HOW TO BE A 'GOOD WIFE'

Hello my dears and welcome back :) Today I felt inspired to write about the 'wifey material' stuff, what our mamas and grandmamas and occasionally aunties taught us while we were growing up because now that I'm here, the view is hella different lol.
Pardon the million quotes, by the way, it's just that type of day....
So anyway, apparently it's a thing to be the very best female out there so that you can get a mate for life, never mind if he wasn't taught anything by his papa and grandpapa on how to be a good husband because, well, that's your job....
......eyeroll here..... or not, that's rather ratchet behavior I've heard.
I'm making lots of allusions and stuff, but I will try and stay objective, of course I won't buy into the stereotypes and all, but will give my unfiltered view of the tips and tricks (that's what they really are, honey) that so called good wives employ in order to keep that status. Keep in mind, however, that this is not an instruction manual or holy grail, more like a cheat sheet, so there's a chance you may get caught, or things won't really go according to plan so for whatever it's worth, here we go...

THOU SHALT BITE THY RAZOR TONGUE
Until it bleeds, if necessary lol. It is a well known fact that women can talk, and this is even more true for when they are angry but beware for loose tongues sink ships, apparently ...
Anyway, my mother told me that her father, a salty army-man, told her as she was preparing to get married, that words are like arrows, and the mouth is the bow. You need to know that just as it is impossible to stop a flying arrow once you have released it, you also can't catch words after you say them, and even if you regret it and apply a salve and bandages on the wound so caused, the damage will be done and prevention is better than cure at this point.
So whenever you're in a heated argument in a moment of passion, try and cool yourself down, and talk when you are calm because once you let your emotion have access to your words, it becomes a slippery slope down to the gutters and you don't want to spoil a potentially good thing with some careless words, true though they may be.

ALWAYS BE THE FIRST TO APOLOGIZE
This one is closely tied in with the first lesson, but is still a bit different, because at the end of the day, careful though you may be, hurt will occur and then the simmering emotions will remain waiting for some action or other. At this juncture, you become the bigger man (woman), suck it up, and apologize for whatever it was. This will save you lots of pent up anger, and potentially even stop grudges from being born because we all know men are like pineapples - tough and prickly on the outside, but soft and mushy on the inside so just swallow your pride and take the jump.
For your efforts, you will be crowned Miss Polite and because it's never fun being around someone who just folds over and apologizes when in an argument or fight, he will soon stop trying to fuel the fire by engaging you in fights or even picking them out of thin air, all the better for you.

BE PATIENT

Strive to learn patience before the kids get here, because then it will be a very steep uphill climb to juggle them and their tantrums, sleeplessness, moods and general bad behavior from all corners and remain sane. Be patient through everything that you come across and trust me, practice makes perfect so go on.
When he's in a bad mood, be patient, when he's going through a rough economic patch, be patient, when he's taking five decades to respond to the simple inquiry of what he wants to have for dinner (because you need some ideas after making the decision for three months straight), be patient. Make this your song and its chorus, and the only thing you should not be patient with at any level is physical abuse because once it starts it just gets worse by the second.

BE SUPPORTIVE
You need to be his manager, his coach, his number one fan, and his caretaker and nurse all rolled into one, because while he's out and about he encounters lots of opposition and negativity, and when you make the home environment the positive to counter all the negative he gets, he will surely love coming home to you. This may or may not work though, because there is a bizarre breed of men nowadays who respond negatively to love, the more you love and support them, the worse grade of dog they become. These ones love drama, and you will never miss them in public harassing waitresses, checking out every female that passes by, and chatting up a hundred girls online, mostly girls that don't have anything better to do or those that are also chatting with a hundred boys lol.

RESPECT HIM
I think that this would be the biggest  blow to your good wife card, and understand that no man, no matter how unemployed, how bullied, how insignificant in society, how short, or how broke can take disrespect for a long time, especially from his life companion. So respect him, with your words and with your actions, even when fighting do so respectfully because disrespect demoralizes him and a demoralized man is prone to lots of strange and bad behaviors.


