THE ROLE OF ALCOHOL AND PEER PRESSURE IN BROKEN FAMILIES

In general terms, most people of dating age visit a pub, club, or bar every so often to dance and drink the night away, and this is the age group between 21 to 32 years, according to my random approximation and observation. Obviously, there are those that do not want any association with the brew, but those are possibly a small minority and I don't personally know anyone of that kind, so I won't really speak for them.

Hello there, and welcome back! In case you missed it, catch last time's post over here, to know fifteen signs that the woman in your life is wasting your time. So, of late I've been thinking a lot about families splitting up and all the negativity that comes along with this. I wondered what exactly was the reason and came up with one, so here's my piece on what I think is the role of alcohol and peer pressure in broken families. Let me know what you think about it: if there's some truth or if I am growing into our paranoid mums over time, who swore that alcohol is the devil's brew, literally, haha.....

The Setting

As for the rest of us, we drink our better years away until we settle down approximately at 25 years for girls, 27 for the guys and this age is going higher each minute it seems. Probably, we settle down because we start to get serious and comfortable in the relationship, then get a kid, or two. Now, here the trouble starts, because the guy has nothing at all stopping him from keeping up his drinking apart from his principal and this is apparently practically extinct nowadays, while the lady- either by choice or by design, has to stop.

Read the rest over here: https://foxxyma.com/the-role-of-alcohol-and-peer-pressure-in-broken-families/

IS SHE WORTH IT? FIFTEEN SIGNS THAT THE LADY IN YOUR LIFE IS WASTING YOUR TIME

Hello there, and welcome back! So, I had discussed in some detail fifteen tell-tale signs that the man in your life is wasting your time over here; and because I'm always all about equality, here is the polar opposite of that article; to let the men know when they should leave, because ain't nobody wants to have their time (and money, love, food, emotions, bed-space etc) wasted ;)
So, is she worth it? Read below the fifteen signs that the lady in your life is wasting your time, and be ye informed!

1-She Only Calls You When She Needs Something

And when you have nothing to offer, she disappears or suddenly gets too busy for you. This is obviously the same type of female who will add a prefix or suffix to your name like 'atm, dinner, rent, fees' etc in her contact list. That addition is the real purpose you're in her life so read the lines, and leave, unless you love being what she's made you.

2-She Cheats

This is a no-brainer really, because someone that values you and actively wants you in their life would not cheat on you and risk losing you, because she knows this would hurt you, but if you're just passing through her life, then why not?

3-You Are Never In Her Future Plans

Keep your ears open and watch out for this verbal cue because a woman that wants you in her life long-term will put you there subconsciously. She will talk about a road-trip she's planning for next week, or a wedding she's been invited to next month etc, and you will be in the picture, but if she never invites you to future events with her and never alludes to you being by her side in years to come, it might be because she does not even think you will be with her tomorrow, and is simply wasting your time.

Read the rest of this post over here: 
https://foxxyma.com/is-she-worth-it-fifteen-signs-that-the-lady-in-your-life-is-wasting-your-time/

 

WHY IT'S DIFFICULT TO LEAVE A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP; AND HOW TO LEAVE

Hello there! I trust that you've all been great, and here's a quick recap on last time's article about Eight Things To Do If You're Stuck With A Selfish Partner, in case you missed it :). So today we will look at the reasons why it's difficult to leave a toxic relationship, and how to leave, when you finally gather up what's needed so to speak. I may get a bit in my feelings because, well, once again, this is a rather personal topic for me, so buckle up!

 

The Why's

1-The main reason why it's so difficult to leave a toxic relationship is the toxic partner's chameleon-like ability to change their behavior as it suits them, and because at their best, they seem like the best humans ever, nursing you and caring for you like no one has ever seen- and especially in public, but this is only so that they can tear you down mercilessly in private. They are extremely charming in public, or at least around people they hold in high esteem, or people who it serves their interests to show their good side like your family and friends, and sometimes their family and friends as well.

 Catch the rest of the post over here: https://foxxyma.com/why-its-difficult-to-leave-a-toxic-relationship-and-how-to-leave/

EIGHT THINGS TO DO IF YOU'RE STUCK WITH A SELFISH BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND

So, what do you do when you fall hard for that perfect human being, only to find out too late that he's the stuff that nightmares are made of, or she's the monster you prayed never to encounter? This gets compounded when their parents (mothers, especially) will just pretend to weep with you when you try talking to them of your marital woes, only to backbite you when you're out of site. Needless to say, you're too broke to leave this toxic situation, or you had kids with this monster and now a terrible situation is just that much worse because you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't. Now, what do you do?

At this point, I should probably elaborate that by selfishness, I mean putting their needs before you each time, and not paying much regard to you and what you want/need. A selfish partner acts as though they are alone in the relationship and cut you out of decisions and you are basically two individuals who should be close but are living as acquaintances.

