ANOTHER NIGHT ALONE, BUT GLAD TO BE ALIVE

Hello my lovelies!! Have you all been nice and wholesome? I sure hope you have been, so lean back, cradle your nice warm cup of whatever and let me share my adventures of the past few days with you!!

I recently rediscovered my love for crochet, so I've been at it with a lot of vigor and it has mostly eased my very high stress levels. Times are still tough, though, and so after accompanying the him to his freelance office once last week, where he has two workmates, i tried to float the idea of making them burgers every now and then, selling them to the workmates so we can get some pocket change and stuff. Not surprisingly he was not for the idea, and shot it down as fast as possible, saying he was not for the idea of such kind of 'hustles'.
I'm sure this is because of his sense of pride, understandable I guess, and wanting to act like everything is great to outsiders while releasing his stress on me, (at this point I remember him showing me a meme talking about building your king and not being another battle he has to fight etc and had I to bite my tongue hard to not tell him he wasn't really my king, more like my personally assigned stress-er haha).

So anyway by this point I know he's not interested in my happiness at all but is just after keeping up appearances and stuff, and that day the conversation ended with him telling me to stick to trying to find a job in my field of study (because he knows I've been trying to get one for the last 6 years with no luck) again, no surprise....
I've been feeling extremely tired of late, drained of energy and as such I've been waking up mostly

between 9 and 11 and getting side eyes and all that because he wakes a bit earlier to go out and about. Today was no different, but I was in a rather better mood than other days so I made some chapati dough, and covered it up to prepare for supper. I made some strange pilau and beef stew for lunch and that was that, but after crocheting for a bit, I got bored and needed to stretch my legs.
With the babies fed, washed, and roaming around the house, I decided to burn the accumulated dried leaves and plant waste in the garden, so I can dig it up at some point and plant food, for a rainy day you know :).
I got the matches and went outside to burn the stuff, and spared half a thought at the trees growing around the piles I wanted to burn. It took three matches to light the first one, and I thought wow this will take forever to burn but whatever there's nothing I would rather be doing, so I took a barely burning twig and tossed it into the other pile.
Here's a free lesson my people: rosemary trees are flammable as f*ck! Especially when dry....
The pile caught fire and burned very big and very dramatically, thanks to the dry weather and strong wind, and my attention was diverted from the slower burning pile which was not predominantly dried pepper tree leaves and twigs.

Suddenly I hear a loud crack from somewhere on my left and when I turn I am met by a flaming branch swinging in the very strong wind. I panic immediately because this is what I had thought of then ignored and I know how fast the fire can jump from one tree to the next, then to the electricity cables above, then to the car, then to the damn house and O My Good Lord my BABIES!!!

I hear the little one crying in the house as though very far away and when I look over she's standing in the doorway with all the smoke making her cough a bit.

I yell for the nanny but she doesn't respond, meanwhile I'm running to the tap outside to open it and fetch some water in a basin to throw in the trees but the trip to and from is too slow and the water seems to flow too slowly so I scream her name, twice, and she comes running asking what's up only to see the fire in the trees.

I find the pipe we used to water the garden and toss one end to her while trying to jam the other end into the tap but it won't fit and keeps falling out when I let go of it.
The nanny meanwhile is understandably scared to go near the fire because it's big and menacing so I tell her to hold the one end on the tap and not let go no matter what, and I run off in the opposite direction to try and douse the flames with water.
The water now creates a nasty blend of smoke and fire and I can barely see where I am but clearly

hear both babies crying by now. I yell at them to get back in the house and obviously they don't listen but thankfully they stay on the veranda, where they get some of the smoke but none of the heat.

Somehow by heaven's grace the fire gets under control and I make sure to soak the damn ground in water and eliminate the chance of any spark left there, and I stay outside for about an hour until I'm sure there's no more fire. I think what would have happened if I had lit the piles then gone back to the house to relax and I shudder violently.

I'm honestly so glad to be alive and well that I don't even feel sick and angry when the bastard stays out till long past midnight, and even then the smell of smoke makes me uneasy. I think I will see things in a different light for a while now, and will definitely stay the hell away from matches. I'm kind of glad the nanny was there to see how fast it can get out of control, so she won't attempt something like that when she's home alone. 

All in all, I love my babies more than I hate this hominid, and maybe that is why I'm trying so hard to make things work, so that they grow up in a well-balanced and wholesome family, and hopefully don't turn out as bitter as me.

Until we meet next time, stay safe my friends, and do not take a single moment for granted. And if you do get into a relationship, be sure to consider all things before you have kids because they introduce new variables in the drama, and it gets much harder to be selfish and look out for you...
Also read it here!

                                            XO