but as they observe the progression they will grow cold and try to tell you, to which your partner will respond as a disapproval of you and not them by your friends and family.
As they alienate you and make you a version of yourself they cannot recognize, your partner will use this to pit you against them and make them seem like the villains, which will make your alienation almost your own intention.


Past Behavior
A person's past is a great and almost always accurate indicator of their future behavior although sometimes, people change when they put in genuine and consistent effort. A toxic person however will never change as his true nature is damaging and so generally if they have cheated on and/or abused their partners in the past, what you are about to be is no exception so take care.
They will have a 'don't take anything from nobody' attitude and their consistent bad behaviors are down to their lack of character and not their partners, as they would have you believe.

Never Good Enough
In a toxic relationship, nothing you do is ever good enough for your partner; there will always be a new hoop to ump through while the bar keeps getting set higher and higher each time. Once the honeymoon phase is over, you don't support him enough, you don't express yourself well enough, you don't dress well enough, and so on and so forth so eventually they begin letting you know both in words and actions that you are very lucky to be with them as nobody else would want you.

Control Issues

The toxic partner wants you to focus everything you have on them and insist on accompanying you to individual activities so you are constantly in their sight. They may shower you with gifts and money but this is not out of genuine appreciation for you; more in order to discourage you from having to go outside and work out of the house.
The aim of this is in order to keep you from taking part in activities or fun that they are not in complete control of. This goes as far as breakups are involved, and the toxic partner will drop you without a second thought when it is on their terms but when the other party initiates the breakup, they beg and plead and as a last resort use violence to keep you fro leaving, and if you stay their behaviors towards you only get worse.

Quick Attachments
Due to their shallow emotions, toxic partners are really quick to commit to you typically in a few short weeks starting to say they love you and even propose to move in together or get married. They shower you with gifts, promises, and flattery, and convince you that you are 'the one'. This red flag is true because normal people need time to develop a real relationship because there is a lot at stake, but not toxic individuals, who are only trying to get you into their lives so they can go ahead with their main agenda.
As they say 'easy come, easy go', this type of person will be really fast in latching on to you but also be really fast in detaching from you to pursue the next interest.

This is all I have read up on toxic relationships, and I have become an expert at it partly due to being in one for the longest time. So why do I stay in this hell of a relationship myself? Join me next time as I examine the reasons why I do this, and why countless other people probably also do. Till then, stay foxxxy!

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HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE WITH A NARCISSIST

Hazard, not the footballer though...

The biohazard warning is very necessary in this case, because I am about to tell you about an extremely toxic character that you may encounter in a relationship and I do hope this warning will not go ignored.

Emotional manipulation is what a narcissist does, and it is extremely draining to the recipient who becomes disoriented in life and most of the time loses faith in love and in humanity if they finally get out of this situation.

Following below are the signs that you should look out for to be sure that you do not end up with a narcissist; and keep in mind that someone may tick one or two, but the more signs that they have then the more likely and the worse of a narcissist they are, so all the best in dealing with them...

They Isolate You From Family And Friends
If whenever you want to visit or call a friend or family to catch up and maybe find out how they are doing it becomes reason for a fight or a sulk, then watch out. The narcissist will not want you to be happy in your comfortable circle of friends but will want you to only rely on them alone, make them your world so to speak.
They know that your family and friends have the special sight that is afforded by being objective and so will spot things that you will not, early warning signs per se. So if it is always an issue when you need some time with your people then pay close attention before you get drawn in into the unrelenting misery of being with a narcissist.

They Give You The Silent Treatment
You have barely any idea that you have done something wrong, or you know that you have, but did not know it was this bad, yet he will keep himself busy on his phone/laptop/tv whatever and act as if you don't exist. You ask questions and get no response and eventually you get tired of this crap and just apologize so it can end. The narcissist will keep doing this until it becomes a habit for you to apologize when he goes silent, even when he is the one on the wrong and your 'crime' is pointing this out...

They Are Always The Victim
The narcissist will always find a way to get into the victim mode; they cheat, and it's because you were ignoring them or they were frustrated or their mother looked at them wrong when they were a toddler. 
Anything works,and they never get tired of it, a working example is how I saw an incriminating text on my boyfriend's phone the other day, and his response when he realized I was not taking silence was that I always look for trouble and as I wanted to know who he was talking to, he refused to say because 'regardless of what he said or didn't say I would be mad'.
He implied there was a reasonable and acceptable explanation for this but he wasn't giving it to me because I wanted to get mad and so I would do so no matter what he told me, and he stuck to that despite it not earning him the sympathy he wanted from me.
The narcissist will always try to find a way to make you think their bad behavior is a result of third parties, most often you, so be wary of this.

