PICTURE-PERFECT RELATIONSHIPS, AKA 'COUPLE GOALS'

Hello darlings! I trust you have all kept well, loving even if treated unkind, and  healthy even if broke lol....
So early this week, thanks to the internet and a bunch of sleepless neighbors, we were served some drama when a prominent vlogging couple had a nasty breakup, or extension of a breakup, and got some text and even video evidence of the goings-on.
This made me want to write about those picture-perfect couples we all have seen at some point of our lives (especially on social media), or even have the pleasure of knowing personally. Although there is no such thing as a perfect union of any kind, we are all really easy to deceive and find ourselves typing fast 'couple goals' on pictures of people whom we have never ever met just based on what they share online.
As either a victim or ambassador (depending on where you stand) of being idolized as a perfect couple member myself, I'm here to tell you that the fights are bitter, and the compromise needed is out of this world.
Contrary to popular belief, we do not always split the tab and the house chores, neither do we find ourselves completing each other's sentences and being synchronous in everything we do.

Sometimes he wants left while I want right, and others he won't eat dagaa yet it may be all I'm craving for.
Other times he will refuse to help out with some duty when I'm feeling too unwell to do it, or even act up a storm if I ask him to help, and I in turn will archive this to torment him with days, weeks, or even months after the event, at my own pleasure.
Outside, people see us stepping aside for the other to pass, or calmly arguing about some issue or other with healthy attitudes and hearty smiles, and for some reason they think that we carry this to our home and stay like that from sun up to sun down.
This is honestly not even possible to say the truth, because we are two different people with different backgrounds and upbringing, different opinions and even different hormones flowing through us, of variable concentrations and combinations, so stress will affect us differently, for instance.
I cannot even start to say how difficult it is when I'm pregnant or we are going through some financial issue or just generally under pressure from life;we borderline turn into animals and the house becomes a multi-room fight club.
When the kids are around and/or awake though, we try very hard to disagree amicably; so hard, in fact, that it is becoming a kind of second nature to us to have a diplomatic fight without raising our voices or lifting our fists against each other. Personally I grew up

in a home where my parents fought plenty, openly, and no holds barred, though never physically but verbally and up to this day, I can't stand being yelled at and being in an environment where people are yelling at each other stresses me tf out.
I do not want to put my kids through this, and fortunately, neither does he, so for this I am lucky-we all are, because we have relative peace of mind while at home, and even if the two of us are fighting, it becomes very exhausting to keep switching from angry to happy, back to fight mode then again play mode. Over time, I hope we will be able to stop altogether, but I am not disillusioned enough to imagine that our seas will be permanently calm.
Still, I keep praying for the best.
I believe that it is this kind of irrational thinking that has pushed the divorce rates through the roof, the thinking that one can find a spouse that will never be angry, will always be supportive, and will never be broke (lol for that one especially). It is not even that they grew up in perfect households, and they are not perfect themselves, but they seem to think that they can have a tv-kind of person, and it saddens me to say that girls and ladies are the worst afflicted.
It is so bad that I had a friend who used to tell me that she's 'talking to' about four guys at any given point, and when I asked her how she would feel if the guys were also 'talking to' other ladies, she hesitated before saying that she would not really mind. So then I asked her what her endgame was, and she told me she wanted to settle with one that ticked a majority of her boxes, which included having a car, and for the longest time ever, she would pick a guy then drop him, because according to her 'he was wealthy but didn't have good looks, or he was handsome but didn't drive, or he expected me to stop talking to the other guys'
..etc....
...etc....
....etc....
So eventually I told her she wasn't being realistic, and that she should also realize she had some glaring flaws herself so she can't just hop from boy to guy to boy and so on because eventually she would fail at her own game, and she chastised me, asking me why I was saying that things like driving were not necessarily deal breakers yet when I met and settled for my boyfriend/baby daddy/mzee he was driving.
I wondered if it had been a competition all along, but she went on to tell me that most of her friends