This is not by any means a fool-proof therapy/advice post, but the straws that I had to grab at not to drown in the noxious fumes that were my relationship with a very selfish individual in my college days. I hope you do get a way to reach some dry land fast, before you lose yourself forever. Read on, and do not hesitate to leave a comment on what you think could help, if I haven't mentioned it. Here are the eight things to do when your boyfriend or girlfriend is a selfish piece of work....

 

1-Talk with them and let them know how you feel. As with everything else in a relationship, communication should always be the first resort. While you probably learnt or were taught how to act right early in life, some unfortunate individuals do not have the same luck. They may not have had anyone to show them how they should be, or they may actually innocently be obnoxious and immature from not being in an intimate relationship before. Before you throw in the towel and leave, sit them down and talk deeply with them, letting them know that it's making the relationship unbearable when they are like that, and if they do agree that they see the problem and decode to change, be sure to teach them how to be, and be patient with them while they learn. Chances are that their family and friends will also notice the improvement, and who does not want to be seen as a worthwhile addition to somebodies' life by their close ones?

 

2-Always try to look your best. So this may seem very materialistic and pointlessly vain, but looking good has actually been linked to feeling better so you should not let a bad relationship stifle your fashion sense. Wear nice clothes that fit well, apply some make up of you want to, and use some perfume to lift your spirits. Understand that your main purpose in life was not to be loved or to love this person you ended up with: any relationship takes two to tangle so if they value it they should pick up their slack and keep up with your efforts, otherwise, it is up to them if they want to fall by the wayside and try to manipulate some feelings out of you.

 

Read the rest of this article here: https://foxxyma.com/eight-things-to-do-if-stuck-with-a-selfish-boyfriend-girlfriend/

SIDE DISH CHRONICLES

This thing just had to get me in trouble, and a hell of a lot sooner than I had assumed it would...... Yea you read right: I decided that since I can't beat him then why not join him, maybe see things from his perspective and stuff.
So buckle up my foxxes, there's going to be some turbulence.....
Sometime last year after his text fiasco, there was of course another text, and another one, and some whatsapp texts and pictures, so I got sick of it and while in town shopping for a phone one day, I exchanged numbers with one of the attendants, tacky I guess but whatever, he was cute and I was drunk in vengeance.
I also scrolled through my contacts, and found one of a guy I'd matched with on tinder way back in 2016, after the second affair.... This is a story for another day .... So anyway I chatted them both up, of course the one I had known for a longer time got straight to business while we were covering friendly ground with the other one. I honestly don't

have a great answer for why I did this, but think it was more due to boredom and curiosity than anything else because heaven knows I had no serious intention of taking things to the next level with either of them (not to say I did not fantasize about it, though).

So anyway it's all friendly chats and random calls from one, and super risqué private chats with the other. Looking back I think I got caught because of lack of experience.... The last fight we had had before all of these, was a major one -phone breaking major- and I was still smoldering in the aftermath of adrenaline/anger/hatred/ everything I had felt.

catch the rest over here, guys: https://foxxyma.com/side-dish-chronicles/

A HANDY GUIDE ON WHAT TO DO IF YOU DECIDE TO STAY DESPITE YOUR PARTNER CHEATING

Hello loves!! It' been a while, but June is here, and it feels like winter has officially arrived around these parts and like an ancient injury, heartache often rises again sooner or later; the ache is dull but still there nonetheless so I've decided to write down a handy guide of how to live with your significant other, if you decide to stay through their philandering, for whatever crazy reason haha... read on!

Before you set sail on this difficult journey of forgiving a cheating partner, consider these five things:

1-Is it the first occurrence of infidelity? Has your partner cheated before, and what happened after that? Were there any repercussions and did you work through it? Was it with the same person or a different one? Answering all these will help you know whether your forgiveness is any good, or if you're in a sinking ship and whether or not you will choose to sink with it. Someone who cheats once has a higher chance of not cheating again than a repeat offender and also if it is with one single individual that they cheat severally with, or over a long period despite your protests, it may be a sign that they are deeply involved in feelings with the other person.

2-Did they volunteer the information or did you discover on your own? Sometimes, a partner will confess their cheating because, well, a guilty conscience needs no accuser, and while guilt is a sign that they regret their action it may not be a sure tell that they won't repeat it again. A cheat who is nonchalant about the affair will more often than not endure the bad looks and nasty words that they may receive, only to do it again because they're probably a sociopath haha... for real, though....

                              ***********************************************

So now that we've gotten that out of the way, here are eleven things that you need to do in order to give your relationship the best fighting chance, but as with all fights in the universe, be sure you know when to quit, it just might save your sanity or even life....

