INTUITION IN RELATIONSHIPS

 Hello mis amigos! I hope you've all been well. The rains are finally here with us and it's so great; the nostalgia that great skies bring to me is just something else....
Anyway, today I'm going to write about the rarely-discussed super power that is intuition. I have actually been asked if I practice some form of witchcraft by some guy because the second he started to dog around I always knew, regardless of how much he changed his tactics and all. I was flattered by that for some strange reason, unfortunately not enough to forgive the scoundrel though so that was that.
So is there anything to the famous 'gut-feeling'? In my experience, there is, so we should learn to tune in to ourselves and make sure we keep it and nurture it, because it can be lost if abused, or used for evil haha....
Needless to say, there are so many advantages to being intuitive in your relationship- you know the couple who's always completing each other's sentences and getting the other what they want/need without them having said it out loud?
That's healthy intuition.
To say the truth, though, there's no unhealthy intuition, but rather toxic unions where one partner feeds the other so much dirt and ill health that the intuitive partner ends up spiritually sick, and this sickness consumes them from within working its way out and eventually poisoning the entire relationship.are untested theories that have up until now not been tested enough or have not yielded worthwhile results.
Unfortunately, I only know how to get into this situation but not really how to get out because so far all that I have
So how do you get here? If you are the intuitive, then you lose touch with your partner when they hurt you so often or so bad that you essentially expel them from your psyche and lock them out, more as a defense mechanism than anything else. Whatever it is that they have done to get you there; be it cheating, gas-lighting, or constantly lying and being undependable, just know that you will get no closure by doing it back to them so that they 'know how you felt'. This will only end up hurting you more, so in the event that you feel you are beyond repair, the greatest favor you can do for yourself is to leave the relationship which may hurt initially, but over time you will heal and things will be sunny again.

If however you are, say, married, and maybe even have kids, the verdict is still out on that one, but one thing that has been great for me is to keep busy with anything and everything- cook, sew, write, make crafts, work out, go back to school etc just do anything that keeps your mind occupied. Of course you have to go back in the evening to the root cause of your problem in which case the anger rises up again like an old injury aches on a cold day but hard as it may be, just avoid any aggression though you may be craving for it. Walk away from any looming confrontation because even if you physically fight to the death, the pain will still be there, and you will have a body to bury on top of all that (bad joke I guess but honestly just get it and laugh or fume and move on, your call).
I realize this post started out about intuition but has spiraled into healing after being cheated on and I'm trying to turn it back around so hear me out, like I said the cold season is here and with it are memories I wish I could bury before they bury me.
When you are not the intuitive one, you can try and be attentive, and I believe you can grow something like 'acquired intuition', if you will, from this. Listen to your partners' words as well as their actions. Do not ever use their feelings against them and of course never ever use something they told you about themselves in confidence in a fight. You may win but you will have become a monster

in their eyes, and honestly it's always so much easier to cause harm than it is to undo it. Also never take the liberty to 'know what they mean' or 'care for their best intentions' when you know you are just soothing your aching ego and salving your sick conscience; for example flirting with someone else in their presence then sheepishly saying when confronted 'I know that turns you on a bit' or 'I like it when you're jealous, it's cute' or 'you know that you're the one I really love'.

Which brings me to something else; show your love; it's never enough to just say it a million times because it loses taste and meaning even on the occasions when it may be true. Don't say you love your partner then cheat on them with their friend or some random office worker you came across just because they are at home and won't know; or even if they know, you're sure that they love you and/or have kids with you so they won't leave anyway. Honestly what the effing eff even.
Don't say you love them if you cannot put their interests before your own, time and again, no matter how trivial they may seem to you.
Don't say you love them then manipulate and gas-light the ever-living hell out of them.
Don't say you love them if you just can't take their feelings and sentiments seriously and you feel as if they are doing and saying things to trap or manipulate you because either way; if they are, you ought to leave them but if they aren't then you're just reflecting your behavior on them and imagine they are acting as you would if in that situation so,uummm, leave yourself.....?
Or love yourself and grow the hell up.