in serious relationships were with driving guys. It didn't seem to change her mind when I told her that he was not driving at the time we met, and we actually got serious a while before he  got the car, and though we stopped arguing at this point, I'm not sure if she heard me. All the same, she eventually settled down with a guy with a car, and a general nice personality, so I was kinda relieved that she had managed to have her cake and eat it too, and yes, there is no tragedy to read about here.
I was a bit careful about talking relationship issues with her after that however, because we were clearly of two very different mind-sets, and we drifted apart since then so apart from the random checking up on her, we don't exactly talk that much.
It just got home to me at that time that females seem to have their priorities messed up, because they will very often choose wealth over charisma, kindness, and even health.
I'm not saying go to the gutters to collect the brokest of the broke, after all guys will also seek out the most attractive female they can find to shack up with, just that you should not dismiss everyone who can't drive you to a black-tie dinner every two weeks because who knows, you may walk everywhere but glow from the unadulterated love you are getting, all while keeping fit.....
That's all I have for today, and I hope that people(women) will stop trying to get impossible ideals while they are themselves very basic and have little to offer besides warmth on a bed. Til next time, stay sane my friends!
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STILL GASLIGHTING

Hello dears! I wrote about gaslighting a while ago and this morning I was utterly dismayed to wake up to some more of it.
About three days ago I realized I might be a bit toxic myself, based on occurrences from that night and I really went through it, aiding with this revelation were the suicidal thoughts, the immense stress, and a dawning of a weight so heavy I felt I might crumble underneath it. I broke down, and asked for help, but felt I did not get any.
So this morning when I woke up, tired from a home visit that lasted the whole afternoon, I was getting ready to make an effort in seeking out my episodes of toxicity and drowning them. Went to the living room while he was getting ready to leave, with the kids running around, and after some regular, random conversation, I asked him if he would take some tea. He asked, "Tea?
Is there actually tea?
Did you make it or was there someone to make it?"
Strange line of questions, and strange flow too, especially because the nanny makes tea most mornings. He asked these with a smile that felt strange to me, then said "sure, I'll take some".
I found a used cup on the table and assumed it was the nanny's but thought it strange she would just leave it there as we tend to each take our dirty dishes to the sink. I brought clean ones and set them down, and poured the tea.
He went to the bedroom gathering up his stuff, then asked for socks, so I went and got him a pair, then asked him about the tea getting cold, to which he looked at me surprised, asking "what tea? I had mine the first thing when I woke up".

Honestly, what the eff was this now. I looked at him waiting for this sickening joke to be over but that did not happen.
"I asked you if I should pour you some tea, to which you said yes. Before that I had asked you if you had taken tea, and you did not give me a straight answer which is why I asked again in the first place".
Blank stare back at me with a strange expression, developing in the background. "I did not say any of that......."
"You know what, it's ok, never mind and just forget about all of this", I say as I head back to the living room and start pouring his tea back into the flask.
He finds me doing it and asks, "you actually poured out a cup for me?" Surprised now.
I'm honestly not even angry-yet. Just mildly disappointed and I tell him quietly, "you know this is why I ask you to know the right time for playing and when to be serious. You were probably joking when you said it and I didn't catch it so when you moved on from the joke and forgot about it, I did not". I finish  pouring the tea back.

What is happening?
Am I rationalizing his gaslighting and making it out into logic?
And is it for me or for him?
Why is he doing this to me, is it because I broke down that day and made the mistake of telling him about the turmoil in my mind? Because it definitely feels intentional, like he grabbed the knife end stabbing me and gave it a hard twist.