1-Try to forget. As much as this is honestly impossible, it may help you achieve some peace of mind. As much as you can never completely forget the emotions you went through when you got cheated on, do yourself a favor and avoid having a total recall by not obsessing over the event. Do talk it out and take as long as you need to until life feels normal again, so you can both continue as happily as possible ahead, or if you do leave, at least leave it behind and don't drag the unnecessary baggage around.

2-Work on rebuilding the lost trust. This is heavy lifting, because no matter what grand promises someone may make, they are always who they are and I personally believe a cheat is a cheat, but I am sure that people are different, and so just because I had a particular experience with a serial cheat it does not mean that everyone else out there is the same and will act like that. While my cheat lied several times that it would not occur again- yet repeated the act and feigned remorse, it is not necessarily true for everyone. If they seem willing to go down this path with you, then by all means take the leap of faith, and bring the big guns as it won't be a walk in the park; but with their cooperation things may work out well in the end. Have them know that it feels better to know their locations most of the times, and the company you are with, if at all this will ease your mind, and other such things to help salvage your faith in them. If they do not cooperate however, you can assume that it is because they are up to some more nonsense, or they feel that this is too much work to do for you, whichever the case, save yourself more regret and find the door...

Read the complete post here: https://foxxyma.com/a-handy-guide-on-what-to-do-if-you-decide-to-stay-despite-your-partner-cheating/

                                                                  XO

RANDOM MUSING ON HOW TO LOVE A MAN

Seriously though my fellow women, I think you should settle for a guy who loves you, but who you just like,the one who gives you butterflies every time you look at him; keep him in the friend zone, go to a therapist if you have to so that you see him as no more than a brother because the second you love him, you have lost.
Most men do not know how to be loved-how to reciprocate the love they receive, you see how they treat their mothers, who birthed them and risked and sacrificed everything in the world for them, an example is how casually he will lie to her over the phone or just ignore the call altogether when the two of you are together. If he does this to his own mother, what do you think he's going to do to you? You did not bring him into this world, you do not supply his every single need, you are just someone who loves him.
You are not the prettiest, the smartest, the wealthiest, etc, all those are walking around out there, so why would he not ditch you the second he gets a shot at something better, or just something a bit different (they always love variety after all)? You see, when a man discovers that you love him (remember that his mother also loves him, probably a lot more than you) and that you are willing to do anything for him because of love, he will realize he has a safety net to catch him any time he falls, and do you know what he will do? He will do random crazy experiments, little by little, and small ones at first to test your limits, but rest assured that they will grow in scale over time.

Each time he flirts and sexts another lady and he apologizes and you forgive him and let go, he will move to the next rung in the ladder, cheat, have kids outside, maybe even bring other women home eventually because he knows you love him, and you won't let anyone come between you two. If you have to love a man and be in a relationship with him, all the best, but just know that you will need to keep the leash supernaturally short; when you catch him smiling at another lady raise hell, and make sure he knows every second that you remember and you don't like it, so that he will know that the higher he goes, the cooler it will become, and maybe that will stop him but even then, set a standard beyond which you will not stay because if he knows about your standard, and you stay even after he steps over that boundary, my friend, Wetangula and his gold scandals have got nothing on you.
Women, are you with me? Love yourselves, and love your mothers, love your children and then love the others, (men are in this group), and in this exact order. If you choose to disregard my advice, you will suffer, you will come to this page asking why is he so heartless etc, and I will refer you back here. I hope that you will be better students in the school of life than the other schools where all we did was copy others' assignments and eat snacks in class. Learn from my experience and if you want, you can come for more classes on my blog haha.

So men, you're okay and all, and it's not that we want you banished to the ends of the universe because we kinda need you; but just settle for the love that your mothers give to you because when the rest of us love you it becomes the death of us, and I'm sure you don't want us all to die......... No hard feelings, but whatever, if you want to catch feelings then here's some gloves 🧤.
Also catch it here https://foxxyma.com/random-musing-on-how-to-love-a-man/

                                         XO

IS HE WORTH IT? FIFTEEN SIGNS THAT THE MAN IN YOUR LIFE IS WASTING YOUR TIME

Hey all, today I'm going to write about the signs that you need to look out for if you want to know whether the man in your life is there for keeps, or if he is just a passer-by. No woman wants to spend seven years next to some loser, all the while teaching him to be a better man and ironing out the kinks that his mother left behind, only to find themselves with two kids, no career, no savings, and no plan-B, on the third weekend of the month that he has gone on a drinking spree with his buddies like a naive alcohol-starved and hormone-ridden teen. Read on and be watchful my friends!

1- He won't commit
If every time you ask him what your relationship is he starts to glance around like a pickpocket and/or dismisses you, it's time to bounce because you are just a time-filler in his life, and like the billions of his kind out there, he doesn't know what he wants so good luck finding it out...