Hear them when they tell you that they don't like it when you take pictures of attractive members of the opposite sex while you're at some social gathering TOGETHER, or when you respond in a 'neutral' way to texts from your  exes or love interests. Just stop it if you love them, and don't try to claim that you would not drive a dagger through their hearts (or hack them to death with an ax in public) because there is really no difference - both ways you kill them.
It's not even a hormonal thing because betrayal hurts all genders, ages, tribes, and religions so if it would hurt if done to you then why do it to the person you're with? Are you the Devil from Eden testing how strong their loyalty is? Because if you are then you should know it will hurt them whatever your justification for it is; just slither back down to hell.
Because it hurts that much more when you claim that you love them.
And then some more when they just happen to believe you and love you back.

What now if you didn't have the common sense to know the above and are now with Bruno Mars; locked out of heaven? I honestly don't know. Pray, maybe. Keep the lines of communication open when they want to talk -while they want to talk, because a time will come when they won't and honestly then that's done.
If you are already at this point when they are not bugging you with 'we need to discuss this and find a way forward', or 'I miss us, and wish we were the way we were before', or even 'do you think we will get through this?', then I guess just leave them; you've already lost them and their physical presence means absolutely nothing.

I hope there was some help here; don't dig yourself a hole you won't be able to climb out of, and conversely if you have been pushed into a shallow grave by your significant other, don't grow cold, ugly, and bitter, there may be someone down the road who will turn all this around, but again don't count on it, just focus on being happy and nice for your own peace of mind and personal satisfaction, no one's worth it in the end....
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PLEASE DON'T TRAP THAT MAN

Hello there dears! I hope you're doing great over there, and I'm here to offer some advice today, which you've probably heard before, but it bears repeating; do not trap that man. It doesn't matter if he's your soul mate, your perfect and better half, the father of your hypothetical kids, etc. Whatever; if he doesn't want to stay with you just let him go, please! You will work so hard at getting him nailed down in place, and then you will have to work at keeping him interested and working for his true love for the rest of your life, which is bound to be hard work....

Think of him like a cat that you want to put inside a box. If the cat does not want to get in the box and you force him, you will be scratched, and if you manage to put him in the box you'll have to work hard to keep him in there. Whenever you want to feed him you will have to open the box to quickly throw in the snack and close it as fast as possible, failure to which you may lose your cat, or your eye, or both because in the process you will receive plenty of scratches. Remember, once that pussy cat escapes the box prison, you will never see him again.
Forever ever.
Grim imagery, no?
Let's get more literal, then.
Imagine going to bed each night, and when he's not next to you, you know he's probably out with someone he feels something for, because once you manage to trap him all he will be thinking of is escaping; which is only human. Just ask the women out there who used pregnancy or some kind of manipulation to trap a guy how it's working out for them and they'll probably tell you it's not so great, that is if they are not still so deep in denial that they will lie through their teeth.

I personally know one who did so; trying to force his arm by getting him to sign on some 'agreement' that he would never want to have anything to do with the kid and when this did not yield the desired results she carried her pregnant self to his parents. She used all her armor, leaving nothing at all to chance - even using her family's background and her situation to evoke sympathy and it worked like a charm.
Or so it seemed.

The guy's mom took pity on her and implored her son to do the same and take her in; she was carrying her future grandchild after all. So she worked her way in, visiting almost every weekend and every time she could spare a moment, telling her new friend and soon to be mom-in-law every dirty little secret she could find of her son, and even a few of the other family members that she could find because, well, who doesn't like a little spy giving them outside perspective of their family?
Soon enough, she had the child and moved in with the guy and they became the perfect family, she had envisioned, but only for a while because soon enough he was out drinking most nights and hanging out with other girls. She would then report all the goings on to her 'mum-in-law' with the hopes that she would reign her son in and get him to act right, but honestly; what mother is going to turn against her son in favor of a woman who she just met? She is also a woman after all, and so she knows all these dirty little tricks that women use where men are concerned.
Eventually the cookie crumbled because she didn't really like the family and pretense can only last for so long, and she started to resent the regular family visits because she realized that she was on her own and the support she had hoped to get from the guy's mum had been a thin veil that wore out. It has gotten so bad that you can literally tell from the guy's expression when he sees the phone ringing that it's his 'wife' because he just gets so damn tired.
She's also not the best human being to be around to say the least- though she seems to be a good mom, to give credit where it's due. She's combative, argumentative, and always has to be the center of attention at all times, and the worst part of her character is that she tries to look like the better person by making other people around her look bad, and getting them in trouble randomly.
So right now watching their lives is kind of like watching some drama movie, and a bit depressing because they lady's angry, the guy is miserable, and the innocent kids (you read that right; more than one) are caught in the cross-hairs of a fight that they should never have been a part of, and they might grow up scarred when they start to see what's going on as they cannot escape it.