LISTEN TO HIM
Now there's a difference between listening to hear and listening to respond, and the first is the better kind of listening- the kind that you also expect from him. Everyone loves a good listen every now and then, sometimes not even to brainstorm and share experiences, other times it just feels good to vent and have someone listen attentively, agreeing where necessary and frowning when needed. So be his listening ear, and he will definitely let you into his life by telling you his daily adventures and ideas and dreams, and you can also do the same eventually.



SHOW HIM THAT YOU LOVE HIM
There's this really old song called 'More than words' sung by a duo called 'Extreme', and it goes along the lines of  using actions to express love for the other, not just words. It's important to show love to your partner, by random acts of thoughtful kindness, a kiss here and a peck there, because actions do speak louder than words. Express it to him and let him know you're thinking of him now and then, and also find a way to tell him to reciprocate because it will add to the general goodness of your relationship.


DO NOT BE TOO NEEDY AND INSECURE

Nothing is a bigger turn off than a woman who is always scowling at those she thinks are better off than her, or look better than her. A woman who is constantly suspicious of all females around her man, including his relatives, and is always sulking about how her man doesn't love her or he spends too much time with or talking with other females, will soon push her spouse away. It's exhausting af always trying to prove your love and justify yourself to someone who is hell bent on not believing you, so just stop it, especially if the claims are unsubstantiated. If you feel the love is gone and you cannot bring it back just swallow your pride, do yourselves both the favor of a lifetime, and leave.

DO NOT BE JUDGMENTAL

Everyone needs to be themselves in order to feel good and satisfied so the best kind of person anyone will want to be around is one who will be accommodating. When he tells you something that is potentially damaging or sensitive for him; something that he clearly thought long and hard before sharing with you, or you just stumbled on him, don't laugh and point and giggle and be a child about it. Listen and as long as it's something that does not cause harm, live with it, and obviously do not stoop to the very low level of gossiping about it with your 'friends'; do they even tell you about their funny and secret relationship issues?

KEEP HIM FULFILLED
This applies to spiritually, mentally, physically, and in all other ways, and sooner or later, he will reciprocate it if he is not already doing it. Even if he doesn't, be the bigger person and do it, your repayment will be done in full before you leave this earth..... The old reggae song sang that a hungry man is an angry man and this could not be more true and also, sexual frustration has been linked to depression (apparently hehe) so do not contribute in the creation of angry, mental psychos with no morals....




LEARN TO LET THE LITTLE THINGS GO
Finally, let the small things slide (I'm not talking about about the kids lol). Most times you find yourself twisted into something unrecognizable over something he did, like leave the socks in the living room on the couch for the trillionth time and honestly, they're not nuclear atoms so just understand that you will have to do so for the rest of your life. If for some reason or other that can't be you, then just leave because either way it's never that serious ☺️☺️☺️.

I am aware that many modern women will be up in arms over this, but just take it or leave it; it's simply a way to make your life easier and that much more fulfilling and at the end of the day, practicing these things will make you a better person all round and there is some joy that is always deep down in any nice person.

Until next time, keep it foxxy, and stay smiling my dears; chao!!
Also read it here!

                                                                    XOXO

OPEN RELATIONSHIPS: YAY OR NAY

The day I arrived at the end of my tether, I put all my cards on the table and let him know that since he seemed to be unable to help himself around women, then I shall also not help myself around men and will consequently taste this forbidden fruit which he can't get enough of. His response? 'Let's try an open relationship then and see how it goes'.

This translated to me that he was ok being the philanderer each time and me forgiving him severally but if  I was to become like him, he would now not wait for me to go out and get lucky while he chews on his fingernails all night long. So I said it was ok, whatever he wanted to do he could go ahead, but then we hit a speed bump because we were to lay down the rules and regulations for this undertaking, but he somehow never got the time to have the talk. 

I figured he had developed cold feet and just could not bear the thought of taking what he had been dishing to me; even if the same was now opened to him. 

Slavery much? 

Anyway, just to clear the air, I was not interested in being a ho and had said all of that in the heat of the moment because he continuously refused to acknowledge his wrong and stop repeating the same mistake over and over. His response did give me a sneak peak into our future together, where I saw tears in the short term and total darkness in the long term. 