2- He still talks with former and potential love interests
His phone is chock-full of messages, texts, emails and the like to and from people he felt something for or even had a relationship with at some point in time. When you ask him about it, he will give the timeworn classic of 'she means nothing to me, we're just talking', or like a loser I knew once said 'she texted hello and I felt obligated to respond, my mother never raised me to be rude and it would have been rude of me to ignore her' ...... Like seriously, isn't it just totally psychotic to hide behind good morals while doing such an immoral and unethical act such as trying to double-time you? The nerve he had was something crucial to say the least though, and I hope it takes him very far in life.....very far away from me haha.....

Catch the rest of the post over here: https://foxxyma.com/is-he-worth-it-fifteen-signs-that-the-man-in-your-life-is-wasting-your-time/

WHY YOU ARE FEELING TRAPPED IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP

 Hello all! If you have been in more than three relationships, there is a very good chance that in at least one of them you developed the feeling that you were trapped; cornered and suffocated. Obviously, this is less than ideal because most of us seek out and engage in relationships in order to feel the joy, companionship, light, and laughter that being with a fellow human being is bound to bring.
Today I will go through the signs, reasons, and solutions to feeling trapped in a relationship so read on to find out if you are indeed trapped, and if there's something you can do about it...

SIGNS THAT YOU FEEL TRAPPED
So this may seem pretty straightforward, but just to clarify if indeed what you are feeling is trapped, here we go:
1-You are tired and unhappy;
2-All you do is give and give and give;
3-You are not yourself any more;
4-You are staying out of pity or guilt;
5-Your close friends and family notice you have changed;

Catch the rest of the post over here : https://foxxyma.com/why-you-are-feeling-trapped-in-your-relationship/

                                                                    XOXO

WHY MOST RELATIONSHIPS DO NOT LAST NOWADAYS

Of late it seems that when you turn to the left, a couple is breaking up and when you turn to the right, another one is hacking each other to death, or stabbing or shooting or strangling them and you have to ask, why is this?
Granted, we are living in a global village thanks to the internet and the distribution of information seamlessly and instantly from all corners of the world to everywhere else, so if you are looking for something you are bound to find it in plenty.
In the last five years, however, it just seems to me like I know a lot more people breaking up than I did say, ten years ago; I honestly hardly used to hear so many people splitting up even though there were still some. It seems that Millenials just can't stay together; they lack the patience and courage it takes to love and live with someone, and they really don't care. I have a few theories as to why this could be the case, and the main one has to do with the progression of gender roles over time.

Long ago, it was the man's duty to provide for the family, protect them, and fix things that needed fixing while the woman was to stay home, keep the house clean, and have lots of healthy, giggling babies. Due to humanity, though, some assholes abused this status quo and you would find men not supporting their families, instead going out to drink all night and supporting random women with their money, then beat their wives silly if they dared to voice their opinions on the same. Some women as well engaged in random acts of diva-ism; running around gossiping, partying and dropping babies randomly, not caring and nurturing them as a mother should. These are the women who mothered us, and the men who fathered us; are you starting to see the problem?
Responsible mothers naturally loved their children equally, but taught their daughters to stand up for themselves, and to learn to do things for themselves so they could support themselves in case they ended up alone. They taught them that there was no shame in walking away from an abusive and unsatisfactory relationship- they would receive them with open arms, so they did not have to prove to anyone that they could run a family unless they really wanted to.
As for the men, their mothers loved them also, but that is all they could/would do, and with their fathers away on endless contracts and drinking in the bars, the boys picked up random pieces of information from friends, neighbours, TV, and magazines (the days majority of which were still printed in hard copy of course). And with this, they left to face the world.
Now what do you get when you cross a very empowered female with a very emasculated male, and throw in the mix rapid modernisation?
A disaster, that's what you get.
Other mothers saw this happening and thought that they could love the emasculation out of their sons so they smothered them with even more love (and a little manipulation here and there), but they were wrong; breeding instead entitled little shits who could neither change a light bulb nor fry an egg for themselves when need be.
Probably because the little that they saw of their fathers seemed untouchable, happy, successful and content, they decided subconsciously that this was the way to be, so they carried this same attitude and behaviour and attempted to lay it on women who grew up seeing the endless tears her mother cried and the premature wrinkles she got from stress.
Disaster, I tell you.
The worst of this is that no one wants to change, as they see nothing wrong with them so why compromise? No one either wants to help the other change; if your mother didn't teach you then the world will, as the Swahili proverb warns. Is there any hope for us then? Because messed up children form messed up adults who raise messed up children and the cycle goes on and on, unbroken.
I believe that the change can only start when we admit that we are all screwed up in one way or another; and when we let go of this denial, then we will be able to heal ourselves and each other, seeing as no one is perfect and we have all sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God.....
Let me know if you think I'm right, and if you don't agree also let me know, so we can work on the healing little by little, and fix whatever we can to salvage humanity in some way or the other, or at least the family unit.
'Til next time, keep it foxxy my dears!
XO

I AM LIVE!!