I hear him say he's leaving, but by now I have started retreating into my mind, and feel like I am floating away from this familiar hell. I go to the bedroom and sit down on the edge of the bed and think. My thoughts start to turn dark so I pick my phone up and scroll randomly, then walk around the room, then go and take my tea, by which time he's gone. I walk around the house some more, tidying up a bit as I go, then decide to go to the shops and get some airtime for my phone, and see my tailor also.
At some point I decide to warm the stew because first baby is crying for food, though I know he doesn't actually want it, but then decide to go out first and get back to that when I return because the nanny is doing some cleaning outside.
I go out, chat with the tailor for a while, then come back to a compound smelling mildly of burnt food, and my mind trips some switch.
I run to the kitchen and confirm that I never turned the cooker off so the stew burnt beyond recognition and I curse myself.
I've been so preoccupied with his brazen attempt at gaslighting me that I have kind of switched off real life for a while.
I'm angry and think a lot of dark thoughts, but calm myself down, then carry on picking random stuff up; the kids are being a good kind of distraction, I think.
So now as I sit here writing this I am still reeling from the cold nature of this person that I had children with.
Is he trying to make my already fragile mind break, or is he trying to drive me to kill myself because he doesn't have the nerve to ask me to leave instead? I'm confused, and thinking of taking action before this gets to greater heights and I lose myself, or worse.
Wish me luck in my navigation, and stay Foxxy as ever dears, Chao!
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DEATHLY HALLOWS; OF RELATIONSHIPS THAT END IN DISEASE, ASSAULT, OR DEATH

Hello mamis!! I hope you're all doing well, I missed you (from the bottom of my heart I promise) so welcome back, and pick your assigned seats......
Last week was wild; from the story of the gospel artists who had some convoluted threesome and infected the lady with herpes (the Greek God of STD's as somebody I know calls it lol), and the tale of the randy pastor who tried to get some former students into bed, to the sad event of the woman who got murdered by her husband and his lover (they say it's a bit complicated so I will leave it at that).
I honestly don't even know where to start, or how much to give to each individual unit, so here goes the mixture of all the mentioned and probably some more, in as good an order as my kinda tipsy mind will allow (do not judge me, I wrote this on a Friday)...

So, PART 1: THE GOSPEL ARTISTS
This one is headed in red with good reason: church people, preacher's kids, and generally gospel
personalities in the limelight have for the longest time been prone to drama, and very unlikely scandals, from theft and abuse, to promiscuity and even murder, they have it all. makes you wonder about those hidden from public view......
So anyway a lady sent a series of messages to a famous blogger in the 254, telling him she had some juice on gospel artists who are not at all what they claim to be. By the time I got to the end of her story though, I had already taken plenty pinches of salt because in summary it went something like this: Guy X calls lady, who featured in some video or other, and tells her he wants to meet up, and she agrees. This is after they have chatted for a while and have become familiar with each other, in the millenial way at least, so they are flirty and have actually agreed to meet up to sample the forbidden fruit. On arrival at the meeting point, X is with friend Y and after lady boards the car it is decided to  go to Y's house instead of paying for a lodging as earlier agreed. Lady agrees, and they go to the house, then start to make out after some drinkd consumption (I'm not sure whether it was alcohol or soft drinks). As the momentum builds up, lady says she is uncomfortable of doing the deed in front of Y, as at this point they are all in the living room, and X graciously agrees, so they move to the bedroom. Once there, and smack in the middle of things, the door opens and Y walks in, naked and ready for action, and he wastes no time starting to fondle lady and etc haha.... Lady objects to this, as it was not part of the arrangement, so it ends at this point, she dresses up, and leaves.
On a future date, Y sends a text message to lady, asking her to kindly forgive him for his misdeeds, and she (kinda) agrees, so from this they begin to talk. One thing leads to another and soon enough they meet up and do the deed, this time X is not in the equation and as it goes, they raw dog it because, well, natural selection and all....
Some time passes after this encounter, and trouble begins, when lady develops some painful boils and sores around her treasure trove, and one hospital visit leads to another, and soon enough the expenses are too much to keep up with even with her sister and mother helping her out. By the time she's diagnosed with herpes, it is situation critical and so she texts Y and lets him know of her mishaps. He delivers true to forms, and ignores her, refusing to send any money and telling her to go right ahead when she threatens to go public with their rendezvous, which she does, even getting an interview on TV to tell of her woes.