Moral of the story? You can take a goat/donkey/hyena/ whatever animal it is down to the river by force, but you cannot make it drink the water if it does not want to so save yourself the eternal headache and leave him the hell alone.
They do say to let them go even if you love them, and if they love you too, they will eventually find their way back to you.

The worst part is when you get a kid/kids in the mix like in the story above because then they become just a passport to your destination; and honestly what do you think will happen when you have the kid, then the guy does not want to even look at the poor bastard, who may resemble him beyond denial?
Will you be able to love him/her despite seeing the face of rejection of your love staring back at you, covered in mucus and dirt, asking you endless questions when all you want is some peace to get something done? Will you really be the mother to him/her that every child deserves because they never asked to be brought here after all; they're just the consequences of your sin? Will you hug them tight and tell them you love them every single day, and that they are the best thing to ever happen to you? Because every child needs that, and you can easily tell the adults that missed it growing up- they are grade A assholes.
Also, child rearing is EXPENSIVE, when you factor in milk, cooking daily for them, milk, a nanny if you are lucky enough to get a job, formula if you can't/won't breastfeed, and diapers (or nappies, nappy liners, pins, nylon underwear, mackintosh, and soap to clean them all up if you go the 'natural' way), so seriously think about it.
Final thought, life is too short to be spending your love where you won't get it back, and there's no point at all to be tapped in a loveless marriage just so you can be called Mrs so-and-so (it's overrated btw). So stay loving my friends, and do not fall into temptation to do the unthinkably unnecessary;chao!
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FEMINISM POINT 1 - 0; MODERN WOMEN VS TRADITIONAL RELATIONSHIPS

Why is it that some men are scared and/or extremely uncomfortable to listen to women talking about their struggles? 
I can't be the only one that's noticed this for real, and I think the main reason is that our mothers, the gentle, docile angels, they are, taught their sons that they are better than their daughters. 
This gave rise to a generation of men who feel the entitlement like heat on a sunny afternoon. They believe that women are fine with their position and those that aren't are just idle troublemakers, and their situation is ideal-although they would not like it one bit if they had to trade places. 
They think they can just ignore it until the issue goes away by itself, and that those who are dogs will keep being dogs while their females endure it silently with prayers and discreet family interventions, just like their mothers did.
Some of the mothers actually have a self-loathing that translates into hating all fellow women, and viewing themselves as irrational, evil, parasitic, and generally useless (only useful for bearing sons I guess, so they can be taught to hate women by the very ones that give them life and so on and so forth).

Maybe this explains why men raised by single mothers tend to be so much better balanced and respectful while those from whole families are mostly spoilt pieces of dung, quite ironically... 
I can't really say about single fathers, as I personally know very few single fathers compared to single mothers (obviously), but they turned out ok too, generally a bit better than the whole families again. 

So this begs the question: have we become so toxic as human beings that our unions generally do more harm than good? Do we paint such a grim picture of living with our spouses that our offspring turn out forever flawed? 