Hello my loves!! I am glad to share that I've finally got my site up and running over here: www.foxxyma.com
Thank you all so much for keeping me company over here but now it's time to spread my wings, and try it out on a kinda bigger scale as I feel I will have more opportunities over there.
I hope you will follow me there, catching up on the past posts you've come across here and a few edits here and there, as well as brand new posts when we are done catching up, probably in a week or so.
Keep it foxxy, and I will love entertaining and interacting with you over there, as well as imparting some advice :)
See you on the other side!       
      
                                 HUGS AND KISSES!

HAVE I BECOME THE TOXIC PARTNER

Hello there! I trust that your week has been abundant with wisdom and completely positive and all that nice stuff; I just planted some greens in the garden so I could say that mine has been great!
Anyway with all the good vibes going round I came to a kind of revelation while deep in my daydreams, that although I have been the recipient of some especially rotten antics, I may have borrowed from them a little more than I want to admit, and that I may have become a bit toxic from that.

Obviously, 'a bit' is relative.

So anyway the main reason for this conclusion is that sometimes I get really aggressive and go all out in revenge not caring a lot about much else- feelings, thoughts, responses, and anything else (of the other person) just cease to matter to me. And the it's not a change that occurs at the snap of a finger though that is what it looks like to the outside observer. It's a process that begins very much in advance and builds over time, picking random pieces here and there and growing in size like an avalanche until finally boom! It hits the unfortunate victim; nowadays mostly my spouse who I guess has developed some rather thick skin and mostly deals with it better than I expect him to.
It doesn't make it any better for either of us to be able to predict the patterns that lead up to it, but it has to be worth something. He's asked me before if I can stand to live with a person like myself, and in my mind I just see all the logic, planning, rationality, and order that would be there so I say yes every time. But maybe what he sees is everything that I have managed to get out of my self. Maybe I wear all my unlikable traits on the surface so that the inside is nice, calm, and lovely, because I value within a lot more than I value outside - it is my final stand after all, the only place I can find peace, serenity, and security when the world around me goes dark.
I can understand why he wants me to make our house into something similar; so he can have peace, love, quiet, and all those nice things going when he gets home from a bad day out there, so he can rest and rebuild the strength to go face the terrible outside world another day. So why do I not share my inside peace with him? Maybe it could be because I think he doesn't deserve it; he got himself thrown out so now he should just brace himself for the coming winter without any help or sympathy from me. Maybe there's a magic key or set of keys that he needs in order to get back in.
We tend to take for-granted the things that we don't have to work for, and feel they are less valuable than the ones we sweat for. The first time round I gave him the key free of charge, and I can't help but to wonder if I had made him work for it how different things would have been right now? Maybe we would not even be together, and maybe that would have been for the best. But we are now, and have kids that we brought into our stupid, messy lives, so any decision I/We make has to be filtered through their eyes first.

I heard that women find it easier to forgive cheating spouses than men do, but could it be that it's not easier for them to bear mistreatment, but rather it's harder for them to dissociate themselves from the consequences of their actions?
As as stupid as it sounds when you hear 'I stayed and endured it for the kids', it's a very different railway track when you become a mother; when you look into the eyes of your little angels and you cannot think of a single person or thing that you wouldn't kill (or try to) just so those eyes will never cry in pain.
What then is your own self worth at this point? Of course you want to hang around and watch them get little ones of their own and succeed infinitely but what if by looking out for your own self interest and leaving their father you will throw a spanner in the works?
I know it's just as messy to have to watch your parents fight every damn day but honestly, would you rather they just stopped trying and parted ways or they stayed and tried to fix things no matter how much it seemed to take? After all, you never asked them to have you...
So which one would I choose; stay and grow bitter from all the hurt or leave and watch my kids grow bitter because they feel short-changed? It's true they rarely appreciate the sacrifices that you make for their sake but some of these actions have consequences in real-time; and the results are visible for lifetimes in the afflicted. Sometimes.
So which would you rather; that I stay and lose my mind trying to get things under control, or leave and try out new roads, at the risk that my kids will lean the other way when it's too late to change anything about anything?
Which would I rather?
Also read more here, and don't forget to subscribe!
                                                                           X O 

