WHO IS A MAN?

If you came to this page from google results feeling a bit sentimental or poetic, or searching for some deep understanding or even biological definition, then I apologize in advance because this is not what that is at all.
This is more like a detailed analysis of the characters that I have been unlucky enough to know, so no good vibes here lol.
Before you misread my intentions with those lines, however, let it be clear that I know that there are cases where men are great and sensible; model members of society whom we wish our sons would emulate and our daughters end up with.
I know some marriages do work, with lots of work from both parties to make it last, and so it does.
Following is more like a summary of some of my experiences so far.A small part of me-the hope that escaped the massacre that my feelings were taken through- still expects a kind of 'knight-in-shining-armor but before I digress further, here we go.....

He Will:
Chat with and exchange pictures of himself and other random things with different women, changing the script each time an occurrence arises, and swiftly learning what to do and say so as to get your leniency and yet more chances (to waste your time).

Talk warmly with random females in public, giving them the impression that he is the most charming man out there and that he would blow the competition out of the water. Most times he will let them know if he is otherwise involved because he knows how some women are like, quick to jump into bed with him as they believe they can offer him something that you cannot hence they will cater to him and sweep him off his feet.

Act like an angel to you when you are in public with him, especially in front of his mother, father, and other relatives, so that they are under the illusion that you want for nothing and if you ever leave, you are the bad guy.

Gaslight you every step of the way; to a point that you do not even know who your family and friends are, and with this confusion already planted in your life it will be so much easier for you to fall into his traps of 'she never meant anything to me' and 'you have no idea how much I regret chatting with her and sleeping with her friend and afterwards trying to get her to go for round two after you caught me the first time and forgave me'.....

Mentally deplete your strength and coping abilities and esteem to the point that you feel as if you need him in order to just survive. His toxic presence will keep you feeling sickly safe as he has drilled it into your head that no one else can want you, and life for a single mom with not one but two of his children would be so hard.......

Take advantage of your kindness and have you feeling as if you need to do so much more in order to keep him interested and focused on only you.

Never pull his weight in the relationship, and when you muster the courage to call him out for this he will either sulk until you apologize to him, or he will show you  how bad you are yourself so you can apologize.

Act extremely surprised when caught at a negative point such as cheating or almost cheating, then go from that to a full sulk that will have him refusing to eat the food you serve him, and actually even giving you the silent treatment until you behave yourself and humbly ask for his forgiveness.

Be an endless vortex sucking in energy from you to stoke his impoverished ego, needing affirmations each and every second of how great he is as a human  being, but never giving back in return.

Cheat so often and regularly in different occasions that you will be at pains to keep tabs on him, and thanks to the brainwashing he has put you through already you will doubt your instincts and just forgive him because it is easier that way for your heavily taxed mind.

Make sure that you are not financially stable by inducing you to make important purchases because he is currently unable to until your stash runs out, and try to get you to leave your job and find a better one, raising the bar each time some potential comes along.

Break your heart so repeatedly and so thoroughly that you never feel the need to love again and are unable to be completely happy as yourself; traumatize you from being with someone even if they truly deserve you.

Make you lose trust in every single human being on earth because his behaviors are normal, it is your expectations that aren't, and you are not as perfect as you 'keep telling' him you are so just drop it, he is simply being human.

Find a way to correlate seemingly random and distant things you do so that they seem like a good enough excuse for what he did, and when you catch him at it then he will reverse the situation an make it seem as though you are the one doing it.

Simply not care for you; dismissing you when you are sick and sometimes even being extra mean to you when you are unwell and totally unable to put up a fight with him. If you insist on your feeling bad he will give a half-assed get better soon and act as if you are faking it to some strange end, even if you never have done that.

Completely kill your creativity because every single idea you have is 'unattainable', 'too expensive and labor-intensive', 'beyond your expertise', etc etc until you do not even feel the urge to be innovative any more.

Constantly do the opposite of what he says, and not even bother with an explanation, just leaving you to do whatever you need to do to deal with it because he is never responsible for your feelings; you are, and you are also responsible for his.

Live in a reality that is tailored to suite him; forgetting things at will, planting memories of things that never happened, twisting things to look how he wants them to look and then insisting on that with a solid determination that will wear you down.

And finally he will demean you daily to a point where you choose to stay on through his abuse because you think he is merciful for putting up with you as you are not as good a chapati cook as his mom, or a good and tidy home-keeper like the neighbor's wife, or a good mother like his colleague at work who is climbing up the career ladder while juggling with her children at home and so on and so forth.


At this point I realize I have been a bit unfair and chosen to focus only on the negatives. I have edited this post a bit from the first time I wrote it, call it sentiment, or getting softer with age, I call it a blue moon, becaue I don't often change my mind in regards to things involving feelings, and my observations are generally rather accurate and well-carried out so.....

Anyway, I sign off with a heaviness in my heart because this is the last of all the last strokes that have ever been; this is it, the final goodbye. I feel I am completely drained and have nothing more to give but still more is being asked of me so my instinct of survival has kicked in and I cannot fight any more; just flee.

XO