I was curious though about open relationships as I have heard some people getting into them, celebrity example singer Neyo and his spouse, and if it was anything to go by, the fact that she was always in tears and complaints while he was not, I realized that it was not going to be accepted by both parties concerned, even if both initially agreed to the laid down terms and conditions.

Here therefore is my article on everything I found out about these open relationships; read on and see if you would be interested in taking part in one...

Definition

First off, it is a form of polygamous union, and this is an umbrella term more or less because any given couple out there will have their own variations of what is ok and what is not; their own terms and conditions if you will. As long as you approach the situation ethically, the rest you can work out as you go along.

haha...

General 'Rules of Engagement'

If you and your significant other choose to go down this road, you might as well try and make it work otherwise as 'Rick from Rick and Morty' would say you are planning to fail, which is even more stupid than regular planning haha...

So here's some pointers on what to do to get it right:

1- Get to know about it by talking to people in similar undertakings (haha) online, or in real-life if you know them.

2-Decide what you both want, discuss, and agree about it.

3-Establish the guidelines and never overstep your boundaries.

4-Be ready to get flexible and realize the initial rules may need to change over time and nothing is written in stone.

5-Put extra effort into your communications and know that if you start to act out of feelings such as jealousy and anger, which are sure to develop over time, you will be shooting yourself in the foot.

6-Nothing is ever easy and this is no different so put a lot of energy into it, and work at it.

So far so good, right? Because as long as you can 'legally' have your 4 girlfriends and she has her two boyfriends then it is fair for both of you getting the supposed best of all worlds out there, right? Read on for a few of the things that can make this perceived 'paradise' to fail:

1-Jealousy and Insecurity are real, and you do not have to be the jealous type to get some feelings tangled when you are home alone while your significant other is snuggling up to some other person. Your reputation is also on the line due to a society that is generally not that sexually progressive, and you risk being outcasts of sorts.

2-All is, after all, not fair, because we all know that it is that much easier and faster for a woman who is actively searching to get the literal bang for her buck, especially in this no-strings-attached scenario, and a guy will have to put in more work to bed a new partner because contrary to popular belief, not that many women out there are willing to get it on with someone in a relationship, open though it may be.

3-STD's and pregnancy are an obvious risk, and it is not right for me to put them together like this but let's just ignore that. Common sense dictates that the probability of winding up with a disease gets higher the more people you sleep with, and don't even get me started on the complications of the lady getting pregnant by someone else, or the guy impregnating someone else. What happens to your relationship then?

4-It is bound to get emotional at some point, even if neither of you develop feelings for a third party - which is honestly a reach by the way, there is still no guarantee that everyone else you are involved with will respect this and when feelings develop then a mess is also bound to ensue. 

5-You are bound to spread yourself too thin because what happens when, for instance, two partners simultaneously need the presence of another one; how do you choose which one to save and which one to lose without creating unnecessary tension?

6-Self-esteem issues will crop up because we are all human and to some extent at least, want validation from someone important in our lives. When in a relationship, it will be all too easy to compare yourself with a third party in the same circles as us because our partner seems happier, more at ease, and generally 'better' while with them than while with you.

7-Finally, take all the issues that a normal monogamous relationship may face and put them in the mix because where two human beings are intimately involved there is definitely going to be friction; now multiply that by the number of people in the relationship with you. Issues like cheating are compunded by having no clear cut definitions and so on and so forth, so at the end is it really worth it?

A monogamous relationship takes a lot of work to get to work, so to speak, and a lot of people mistakenly feel that involving other people is the easy way out while it is not. 

You will have to be ready to deal with more issues where there are more people involved and this generation of consumers and selfish people yelling 'YOLO' this is already tough to come by.

Last but not least, if you get into an open relationship your primary relationship will need to be the picture of health and stand the test of time because any small issues you had will be blown out of proportion by outsiders, so there you have it - ours would have been a disaster in waiting so in some ways I am glad it did not materialize.

Let me know in the comments what you think about this open relationship thing, and if you would get into one yourself, and let us have a healthy discussion.

Until next time, stay foxxy my ladies!!!

Also read it here!

                                                                  XOXO