INTUITION IN RELATIONSHIPS

 Hello mis amigos! I hope you've all been well. The rains are finally here with us and it's so great; the nostalgia that great skies bring to me is just something else....
Anyway, today I'm going to write about the rarely-discussed super power that is intuition. I have actually been asked if I practice some form of witchcraft by some guy because the second he started to dog around I always knew, regardless of how much he changed his tactics and all. I was flattered by that for some strange reason, unfortunately not enough to forgive the scoundrel though so that was that.
So is there anything to the famous 'gut-feeling'? In my experience, there is, so we should learn to tune in to ourselves and make sure we keep it and nurture it, because it can be lost if abused, or used for evil haha....
Needless to say, there are so many advantages to being intuitive in your relationship- you know the couple who's always completing each other's sentences and getting the other what they want/need without them having said it out loud?
That's healthy intuition.
To say the truth, though, there's no unhealthy intuition, but rather toxic unions where one partner feeds the other so much dirt and ill health that the intuitive partner ends up spiritually sick, and this sickness consumes them from within working its way out and eventually poisoning the entire relationship.are untested theories that have up until now not been tested enough or have not yielded worthwhile results.
Unfortunately, I only know how to get into this situation but not really how to get out because so far all that I have
So how do you get here? If you are the intuitive, then you lose touch with your partner when they hurt you so often or so bad that you essentially expel them from your psyche and lock them out, more as a defense mechanism than anything else. Whatever it is that they have done to get you there; be it cheating, gas-lighting, or constantly lying and being undependable, just know that you will get no closure by doing it back to them so that they 'know how you felt'. This will only end up hurting you more, so in the event that you feel you are beyond repair, the greatest favor you can do for yourself is to leave the relationship which may hurt initially, but over time you will heal and things will be sunny again.

If however you are, say, married, and maybe even have kids, the verdict is still out on that one, but one thing that has been great for me is to keep busy with anything and everything- cook, sew, write, make crafts, work out, go back to school etc just do anything that keeps your mind occupied. Of course you have to go back in the evening to the root cause of your problem in which case the anger rises up again like an old injury aches on a cold day but hard as it may be, just avoid any aggression though you may be craving for it. Walk away from any looming confrontation because even if you physically fight to the death, the pain will still be there, and you will have a body to bury on top of all that (bad joke I guess but honestly just get it and laugh or fume and move on, your call).
I realize this post started out about intuition but has spiraled into healing after being cheated on and I'm trying to turn it back around so hear me out, like I said the cold season is here and with it are memories I wish I could bury before they bury me.
When you are not the intuitive one, you can try and be attentive, and I believe you can grow something like 'acquired intuition', if you will, from this. Listen to your partners' words as well as their actions. Do not ever use their feelings against them and of course never ever use something they told you about themselves in confidence in a fight. You may win but you will have become a monster

in their eyes, and honestly it's always so much easier to cause harm than it is to undo it. Also never take the liberty to 'know what they mean' or 'care for their best intentions' when you know you are just soothing your aching ego and salving your sick conscience; for example flirting with someone else in their presence then sheepishly saying when confronted 'I know that turns you on a bit' or 'I like it when you're jealous, it's cute' or 'you know that you're the one I really love'.

Which brings me to something else; show your love; it's never enough to just say it a million times because it loses taste and meaning even on the occasions when it may be true. Don't say you love your partner then cheat on them with their friend or some random office worker you came across just because they are at home and won't know; or even if they know, you're sure that they love you and/or have kids with you so they won't leave anyway. Honestly what the effing eff even.
Don't say you love them if you cannot put their interests before your own, time and again, no matter how trivial they may seem to you.
Don't say you love them then manipulate and gas-light the ever-living hell out of them.
Don't say you love them if you just can't take their feelings and sentiments seriously and you feel as if they are doing and saying things to trap or manipulate you because either way; if they are, you ought to leave them but if they aren't then you're just reflecting your behavior on them and imagine they are acting as you would if in that situation so,uummm, leave yourself.....?
Or love yourself and grow the hell up.

Hear them when they tell you that they don't like it when you take pictures of attractive members of the opposite sex while you're at some social gathering TOGETHER, or when you respond in a 'neutral' way to texts from your  exes or love interests. Just stop it if you love them, and don't try to claim that you would not drive a dagger through their hearts (or hack them to death with an ax in public) because there is really no difference - both ways you kill them.
It's not even a hormonal thing because betrayal hurts all genders, ages, tribes, and religions so if it would hurt if done to you then why do it to the person you're with? Are you the Devil from Eden testing how strong their loyalty is? Because if you are then you should know it will hurt them whatever your justification for it is; just slither back down to hell.
Because it hurts that much more when you claim that you love them.
And then some more when they just happen to believe you and love you back.

What now if you didn't have the common sense to know the above and are now with Bruno Mars; locked out of heaven? I honestly don't know. Pray, maybe. Keep the lines of communication open when they want to talk -while they want to talk, because a time will come when they won't and honestly then that's done.
If you are already at this point when they are not bugging you with 'we need to discuss this and find a way forward', or 'I miss us, and wish we were the way we were before', or even 'do you think we will get through this?', then I guess just leave them; you've already lost them and their physical presence means absolutely nothing.