May be arranged marriages of the past (and currently still in some setups) were the way to go, or maybe human beings are just not meant to be together and cohabit with the same individual for long periods of time. Besides, look at families where one or both spouses are away at work a lot, besides the cheating here and there by some rotten elements, their unions generally seem to last longer than those who, say, work together or close by. Strange argument, but hey, it's my observation and  an opinion, which I believe I'm free to express.
Another observation I've come up with over time is that men really love dumb, pushover women, especially those that claim they don't, possibly because when growing up, their fathers were away on some manly duty or other and neglected to teach them to man up, leaving them with their mothers and showing up every so often to discredit everything she did or even rough her up a bit right in front of them. 
They therefore grew up with a false sense of security and delusions in plenty of the way things 'need' to be, and when they went out into the world as half-baked adults with seriously underdeveloped emotional control and sense of responsibility, they had to look for women to fill in the gaps their mothers left so she would do all those things they grew up believing were taboo for a man to do. Instead of understanding that the job description they need to fill is for a house help (or nanny in some cases) they believe they should marry a woman and make her into their mother, hence the development of the bizarre trend of men cheating and having affairs all around. 
Because obviously you don't marry the woman of your dreams-I mean, who does that? You marry a woman you detest, so you can eventually weasel your way out of your home and into some other woman's arms in the name of 'pressure at home' and 'going through a tough phase' in which 'you don't understand each other' because 'things aren't the way they were in the beginning, when you married'. 
Lmao.
I have sadly also come across more than a reasonable number of men who live in absolute total physical filth and are so disorganized they might lose their brains in the mess, and when asked about it, they'll say things like 'I'm still looking for a wife' or 'the wife has not been here for a while'. Note that the 'wife' being talked about here is just a girlfriend working her ass off in the hopes that her contract will be renewed with permanent status, probably not knowing that when this finally happens, all outings, dates, and nights out will stop immediately because, well, who wants to be seen tagging around an actual 'wife'? 


And yet men wonder why so many women are resisting that term and position nowadays lol. It's the new village idiot position, and to tell the truth, who willingly nominates themselves as such?

So what's the point, and what's the solution? I would love to know because it's making life rather unpleasant to be honest. 
While sometimes I feel sorry for these babies in adult skin walking around scared shitless of practically everything but putting on a brave face and talking big, sometimes it just makes me sick to think that they cannot see what's wrong with them, and will continue on (Heaven forbid) to raise sons that are as screwed up as them. 
And no, I'm not even going to talk about that 'equality' stuff because that's the pet peeve that will be in contention until Christ returns to save us all from stupidity or something. Besides, solving that will be for most men like solving world peace for politicians; what else will they do with their time when they can't create propaganda and push agendas with religion and the likes?

May heaven have mercy on us all. 

Until next time, keep it Foxxy, and all the best in your current, or aspiring situation! 😉
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DEATHLY HALLOWS; OF RELATIONSHIPS THAT END IN DISEASE, ASSAULT, OR DEATH

Hello mamis!! I hope you're all doing well, I missed you (from the bottom of my heart I promise) so welcome back, and pick your assigned seats......
Last week was wild; from the story of the gospel artists who had some convoluted threesome and infected the lady with herpes (the Greek God of STD's as somebody I know calls it lol), and the tale of the randy pastor who tried to get some former students into bed, to the sad event of the woman who got murdered by her husband and his lover (they say it's a bit complicated so I will leave it at that).
I honestly don't even know where to start, or how much to give to each individual unit, so here goes the mixture of all the mentioned and probably some more, in as good an order as my kinda tipsy mind will allow (do not judge me, I wrote this on a Friday)...