Here are some questions for that section:
1) She was at least 19 years old by that time, legally an adult, and she knew full well what they were going to do (hell they did it severally), so why is fida claiming they need to assist, and throwing around rape allegations, yet lady never said they forced her at any point? The only criminal thing in this case would be if Y knew that he was infected, and went on to infect her intentionally refusing to use any protection.
2) What end result did she expect exactly, jumping from one guy to another, neither of which she knew, and even being bold enough to not used protection? I honestly want to know what her endgame was.
3) On going public with this story, what has she done to her dating prospects for the future? She is after all carrying a disease, after sleeping with two guys she was not in a relationship with and whose circumstances are generally suspect.... I am not being a judge here, but honestly if you have at least three brain cells co-operating you know that safe sex is the best sex.
I write all these at risk of being labelled a woman-hater and such, because there are always such individuals out there, but I would appreciate it if I got responses to my three questions above, as I am indeed very curious.

PART 2: PASTOR TESTOSTERONE 

Three ladies told of the story of a pastor who used to go to their school to minister with them, before they cleared school last year, and whom they randomly met at some mall in the city. They were naturally happy to see him, so they talked and hang out a bit then went home, only to get a call at around midnight from the guy. He told them something about needing a place for the night so they directed him to their place (shared I presume), where they somehow civilly passed the night. The next morning, he came up with a grand idea to go on a road trip out of they city and they all agreed, not telling their parents since they were to get back that same day after all.
Needless to say, this did not happen, and at some point they went to a club and the pastor did not drink, but he offered to buy them alcohol which they refused (thankfully). All this time they were with a friend of the pastor who took alcohol, and by the time they were done, it was night, and they had no fare, and could not call their parents to ask because this would land them in trouble, and since the pastor offered to pay for a shared room with two beds, they agreed to stay, only to be told once they got there that "two circumcised men cannot share a bed". Two in the pastors bed and one with the other guy, it was a long night, during which the pastor kept trying to grope them, so the ride back home the following day was extremely uncomfortable needless to say.
When they got back in home territory, trouble was not over yet because he invited the two remaining girls to a fellowship at the church, as one of them left the second she could, wise if you ask me... Soon after their arrival at the bustling meeting, everybody left and it was once again just the pastor and his two scared victims, whom he tried in vain to convince to go back with him for one last night but they refused.
Here, I will not ask questions but rather just state a fact: Gospel music and Christianity as a whole is a sham in Kenya, where the scoundrels all go to hide, so that they can escape judgement from their fellow man but seem to not give a hoot about the one they claim to serve.

PART 3: WIFE, MISTRESS, NEW LOVER, POSSIBLE OTHER LOVER ETC 
This is the saddest part, because it left one woman dead, and a few children in broken families missing one, or in one case both parents...
The body of a woman was retrieved from a dam last week, leading almost immediately to the discovery of her car which was also missing for a day. Her husband had reported her missing the previous day, an due tho fast development of the case was arrested when he went to the dam where the body was found, claiming he had seen a post online saying a woman's body had been found, and he was looking as he was still trying to find his wife. His lover was arrested soon after to aid in investigations and the next day, the story thickened when his very first wife came forward to tell her story, of how he left her and their daughter after some years together, to go and be with the lady who had been murdered. It was a sad case of karma, and it was even stranger still when yet another lady emerged, or rather was dug up from social sites, having taken various pictures together with the guy.
Four women in total, and three children whose lives will be changed forever. We always hear of red flags and all that and sometimes it ends in this worst case scenario of murder, because the guy most likely wanted to leave this second woman, for either the third one or the fourth one, and carry on like that until the end of time. So why do some men feel the need to jump continuously from one woman to another for the rest of time, and actually lead each woman to believe that she is the only one and the final one, makes me wonder is it lust or deceit that makes these relationships fun for the guy?