I hope there was some help here; don't dig yourself a hole you won't be able to climb out of, and conversely if you have been pushed into a shallow grave by your significant other, don't grow cold, ugly, and bitter, there may be someone down the road who will turn all this around, but again don't count on it, just focus on being happy and nice for your own peace of mind and personal satisfaction, no one's worth it in the end....
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PLEASE DON'T TRAP THAT MAN

Hello there dears! I hope you're doing great over there, and I'm here to offer some advice today, which you've probably heard before, but it bears repeating; do not trap that man. It doesn't matter if he's your soul mate, your perfect and better half, the father of your hypothetical kids, etc. Whatever; if he doesn't want to stay with you just let him go, please! You will work so hard at getting him nailed down in place, and then you will have to work at keeping him interested and working for his true love for the rest of your life, which is bound to be hard work....

Think of him like a cat that you want to put inside a box. If the cat does not want to get in the box and you force him, you will be scratched, and if you manage to put him in the box you'll have to work hard to keep him in there. Whenever you want to feed him you will have to open the box to quickly throw in the snack and close it as fast as possible, failure to which you may lose your cat, or your eye, or both because in the process you will receive plenty of scratches. Remember, once that pussy cat escapes the box prison, you will never see him again.
Forever ever.
Grim imagery, no?
Let's get more literal, then.
Imagine going to bed each night, and when he's not next to you, you know he's probably out with someone he feels something for, because once you manage to trap him all he will be thinking of is escaping; which is only human. Just ask the women out there who used pregnancy or some kind of manipulation to trap a guy how it's working out for them and they'll probably tell you it's not so great, that is if they are not still so deep in denial that they will lie through their teeth.

I personally know one who did so; trying to force his arm by getting him to sign on some 'agreement' that he would never want to have anything to do with the kid and when this did not yield the desired results she carried her pregnant self to his parents. She used all her armor, leaving nothing at all to chance - even using her family's background and her situation to evoke sympathy and it worked like a charm.
Or so it seemed.

The guy's mom took pity on her and implored her son to do the same and take her in; she was carrying her future grandchild after all. So she worked her way in, visiting almost every weekend and every time she could spare a moment, telling her new friend and soon to be mom-in-law every dirty little secret she could find of her son, and even a few of the other family members that she could find because, well, who doesn't like a little spy giving them outside perspective of their family?
Soon enough, she had the child and moved in with the guy and they became the perfect family, she had envisioned, but only for a while because soon enough he was out drinking most nights and hanging out with other girls. She would then report all the goings on to her 'mum-in-law' with the hopes that she would reign her son in and get him to act right, but honestly; what mother is going to turn against her son in favor of a woman who she just met? She is also a woman after all, and so she knows all these dirty little tricks that women use where men are concerned.
Eventually the cookie crumbled because she didn't really like the family and pretense can only last for so long, and she started to resent the regular family visits because she realized that she was on her own and the support she had hoped to get from the guy's mum had been a thin veil that wore out. It has gotten so bad that you can literally tell from the guy's expression when he sees the phone ringing that it's his 'wife' because he just gets so damn tired.
She's also not the best human being to be around to say the least- though she seems to be a good mom, to give credit where it's due. She's combative, argumentative, and always has to be the center of attention at all times, and the worst part of her character is that she tries to look like the better person by making other people around her look bad, and getting them in trouble randomly.
So right now watching their lives is kind of like watching some drama movie, and a bit depressing because they lady's angry, the guy is miserable, and the innocent kids (you read that right; more than one) are caught in the cross-hairs of a fight that they should never have been a part of, and they might grow up scarred when they start to see what's going on as they cannot escape it.

Moral of the story? You can take a goat/donkey/hyena/ whatever animal it is down to the river by force, but you cannot make it drink the water if it does not want to so save yourself the eternal headache and leave him the hell alone.
They do say to let them go even if you love them, and if they love you too, they will eventually find their way back to you.

The worst part is when you get a kid/kids in the mix like in the story above because then they become just a passport to your destination; and honestly what do you think will happen when you have the kid, then the guy does not want to even look at the poor bastard, who may resemble him beyond denial?
Will you be able to love him/her despite seeing the face of rejection of your love staring back at you, covered in mucus and dirt, asking you endless questions when all you want is some peace to get something done? Will you really be the mother to him/her that every child deserves because they never asked to be brought here after all; they're just the consequences of your sin? Will you hug them tight and tell them you love them every single day, and that they are the best thing to ever happen to you? Because every child needs that, and you can easily tell the adults that missed it growing up- they are grade A assholes.
Also, child rearing is EXPENSIVE, when you factor in milk, cooking daily for them, milk, a nanny if you are lucky enough to get a job, formula if you can't/won't breastfeed, and diapers (or nappies, nappy liners, pins, nylon underwear, mackintosh, and soap to clean them all up if you go the 'natural' way), so seriously think about it.
Final thought, life is too short to be spending your love where you won't get it back, and there's no point at all to be tapped in a loveless marriage just so you can be called Mrs so-and-so (it's overrated btw). So stay loving my friends, and do not fall into temptation to do the unthinkably unnecessary;chao!
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FEMINISM POINT 1 - 0; MODERN WOMEN VS TRADITIONAL RELATIONSHIPS

