FEMINISM POINT 1 - 0; MODERN WOMEN VS TRADITIONAL RELATIONSHIPS

Why is it that some men are scared and/or extremely uncomfortable to listen to women talking about their struggles? 
I can't be the only one that's noticed this for real, and I think the main reason is that our mothers, the gentle, docile angels, they are, taught their sons that they are better than their daughters. 
This gave rise to a generation of men who feel the entitlement like heat on a sunny afternoon. They believe that women are fine with their position and those that aren't are just idle troublemakers, and their situation is ideal-although they would not like it one bit if they had to trade places. 
They think they can just ignore it until the issue goes away by itself, and that those who are dogs will keep being dogs while their females endure it silently with prayers and discreet family interventions, just like their mothers did.
Some of the mothers actually have a self-loathing that translates into hating all fellow women, and viewing themselves as irrational, evil, parasitic, and generally useless (only useful for bearing sons I guess, so they can be taught to hate women by the very ones that give them life and so on and so forth).

Maybe this explains why men raised by single mothers tend to be so much better balanced and respectful while those from whole families are mostly spoilt pieces of dung, quite ironically... 
I can't really say about single fathers, as I personally know very few single fathers compared to single mothers (obviously), but they turned out ok too, generally a bit better than the whole families again. 

So this begs the question: have we become so toxic as human beings that our unions generally do more harm than good? Do we paint such a grim picture of living with our spouses that our offspring turn out forever flawed? 

May be arranged marriages of the past (and currently still in some setups) were the way to go, or maybe human beings are just not meant to be together and cohabit with the same individual for long periods of time. Besides, look at families where one or both spouses are away at work a lot, besides the cheating here and there by some rotten elements, their unions generally seem to last longer than those who, say, work together or close by. Strange argument, but hey, it's my observation and  an opinion, which I believe I'm free to express.
Another observation I've come up with over time is that men really love dumb, pushover women, especially those that claim they don't, possibly because when growing up, their fathers were away on some manly duty or other and neglected to teach them to man up, leaving them with their mothers and showing up every so often to discredit everything she did or even rough her up a bit right in front of them. 
They therefore grew up with a false sense of security and delusions in plenty of the way things 'need' to be, and when they went out into the world as half-baked adults with seriously underdeveloped emotional control and sense of responsibility, they had to look for women to fill in the gaps their mothers left so she would do all those things they grew up believing were taboo for a man to do. Instead of understanding that the job description they need to fill is for a house help (or nanny in some cases) they believe they should marry a woman and make her into their mother, hence the development of the bizarre trend of men cheating and having affairs all around. 
Because obviously you don't marry the woman of your dreams-I mean, who does that? You marry a woman you detest, so you can eventually weasel your way out of your home and into some other woman's arms in the name of 'pressure at home' and 'going through a tough phase' in which 'you don't understand each other' because 'things aren't the way they were in the beginning, when you married'. 
Lmao.
I have sadly also come across more than a reasonable number of men who live in absolute total physical filth and are so disorganized they might lose their brains in the mess, and when asked about it, they'll say things like 'I'm still looking for a wife' or 'the wife has not been here for a while'. Note that the 'wife' being talked about here is just a girlfriend working her ass off in the hopes that her contract will be renewed with permanent status, probably not knowing that when this finally happens, all outings, dates, and nights out will stop immediately because, well, who wants to be seen tagging around an actual 'wife'? 


And yet men wonder why so many women are resisting that term and position nowadays lol. It's the new village idiot position, and to tell the truth, who willingly nominates themselves as such?

So what's the point, and what's the solution? I would love to know because it's making life rather unpleasant to be honest. 
While sometimes I feel sorry for these babies in adult skin walking around scared shitless of practically everything but putting on a brave face and talking big, sometimes it just makes me sick to think that they cannot see what's wrong with them, and will continue on (Heaven forbid) to raise sons that are as screwed up as them. 
And no, I'm not even going to talk about that 'equality' stuff because that's the pet peeve that will be in contention until Christ returns to save us all from stupidity or something. Besides, solving that will be for most men like solving world peace for politicians; what else will they do with their time when they can't create propaganda and push agendas with religion and the likes?

May heaven have mercy on us all. 

Until next time, keep it Foxxy, and all the best in your current, or aspiring situation! 😉
Also read it here!                                                                XOXO   

WHAT GETTING CHEATED ON DOES TO YOU

It's not rocket science that getting cheated on sucks big time. Worse if your shit of a cheat is also gas-lighting you and is a narcissist.
There should be a unit in hospitals for people who get cheated on, and those who get all I've mentioned above done to them, not leaving behind victims of both physical and verbal abuse.
Damn, where did we go so wrong as a species?
Without further ado, here's my analysis of what happens to you when you get cheated on several times; a breakdown of a suffering which I call 'SCD' i.e. Severe Cheat Disorder.