So, PART 1: THE GOSPEL ARTISTS
This one is headed in red with good reason: church people, preacher's kids, and generally gospel
personalities in the limelight have for the longest time been prone to drama, and very unlikely scandals, from theft and abuse, to promiscuity and even murder, they have it all. makes you wonder about those hidden from public view......
So anyway a lady sent a series of messages to a famous blogger in the 254, telling him she had some juice on gospel artists who are not at all what they claim to be. By the time I got to the end of her story though, I had already taken plenty pinches of salt because in summary it went something like this: Guy X calls lady, who featured in some video or other, and tells her he wants to meet up, and she agrees. This is after they have chatted for a while and have become familiar with each other, in the millenial way at least, so they are flirty and have actually agreed to meet up to sample the forbidden fruit. On arrival at the meeting point, X is with friend Y and after lady boards the car it is decided to  go to Y's house instead of paying for a lodging as earlier agreed. Lady agrees, and they go to the house, then start to make out after some drinkd consumption (I'm not sure whether it was alcohol or soft drinks). As the momentum builds up, lady says she is uncomfortable of doing the deed in front of Y, as at this point they are all in the living room, and X graciously agrees, so they move to the bedroom. Once there, and smack in the middle of things, the door opens and Y walks in, naked and ready for action, and he wastes no time starting to fondle lady and etc haha.... Lady objects to this, as it was not part of the arrangement, so it ends at this point, she dresses up, and leaves.
On a future date, Y sends a text message to lady, asking her to kindly forgive him for his misdeeds, and she (kinda) agrees, so from this they begin to talk. One thing leads to another and soon enough they meet up and do the deed, this time X is not in the equation and as it goes, they raw dog it because, well, natural selection and all....
Some time passes after this encounter, and trouble begins, when lady develops some painful boils and sores around her treasure trove, and one hospital visit leads to another, and soon enough the expenses are too much to keep up with even with her sister and mother helping her out. By the time she's diagnosed with herpes, it is situation critical and so she texts Y and lets him know of her mishaps. He delivers true to forms, and ignores her, refusing to send any money and telling her to go right ahead when she threatens to go public with their rendezvous, which she does, even getting an interview on TV to tell of her woes.

Here are some questions for that section:
1) She was at least 19 years old by that time, legally an adult, and she knew full well what they were going to do (hell they did it severally), so why is fida claiming they need to assist, and throwing around rape allegations, yet lady never said they forced her at any point? The only criminal thing in this case would be if Y knew that he was infected, and went on to infect her intentionally refusing to use any protection.
2) What end result did she expect exactly, jumping from one guy to another, neither of which she knew, and even being bold enough to not used protection? I honestly want to know what her endgame was.
3) On going public with this story, what has she done to her dating prospects for the future? She is after all carrying a disease, after sleeping with two guys she was not in a relationship with and whose circumstances are generally suspect.... I am not being a judge here, but honestly if you have at least three brain cells co-operating you know that safe sex is the best sex.
I write all these at risk of being labelled a woman-hater and such, because there are always such individuals out there, but I would appreciate it if I got responses to my three questions above, as I am indeed very curious.

PART 2: PASTOR TESTOSTERONE 

Three ladies told of the story of a pastor who used to go to their school to minister with them, before they cleared school last year, and whom they randomly met at some mall in the city. They were naturally happy to see him, so they talked and hang out a bit then went home, only to get a call at around midnight from the guy. He told them something about needing a place for the night so they directed him to their place (shared I presume), where they somehow civilly passed the night. The next morning, he came up with a grand idea to go on a road trip out of they city and they all agreed, not telling their parents since they were to get back that same day after all.
Needless to say, this did not happen, and at some point they went to a club and the pastor did not drink, but he offered to buy them alcohol which they refused (thankfully). All this time they were with a friend of the pastor who took alcohol, and by the time they were done, it was night, and they had no fare, and could not call their parents to ask because this would land them in trouble, and since the pastor offered to pay for a shared room with two beds, they agreed to stay, only to be told once they got there that "two circumcised men cannot share a bed". Two in the pastors bed and one with the other guy, it was a long night, during which the pastor kept trying to grope them, so the ride back home the following day was extremely uncomfortable needless to say.
When they got back in home territory, trouble was not over yet because he invited the two remaining girls to a fellowship at the church, as one of them left the second she could, wise if you ask me... Soon after their arrival at the bustling meeting, everybody left and it was once again just the pastor and his two scared victims, whom he tried in vain to convince to go back with him for one last night but they refused.
Here, I will not ask questions but rather just state a fact: Gospel music and Christianity as a whole is a sham in Kenya, where the scoundrels all go to hide, so that they can escape judgement from their fellow man but seem to not give a hoot about the one they claim to serve.