All in all, it was a hectic week all around and I am glad it's over, on to new challenges and all that, think of ways to further my life and whatnot. Stay safe my friends, and stay disease-free as well but above all, stay smart and until next time, keep it foxxy!!
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WHY HE DOES NOT WANT YOU TO GET A JOB

They say that all is fair in love and in war but is it really? Is it fair, for instance, to take someone as a prisoner simply because they love you?
This post is about a major issue that does not get the airplay it deserves; when a woman is in a relationship with a guy that works extremely hard at keeping his woman out of the workplace, or even getting her out of it when she's already in.
I have had my own perspective on this and I came to the conclusion that despite his well-meaning sentiments and words, any control-freak is very uncomfortable with the idea of his spouse being away from the house hustling or formally employed, so read on.
Below are five reasons which I have come to understand make some men shake in their boots when they hear their wives/girlfriends have gotten jobs. Do let me know what you think in the comments section.

Stuck In The Stone-age

In the past, men were the hunters while women were the gatherers, and since hunting guaranteed greater quantities and more variety of food, it followed that they were the main providers in any family unit.
As much as society has changed, some people refuse to budge from this ancient way, both men and women. The women will strive to fit this role by contributing nothing at all financially to the family and wait on the husband to provide , while the men in this mindset will believe that any marriageable woman must be willing to quit her job if she has one, or not look for one if she doesn't.
While some such men will be sensible enough to find a woman who is willing to abide by this and let her know the terms from the get-go, there are those who foolishly find a woman who is a career-type, hide his intentions from her, and then try to coerce or bully her into changing to suit his purposes.
Such a man will not mind if his means of livelihood alone is not enough to sustain a family unit well and will insist that his woman sees his side of things all the while turning a blind eye to hers.
There are women who would love this, while there are others who would not, so it is in everyone's best interests to talk about these expectations early on in the relationship and save hurt feelings in the end.

Control
Men love to be in control, and it fits them, but sometimes they abuse this position that society has so generously provided for them and want to control the behaviors, needs, and even emotions of their spouses.
In this scenario, he will start with small and random non-issues which you should look out for such as asking you to stop dressing the way you dress despite it being decent and to drop your favorite pastimes in favor of the ones he wants.
Soon enough he will target your job, even if he has a lousy one or does not have one at all, coming up with silly reasons like he wants you to spend more time with him or something. The more you indulge him, the bolder he will get, and soon you may have to drop your friends and ignore your family in a bid to sate his psychotic appetite, which you never ever will.
In some cases, it is clear that he feels that you'll would probably grow horns and wings and hit him then fly away lol, or whatever bizarre analogy, so every time you make an attempt to seek out work you may be met with 'you'll never get that job, you need to know someone on the inside', and 'will you be able to do that with your personality? It will be a headache for you', and 'stay home and take care of the kids first', etc etc.
He may usually be very upbeat when you insist on going and come back unsuccessful and if you ask what is going on and confront him with 'why is it that you don't want me to get a job?' he'll respond with a host of vague reasons like 'you will be really stressed out there', 'you will probably not earn enough for it to be worth it', 'you won't bond with the kids', and so on, and most of all, the subheading below:


A Better Man Than He Is To You Lurks Out There

This right here is psycho-fuel; he knows he treats you like crap, and so is sure that you will find a better man out there, so he wilfully keeps you away from any form of employment, or any reason you may have to interact with the outside world. Though it is hard to believe it, there are some men out there who treat their spouses badly but have no idea about it until they are told and some change while others don't, and others yet can't change.
This one, however, will not change. He wants you to stay put and receive what he gives you;all the bad treatment and abuse, and will guard you like a lion guards its food. He is totally capable of being a better man - the version of him that is seen by most of his friends and the women he cheats on you with, and will not hesitate to bring it up in an argument of you feeling unappreciated.
His strength is his deception and is also his greatest pride because he will ask you, 'do you know how well everyone out there feels/thinks/sees that I treat you? There are those who envy your current position with me'. While this may be true, they envy an illusion, same way we thirst after those instagram posts of beach-side-chilling and fine-food-eating without knowing about the struggle that led there, or even exists there.
This kind of man will therefore be sure beyond the shadow of a doubt that a very good number of men at your workplace are his direct competition, and his juvenile ego cannot take losing you so while he will bask in the adoring presence of interns and office cleaners, he will not wish the same for you. His strategy involves not getting out of his comfort zone to be a better man for you, but getting you out of your comfort zone and on the edge trying to constantly appease him so you cannot see other men out there and realize you got a raw deal.

Esteem Issues
Most guys with esteem issues manage to get women in their lives with their need for validation and constant care, which is unfortunately mistakenly endearing for most females at first. Before you know anything is wrong you are knee-deep in quicksand and he won't let go of you.
The first step a toxic guy will take is to bring you down to his level and then push you down lower so you end up beneath him; more damaged than he is, and needing him. One way to get your esteem down in the gutters is by taking you out of your job; hence you lose your colleagues and fall-back plan in the process because a broke person is generally more desperate than a financially liberated one.
It is not healthy for an active mind to stay at home, there are women who will thrive in this environment and there are others who will fail and if you are one of those who would rather keep busy, stay away from a guy who attempts to get you to leave work without a good reason because he will drain you and destroy you, then probably discard you after he has had his fun.

Stereotypical Much

'I cannot be with a woman who makes more than I do/is in a more successful career than me'; if I had a single coin for every time I have heard this, I would be the sultan of, well, coins. It is an open fact that power corrupts, but while this is true for some people, it is not true for everyone and women are no exception.
I have known some rich and powerful women who were complete and absolute garbage, for lack of a better description, but others are their opposite; humble and caring to those around them, and their spouses in particular. Now the problem is that some unfortunate men suffer from herd mentality and when they see or hear something said or done by one they consider an 'alpha', they repeat it and carry it on mindlessly without considering that there might be a different set of beliefs out there different from their own but which work nonetheless.
If your guy falls in this miserable category then Miss, you are straight outta luck because any pay rise you get in an ethical way will stir unrest in his heart, and if he gets laid off from work then he will expect you to do the sensible thing which is to quit in empathy, and so that he will not feel unduly threatened by you.
It does not matter if you are the most subdued female that ever lived; a man with esteem issues will always view you as a threat the second he learns that you have a salary that can support you so he will fight tooth and nail to keep you at home; broke and dependent on him for as long as he can.

This is pretty much all I have on this particular issue and so I am sure you all know what we should all be working extra hard at...... getting ourselves a damn job haha.... So until my next misadventure, stay foxxxy y'all!!

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OF GOOD INTENTIONS AND GAS-LIGHTING

If you know about the film from 1944 called gaslight then you know exactly what I will be talking about in this here post.
If not, here's a brief definition: to gaslight someone is to gently manipulate them, and coax them to questioning their own sanity.

It might start innocently enough with some simple lies until it gets to the point when you no longer can tell if you are sure about what you say.
 In the film by that name, a man manipulates his wife until she is not sure if she is sane any more. He does this by dimming the gas lights in their home then turning them back up and when she mentions it to him, he tells her that he has no idea of what she is talking about.

Why would anyone do this, you ask? Power is the reason. When someone is successful at it then they hold power over their unsuspecting victim, and this is simply no way for a relationship to be; it is after all a fair equal union as opposed to a hostile take-over.
As a general rule of thumb, love is no longer healthy when it becomes about control, power, and numbing mind-games; and this is the precedent for countless evils that happen in a relationship and leave outsiders wondering whether you have been bewitched to remain in such a cursed union so this is the point you should exit stage left.
Read on below to find out the signs you should look out for to know if your significant other is gaslighting you,; and keep in mind you will have to be very keen because it happens to the best of us and is a lot easier than you may think to fall into this pit.