Mentally
I would be lying if I said that I have always been a sunny ray of a girl, but I was not this dark. After the first occurrence of cheating I got in a bad way, and it did not help that I had just had a baby so post natal depression came big time, or just plain depression. I would forget simple things and had a hell of a time performing the simplest of tasks.
To say I was preoccupied is a gross understatement, and it is by the grace of our Creator that I did a halfway decent job of raising that child. I was in a constant state of panic, anxiety, and paranoia; where is he? What is he doing? Did he go back to meet her? Is he thinking of me? Did he ever love me? What could I have done differently to prevent this? Was it my fault? etc etc and it never stopped, not even when he was right there next to me.
My mind was so crowded with these and more nonsense thoughts that I had no more room for creativity; songs I composed effortlessly were now a heavy chore; words I wrote into poems were jumbled and it was a pain to bring them to rhyme and the fabric I had bought by the yard now lay mildewing in my wardrobe.
I lost track of humor and sarcasm and pretty much everything said to me was an attack which brought out the combatant in me. I alternated between confusion and bitterness, assurance of doom and hopelessness all day, every day.
What did she have that I did not? Was he thinking of me-a few days from my due date-while he was with her? Could I ever forgive him? Did I even want to? Did she know about me and how did she see me, as broken as I saw myself, or stupid, or both? It was a full-time job with no pay, and it started to show.

Physically
I started to have messy eating-habits, sometimes eating too much in an absent-minded state, or not eating at all. There was no order or organization to my diet plans, just anything edible would find its way into my mouth. Coupled with the lack of support from him as when I baked it was a bit soggy and when I fried it was too salty and nothing was ever done right by him, I lost interest in cooking, just put things together and put them on the cooker to get it over with.
Fine little wrinkles appeared on my face from dehydration and I wondered if I had always had dark circles under my eyes.
It was hell.
My skin got dry and flaky; lost its natural glow and felt itchy too, with proper moisturization just out of reach for me because I couldn't or wouldn't do anything to fix it. I was so damn tired all the time and my body hurt, kinda like it does when you have malaria, or maybe I did honestly I don't know. I just wished for strength to carry on, thank goodness my baby kept my hands full, and I never once dropped him (thank goodness for real).
I needed serious strength to smile and laugh and generally be around people without letting the vortex inside me suck all the light and love from their midst and I could rarely summon it so I chose to keep to myself as it was easier that way.

Spiritually
Was there really a God out there and if so why did he let things like these happen? But that was unfair, no third party should be blamed for the wrongdoings of any one individual, no matter how closely aligned they are to each other. I did not see the point of giving thanks or being grateful-for what?
It would have been a gift to sleep and not wake up, and I am sad to admit that I thought of suicide for a while. I felt that I owed it to my son to hang in there for another day, if  only to tickle him and see his toothless grin and hear his hearty laugh; it almost made me forget the emptiness in me.
It felt like an insurmountable task to feed my soul with healthy habits like meditation, reading, and exercise. Reminded me of that old blue song whose lyrics went something like 'why does the sun go on shining, why does the sea rush to shore, don't they know it's the end of the world, for you don't love me anymore......' and I felt it on a spiritual level.

Psychologically
I was stressed and my trust levels in him plummeted. I could hardly trust him after the first time, but after the second one I had negative trust left in him if that was possible. He was a literal green snake in the grass and I wondered why it took so long for me to see his true from.
I felt bitter towards him, and started to see him and his friends as one large cartel of shitheads (which they are anyway haha).
The loathing spread to his family and I would draw connections between all their bad habits then damn them collectively because well the same dirty, cheating blood flowed through all of their veins.
It did not matter that I wanted to forgive and make things work for the sake of our young family; I was just on a level of irrevocable anger, even when I had no reason to be.
The plus side is that I developed an a-hole radar, and can now tell from a guy's words and actions whether he was any good or just along for the ride, and I hope this saves me the heartache next time.

It was a tough trip for me because even after I caught him the second time and he confessed and swore that he had called it off, the affair still went on for close to nine months, with me all the while being silly thinking it was over for real and going through life as normal; going home to visit my mum and stay for a few days etc, to which he had no objection whatsoever. It would seem that the good old proverb against confidence tricks works for relationships as well; "when the deal is too good think twice", because love is after all the ripest field for cons of all natures.
No matter how strong, independent, good-looking, wealthy, healthy, intelligent, or anything else you are, getting cheated on is something no one should have to go through because the implications of it can easily last for a lifetime.
For most people, the details are hazy and cloudy at best for memories of their first kiss, their proposal, or even their first born's births, but ask them about a time they got cheated on and you will be equal parts shocked and dismayed at how much detail they can remember surrounding their discovery of the affair. The human brain is simply that; human, and it will emboss on your brain the things that hurt you the most while it blurs the best as if to protect them from being over-scrutinized and consequently ruined.
The moral is simple. Do Not Cheat, no matter the reason or the occasion, just don't do it, because you will succeed in one thing and that is to tie yourself to the worst part of the worst memory of the person you cheat on. If you have desires they cannot satisfy or you just don't love them anymore, do the sensible and grown-up thing and leave.
Also read it here!
                                                             
                 XO