PART 3: WIFE, MISTRESS, NEW LOVER, POSSIBLE OTHER LOVER ETC 
This is the saddest part, because it left one woman dead, and a few children in broken families missing one, or in one case both parents...
The body of a woman was retrieved from a dam last week, leading almost immediately to the discovery of her car which was also missing for a day. Her husband had reported her missing the previous day, an due tho fast development of the case was arrested when he went to the dam where the body was found, claiming he had seen a post online saying a woman's body had been found, and he was looking as he was still trying to find his wife. His lover was arrested soon after to aid in investigations and the next day, the story thickened when his very first wife came forward to tell her story, of how he left her and their daughter after some years together, to go and be with the lady who had been murdered. It was a sad case of karma, and it was even stranger still when yet another lady emerged, or rather was dug up from social sites, having taken various pictures together with the guy.
Four women in total, and three children whose lives will be changed forever. We always hear of red flags and all that and sometimes it ends in this worst case scenario of murder, because the guy most likely wanted to leave this second woman, for either the third one or the fourth one, and carry on like that until the end of time. So why do some men feel the need to jump continuously from one woman to another for the rest of time, and actually lead each woman to believe that she is the only one and the final one, makes me wonder is it lust or deceit that makes these relationships fun for the guy?

All in all, it was a hectic week all around and I am glad it's over, on to new challenges and all that, think of ways to further my life and whatnot. Stay safe my friends, and stay disease-free as well but above all, stay smart and until next time, keep it foxxy!!
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YOLO

A Happy New year to all of you my foxy mamis!! And I do hope that a wonderful and successful season awaits you ahead.
A million apologies for my very long absence, but I was chasing paper on trade fairs and only now settled down a bit. I absolutely had to get something written as the pressure was building to dangerous levels.....

So I have to warn you in advance that today's piece is a bit different in taste from what I normally write, though this is in no way to say I have run out of drama - quite the contrary actually haha....

We started the year on a sad note though, with the attack in Westlands Riverside area, in which 14 unfortunate souls lost their lives. It was a senseless war waged by confused people against innocent civilians and it served to sober us to the reality of how fickle life is for each one of us. 

Maybe this inspired the feelings I'm having, or maybe it's the general flow of events in the past few months, or even just hours, but whatever the case, here's the note on which I ended my day...

I remembered my mom last year telling me of a friend of hers who had lost her husband of a long time, and who she used to argue with every minute. My mum said the two were always at each other's throats so when the husband passed on, it came as a kind of strange occurrence to find the widow devastated (she helped out with finances around the house so she was financially kinda OK, if this is important, this is to say she wasn't totally dependent on him).

My mum gave her condolences and offered a listening ear to which the lady poured out her woes, lamenting how she missed her bastard of a husband (in her own words btw). She said she would give anything to hear him yell at her just one more time, and she missed him terribly and did not know what to do because she realized now in his absence she rather loved him.

Back to today, when some images of the grisly attack were shared onlines some kinda hazy and out of focus but most clear and discernible. It made my head spin to think that the unfortunate people caught out who didn't make it out had family, friends, enemies, nemesis, maybe kids, siblings, and parents who loved them and such.

I realized that most of the things we fight over are inconsequential in the grand scheme, and just a waste of time that we already are very short on. In the end what matters the most is what we felt, and it is only logical that we feel more when we have people around us to feel it with us.
We tend to focus on the negatives because the human brain is a scumbag of an organ that loves to torture its bearers for no reason other than that it can, and by so doing we spend so little time on the positives which is sad.

I remember seeing in a book I read a long time ago that the bitter heart eats its owner, and for the longest time I did not understand what this meant, but hind vision is 20/20 and it could not be clearer now. Letting go of hurt takes supernatural strength, I know because I have been on the receiving end of the deceit of being cheated on, but we are born of stars so I believe we can achieve whatever we set our minds on.
I am not saying I will forget everything that was done to me, although it would be so much better if I could, but I will stop scratching at those scars and just let them heal as they best can. I will not go down that road of angry loathing and tired disrespect because I do not know what tomorrow holds and I do not want to live to a ripe old age alone, biter, and full of regret.

I will seize the damn day, and smile when I can, because days are coming when I won't be able to. I will work on forgiving the past not only because I love him (or loved him, depends on when you ask haha), but because I love me and I'm tired of carrying around luggage in my life which I won't even leave this world with.

So I hope you can do the same my foxxy loves, not for anyone else but for yourself because no one else will do it for you. You do also have to be the change you wish to see in the world, according to Ghandi, so stay foxxy ladies, and until next time, let loose the self love!!

                                          XOXO