They Are Totally Charming To Other People
The thing with a person who is manipulating you is that they need others to always take their side in the event anything happens so they are charming, attentive, polite, considerate, and all those other nice things to you, but only when you are in front of people. Things are of course very different when you are by yourselves, as they will ignore and belittle you, convince you that the things you care about are nonsense, and will not support any dreams that you may have.
If you notice this Jekyll and Hyde phenomenon and feel as if no one else can really see the person you are with, it is time to turn your radar up and watch out for any of these other signs.

They Tell You Outright Lies
You know beyond all doubt that this person is lying to you but they stand their ground, why? They are setting the stage so that you will never be sure if anything they say is true, and as long as you are not on guard, then they will amp up their manipulation in some of these following ways.

They Constantly Deny Things They Had Said
"Honey, when will you fix this door? You said you would get to it later in the week and it's Saturday already". "What? I never said anything like that"....
 Even if you have proof of it, they will borderline swear an oath with the Holy Book that they did not say it, and the more they do it, the less sure you become of anything and the more you rely on them to show you the light, which of course they have no intention of doing.

They Use Things You Care About As Weapons
They know of your dreams and aspirations and what they mean to you, and how dear your sister is to you, so they will say things like "you know you're too lazy/slow/inept to be in that line of work", and "your sister is a bad influence on you, do you think your mom will be happy if you leave me like your sister left her spouse?". And so on and so forth, making you feel lucky to be with them because they know you so damn well and accept you despite your numerous flaws.

The Frog In A Pot Of Boiling Water
Because they do it so gradually, you will not feel the pressure all at once; a few light lies in the start, some nasty comments over time, and before you know it it has reached the climax yet you are still holding on to the illusion of love. Same as with the frog in the pot of boiling water, it starts out with a cool comfortable temperature and as the heat is gradually turned up, it is soon boiling before the frog realizes what is going on.

Their Actions And Words Do Not Match
They will say a lot of things; "you're the best thing that has happened to me", "I will change", "I love you", etc, but none of these words mean a thing; they are all just empty talk worth nothing and their actions always bring you down.

They Seem To Be Positive For You, Sometimes
Every now and then they will give you some morale boost and words of encouragement like "Seems like you're finally getting the hang of keeping the house clean and tidy". While this seems like a compliment, it is just another tool on their belt because they live in the same house, right? So the house being clean serves them as well.
What this random positivity does is to keep you unsure of things because it seems like they are actually good people with your interests at heart but rest assured they are not. Remember the Devil was an angel of light once.

They Weaken You With Confusion
Stability makes people comfortable while confusion weakens them and this is their goal, to keep you weak and dependent on them because you will always turn to them when you need some stability in  your life.

They Turn People Against You
In a bid to isolate you so that you are easier to control and also find people who will stand by them, they will tell you false statements implying that other people know you are no good or you are weak so that you turn to them for support and invariably fall deeper into their traps.

They Are Dismissive Of You
They tell you that you're crazy and also joke about it to others so that it becomes easier to keep you in a position where you believe that, and others will also find it hard to believe that the gaslighter is manipulative and abusive; the things you do and say mean very little to them once you are in their control.

They Project Their Behaviors On You
If they are cheats, they accuse you of cheating; if they are drunks, they accuse you of alcoholism and because they are manipulators, they accuse you of manipulating their feelings to get your ends. Once you react to this and attempt to defend yourself, you feed in to their plan and are distracted from what they are doing even more.

These are the main things to look out for when you suspect that you are being gaslighted, and you should expect a lot of opposition if you attempt to let them know that you are on to them. Because love tends to throw everything into a shade of roses at least at first, you should take care to keep safe from the clutches of a narcissist whose qualities I will tell you all about next time. Til then, stay foxxy!!

Also read here!

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