They Project Their Shortcomings Onto You
I have a lot of working examples on this narcissist behavior so here is one from as recently as yesterday; a conversation we had after meeting with a client:
I asked him "so how did the meeting go?" because I had been outside while they talked.
Sulking, he responded "he is complicated, and I had told you to put a flat roof on that drawing"

I was extremely taken aback because I remembered him expressly saying the client had decided on the pitched roof, and despite my having provided a version with the flat roof, he told me to make it pitched so I told him it would take me at least a day to complete and he said he would revert to the client. At the final moment before the work was printed, I asked him to look at it, and he suggested that I change the orientation of the roof on the page as it seemed a bit squeezed where I placed it, but I told him there was no point for that as I needed the space to put in a site plan and septic details, so he said ok and actually printed them himself.

Now I hope you can understand the disbelief I was in when he blamed me for the client getting mad at him and accused me of not following his instruction to put a flat roof in as the client wanted when he had told me otherwise.
Needless to say we had a really big fight after that but he stuck to his guns. This is therefore a landmark behavior of the narcissist, and he will employ it often because he feels that sh*t can't stick on him.

They Give You Lip Service
"Hey will you fix the bathroom light as the guests will arrive in the afternoon?"
Silence.
"... will you fix the bathroom light before the guests arrive?"
"I said I will" and he returns to whatever he was doing, never giving you a single glance.
The narcissist will give you this kind of lip service for pretty much everything you ask of him, and act as though he's a sulky teenager being forced to do something and when you make the mistake of asking why he does this he will either sulk some more, or accuse you of using 'the wrong tone to ask', which is what my resident narcissist does.

They Are Extremely Competitive
So you are good at something? He will try to beat you at it or point out the errors in the way you do it so you geel you are not so good at it after all. If you write, he will pick it up as a hobby to show you he can be good at it and if you draw well, he will tell you of all the awesome drawings he has done over time. This competetive streak will be of abnormal levels and he will aways end up making you see that whatever you can do, he can also do, and probably be better at it than you are.

evil exes

Their Exes Are Always One Bad Thing Or The Other
They broke up with their ex because he/she was too clingy, or they never carried their weight in the relationship, or they had mommy/daddy issues, always something or the other, but it was never ever their fault because they are perfect, and they will accuse you of feeling perfect or expecting them to be perfect when you have a fight with them over their mental issues so there is no winning here.

You Are Never Good Enough For Them
You cooked steak for them? It's ok but they feel it is a bit too salty, and that cake you baked is ever so slightly undercooked. You do not clean up well after yourself (even if the environment they grew up in says their OCD is a mere myth) and you are not such a great mom to your kids because you often lose patience with them.
When you get sick of this and ask them whether they want to give it a hand and maybe show you by example how to do it best or at least give you a hand so you are better at it, they will hastily respond that it is not their responsibility and you should know how to be good all by yourself like other people.
They diminish your worth of self and work really hard at making you loathe yourself so you feel as if they are really good to you despite their mental torture of you, and imply that they are doing tou a great big favor by letting you stay on with them.

They Punish You For Defying Them
If they ask for bread and you deliver sconce, they will sulk, give you silence and lip service and generally be a headache, getting you to work overtime at trying to ensure they get back ok and you lift their spirits, and this applies to just about anything.
If for instance he asks to get intimate in a certain way and for some reason you don't want that or you can't, he will give a loathsome performance then accuse you of never meeting his needs. Remember that it is never about you but them; you are in his life solely to prop him and make things easier for him so do this or face his psychological warfare.

They Try Turning You Against Others
'So and so said this about you', or 'your friend doesn't really think you are ok, she let it slip a while ago', or even 'your sister doesn't like that dress you wore to her wedding, she just says it to fool you' and so on and so forth. 
This tool is employed by the narcissist so that the rare and random acts of kindness that he gives you seem true, and make him look less of a monster than he is and he keeps you hooked because if you have no one else to turn to, who are you going to believe is after your best interests but him?

They Expect Of You What They Just Can't/Won't Do
They want you to keep the house spick and span but they refuse to clean up after themselves even when that is all they have to do. They want you to take care of the kids, clean them, feed them, and entertain them but they will do this for mere minutes before they call for you to take them back. There are countless instances of this but the payoff is the same; you must be great at everything, but they cannot and should not be expected to do/be the same, as my resident narcissist puts it; "I am just trying to make you into a better version of you as I want the best for you in life".
Yea right.

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