A ROYAL WEDDING, AND A FALSE ACCUSATION

While Meghan Markle was lucky kissing her prince sometime last year, some of us -myself included- were still struggling with the toads that we chose to be yoked to for eternity. It was a very busy weekend in general terms; and today's post is not advice or anything like that, but a story of sorts that you may or may not learn a lesson from so hear ye, hear ye, my sorrowful tale of being falsely accused....

It has happened so many times that I lost count, but there was a previous incident whereby after filling the kiddy pool with water and trying to get the babies to play in it, we went to the house, and left our resident trouble maker outside. The water had still been running because it was so slow in filling the pool so he said he was going to shut it since we were done and off he went in the direction of the tap.
Quick jump to the evening, when the driveway was filled with water and I was outside doing some light weeding in the kitchen garden when he came up to me and said, 'you know you drained the pool'.
This sounded strange and because I was surprised I asked him, 'what?' To which he repeated his statement, and said that when I pulled the pipe out of the tap with the other end still in the pool, it siphoned the water out hence the wet driveway and almost empty pool.
I stood upright and told him, in the most calm way that I could, that I was not insane, and I had not even gone near the tap since leaving the area with the pool. He was the one who shut the tap and did whatever else he did so why now was he blaming me?
He must not have expected this because he just turned around and walked away, smart if you ask me, and good for both of us as it would save us a tiring exchange, more so on our son's second birthday.
So now on the weekend in question, it seemed to me that he is trying to refresh his gaslighting on me by doing things and then very sanely and calmly blaming me to see if I fall for it. Unfortunately, I have learnt that this is his trick so now my immediate reaction when he accuses me of anything is to deny, deny, deny, as he always does.

This time, my latest gripe, is when he tried blaming me for not giving him complete feedback about an engineer he had requested me to follow up for him, concerning verification of some drawings. As the story went, we were together that whole day, when I called up my contact person who told me that he did not personally know any registered engineers, but that he knew someone who worked in a printing shop who might know one- a broker, if you will. I told him thanks and he forwarded the number to me and I relayed the info back to my deaf-man; in a conversation that went as follows:
Me: So I don't think we'll get any help from there as he said his dad is not registered and he does not personally know a registered engineer, the person who's number he has forwarded to me is just someone who works in a printing shop so he will broker us and will definitely want some payment in return, defeating the purpose of the cheapness we are trying to get.
Him: .... Silence......... Then call him and ask him if he can send us to the person he works for and we will negotiate.
Me: The person he works for is a printer. They do not have any drawing or approving capabilities because they just print. Will you be fine with being sent to someone else through him, then pay both of them?
Him: Just call him and ask him.
Me: Here's his number, I think it would be better if you talked to him as I'm not sure what or how exactly I'm supposed to ask him.
Him: Well if he's not an actual engineer then it's fine I guess he can't help us.

*****************************conversation ends*********************************

So, at some point his phone went off and he needed to talk to some people and meet up so we put his sim card in mine and he had it for the better part of the evening.

Forward to the next day, where he's out and I can't reach him due to network disturbances and I have a long day comprising of cramps and burning my fingers on the ugali sufuria. At some point his mother calls me and after some small talk asks me when I last spoke to him, and I can literally hear the disapproval in her voice when I tell her about three hours ago, to which she says ok, goodnight, talk tomorrow, then we hang up.
This gets me feeling some (bad) type of way because it is not the first time that his parents have said and/or implied that I need to constantly know where he, is, and reach out to him, call him, and talk to him. But just how the shit do you keep tabs on a grown man with his own agenda who most of the times picks up your call with a sigh, because you're just bugging the soul out of him? I need a course on how to do this, and I also think that if his parents could not tame him in all the time they have known him, it's unfair to give me that responsibility; I have never in my life professed to being a miracle worker.

So anyway finally his phone goes through, and my emotions are still smarting from the call and trying to restrain myself from saying something stupid, as I often do when angry. We start off on a bad note but things calm down and there's actually even a light joke thrown somewhere in there at some point.
He calls me when he's at the gate, and says he has the key anyway so don't bother. I say ok but go outside all the same after some minutes so I can close it once he's in, but there are no characteristic lights under the gate to signal his presence. I stand around for a bit then go back in, because the cold is making me miserable.

After a few minutes, I hear the gate open, he gets in, and closes it, and gets into the house, says hi to the kids, and comes to the room, where I am, having just gotten out of the loo.

No hello, so I volunteer one that gets the coldest response you ever heard, and before I can recover, he hits me with 'why did you refuse to follow up with the lead we had for a registered engineer?' I literally wonder out loud, 'what the fk!?' 'I refused to follow up???? did you show interest past the point we left it at? I told you he sent me a number and you had the phone, did you call him??' He walks out of the room and heads into the kitchen.

At this juncture I realize I have just gone fifty shades angrier but I cannot stop myself, and I try, believe me. I follow him there, and tell him to try and not blame me for his mistakes and failures because when I offer to help it does not mean that he needs to step out of the situation and be an observer, with no input. He says it's ok and he will help himself in the future and will never ask for my help, so I can just leave it at that he does not want to listen to me anymore.
This strikes a raw nerve, so I do what every angry woman does; cut open an old wound then pour the salt in. Suddenly it's about his being late a month ago, it's his general irresponsibility, the way he talks to me, etc etc. and just everything else we have ever fought about. He's getting angry and asking what that has to do with anything, could I please just shut the hell up and leave him alone, he just wants some peace etc, but I'm on a roll so I carry on, til I'm all spent, and go back to the bedroom just after he calls his mother asking her what she told me over the phone to get me so upset.
I don't hear the exchange though it's a short conversation. I know she's going to take this opportunity to give me a talk of how to stay well in a 'marriage' as if this sham is one, and as if I'm responsible of the actions for her son. I get madder at the thought but pour some whisky in a plastic cup and drink it bitterly and I guess it calms me down  bit.
I get to work on the laptop doing random things and put up a blog post (not this one, I'm not that fast haha) and end up sleeping at 3 a.m.
Is this how I want to raise our kids really? Did I not learn from my mum and dad that this is the recipe for messed up adults?
Stay foxxy out there.
I wish I had more alcohol.

XOXO