Why is it that some men are scared and/or extremely uncomfortable to listen to women talking about their struggles? 
I can't be the only one that's noticed this for real, and I think the main reason is that our mothers, the gentle, docile angels, they are, taught their sons that they are better than their daughters. 
This gave rise to a generation of men who feel the entitlement like heat on a sunny afternoon. They believe that women are fine with their position and those that aren't are just idle troublemakers, and their situation is ideal-although they would not like it one bit if they had to trade places. 
They think they can just ignore it until the issue goes away by itself, and that those who are dogs will keep being dogs while their females endure it silently with prayers and discreet family interventions, just like their mothers did.
Some of the mothers actually have a self-loathing that translates into hating all fellow women, and viewing themselves as irrational, evil, parasitic, and generally useless (only useful for bearing sons I guess, so they can be taught to hate women by the very ones that give them life and so on and so forth).

Maybe this explains why men raised by single mothers tend to be so much better balanced and respectful while those from whole families are mostly spoilt pieces of dung, quite ironically... 
I can't really say about single fathers, as I personally know very few single fathers compared to single mothers (obviously), but they turned out ok too, generally a bit better than the whole families again. 

So this begs the question: have we become so toxic as human beings that our unions generally do more harm than good? Do we paint such a grim picture of living with our spouses that our offspring turn out forever flawed? 

May be arranged marriages of the past (and currently still in some setups) were the way to go, or maybe human beings are just not meant to be together and cohabit with the same individual for long periods of time. Besides, look at families where one or both spouses are away at work a lot, besides the cheating here and there by some rotten elements, their unions generally seem to last longer than those who, say, work together or close by. Strange argument, but hey, it's my observation and  an opinion, which I believe I'm free to express.
Another observation I've come up with over time is that men really love dumb, pushover women, especially those that claim they don't, possibly because when growing up, their fathers were away on some manly duty or other and neglected to teach them to man up, leaving them with their mothers and showing up every so often to discredit everything she did or even rough her up a bit right in front of them. 
They therefore grew up with a false sense of security and delusions in plenty of the way things 'need' to be, and when they went out into the world as half-baked adults with seriously underdeveloped emotional control and sense of responsibility, they had to look for women to fill in the gaps their mothers left so she would do all those things they grew up believing were taboo for a man to do. Instead of understanding that the job description they need to fill is for a house help (or nanny in some cases) they believe they should marry a woman and make her into their mother, hence the development of the bizarre trend of men cheating and having affairs all around. 
Because obviously you don't marry the woman of your dreams-I mean, who does that? You marry a woman you detest, so you can eventually weasel your way out of your home and into some other woman's arms in the name of 'pressure at home' and 'going through a tough phase' in which 'you don't understand each other' because 'things aren't the way they were in the beginning, when you married'. 
Lmao.
I have sadly also come across more than a reasonable number of men who live in absolute total physical filth and are so disorganized they might lose their brains in the mess, and when asked about it, they'll say things like 'I'm still looking for a wife' or 'the wife has not been here for a while'. Note that the 'wife' being talked about here is just a girlfriend working her ass off in the hopes that her contract will be renewed with permanent status, probably not knowing that when this finally happens, all outings, dates, and nights out will stop immediately because, well, who wants to be seen tagging around an actual 'wife'? 


And yet men wonder why so many women are resisting that term and position nowadays lol. It's the new village idiot position, and to tell the truth, who willingly nominates themselves as such?

So what's the point, and what's the solution? I would love to know because it's making life rather unpleasant to be honest. 
While sometimes I feel sorry for these babies in adult skin walking around scared shitless of practically everything but putting on a brave face and talking big, sometimes it just makes me sick to think that they cannot see what's wrong with them, and will continue on (Heaven forbid) to raise sons that are as screwed up as them. 
And no, I'm not even going to talk about that 'equality' stuff because that's the pet peeve that will be in contention until Christ returns to save us all from stupidity or something. Besides, solving that will be for most men like solving world peace for politicians; what else will they do with their time when they can't create propaganda and push agendas with religion and the likes?

May heaven have mercy on us all. 

Until next time, keep it Foxxy, and all the best in your current, or aspiring situation! 😉
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