HOW TO BE A 'GOOD WIFE'

Hello my dears and welcome back :) Today I felt inspired to write about the 'wifey material' stuff, what our mamas and grandmamas and occasionally aunties taught us while we were growing up because now that I'm here, the view is hella different lol.
Pardon the million quotes, by the way, it's just that type of day....
So anyway, apparently it's a thing to be the very best female out there so that you can get a mate for life, never mind if he wasn't taught anything by his papa and grandpapa on how to be a good husband because, well, that's your job....
......eyeroll here..... or not, that's rather ratchet behavior I've heard.
I'm making lots of allusions and stuff, but I will try and stay objective, of course I won't buy into the stereotypes and all, but will give my unfiltered view of the tips and tricks (that's what they really are, honey) that so called good wives employ in order to keep that status. Keep in mind, however, that this is not an instruction manual or holy grail, more like a cheat sheet, so there's a chance you may get caught, or things won't really go according to plan so for whatever it's worth, here we go...

THOU SHALT BITE THY RAZOR TONGUE
Until it bleeds, if necessary lol. It is a well known fact that women can talk, and this is even more true for when they are angry but beware for loose tongues sink ships, apparently ...
Anyway, my mother told me that her father, a salty army-man, told her as she was preparing to get married, that words are like arrows, and the mouth is the bow. You need to know that just as it is impossible to stop a flying arrow once you have released it, you also can't catch words after you say them, and even if you regret it and apply a salve and bandages on the wound so caused, the damage will be done and prevention is better than cure at this point.
So whenever you're in a heated argument in a moment of passion, try and cool yourself down, and talk when you are calm because once you let your emotion have access to your words, it becomes a slippery slope down to the gutters and you don't want to spoil a potentially good thing with some careless words, true though they may be.

ALWAYS BE THE FIRST TO APOLOGIZE
This one is closely tied in with the first lesson, but is still a bit different, because at the end of the day, careful though you may be, hurt will occur and then the simmering emotions will remain waiting for some action or other. At this juncture, you become the bigger man (woman), suck it up, and apologize for whatever it was. This will save you lots of pent up anger, and potentially even stop grudges from being born because we all know men are like pineapples - tough and prickly on the outside, but soft and mushy on the inside so just swallow your pride and take the jump.
For your efforts, you will be crowned Miss Polite and because it's never fun being around someone who just folds over and apologizes when in an argument or fight, he will soon stop trying to fuel the fire by engaging you in fights or even picking them out of thin air, all the better for you.

BE PATIENT

Strive to learn patience before the kids get here, because then it will be a very steep uphill climb to juggle them and their tantrums, sleeplessness, moods and general bad behavior from all corners and remain sane. Be patient through everything that you come across and trust me, practice makes perfect so go on.
When he's in a bad mood, be patient, when he's going through a rough economic patch, be patient, when he's taking five decades to respond to the simple inquiry of what he wants to have for dinner (because you need some ideas after making the decision for three months straight), be patient. Make this your song and its chorus, and the only thing you should not be patient with at any level is physical abuse because once it starts it just gets worse by the second.

BE SUPPORTIVE
You need to be his manager, his coach, his number one fan, and his caretaker and nurse all rolled into one, because while he's out and about he encounters lots of opposition and negativity, and when you make the home environment the positive to counter all the negative he gets, he will surely love coming home to you. This may or may not work though, because there is a bizarre breed of men nowadays who respond negatively to love, the more you love and support them, the worse grade of dog they become. These ones love drama, and you will never miss them in public harassing waitresses, checking out every female that passes by, and chatting up a hundred girls online, mostly girls that don't have anything better to do or those that are also chatting with a hundred boys lol.

RESPECT HIM
I think that this would be the biggest  blow to your good wife card, and understand that no man, no matter how unemployed, how bullied, how insignificant in society, how short, or how broke can take disrespect for a long time, especially from his life companion. So respect him, with your words and with your actions, even when fighting do so respectfully because disrespect demoralizes him and a demoralized man is prone to lots of strange and bad behaviors.


LISTEN TO HIM
Now there's a difference between listening to hear and listening to respond, and the first is the better kind of listening- the kind that you also expect from him. Everyone loves a good listen every now and then, sometimes not even to brainstorm and share experiences, other times it just feels good to vent and have someone listen attentively, agreeing where necessary and frowning when needed. So be his listening ear, and he will definitely let you into his life by telling you his daily adventures and ideas and dreams, and you can also do the same eventually.



SHOW HIM THAT YOU LOVE HIM
There's this really old song called 'More than words' sung by a duo called 'Extreme', and it goes along the lines of  using actions to express love for the other, not just words. It's important to show love to your partner, by random acts of thoughtful kindness, a kiss here and a peck there, because actions do speak louder than words. Express it to him and let him know you're thinking of him now and then, and also find a way to tell him to reciprocate because it will add to the general goodness of your relationship.


DO NOT BE TOO NEEDY AND INSECURE

Nothing is a bigger turn off than a woman who is always scowling at those she thinks are better off than her, or look better than her. A woman who is constantly suspicious of all females around her man, including his relatives, and is always sulking about how her man doesn't love her or he spends too much time with or talking with other females, will soon push her spouse away. It's exhausting af always trying to prove your love and justify yourself to someone who is hell bent on not believing you, so just stop it, especially if the claims are unsubstantiated. If you feel the love is gone and you cannot bring it back just swallow your pride, do yourselves both the favor of a lifetime, and leave.

DO NOT BE JUDGMENTAL

Everyone needs to be themselves in order to feel good and satisfied so the best kind of person anyone will want to be around is one who will be accommodating. When he tells you something that is potentially damaging or sensitive for him; something that he clearly thought long and hard before sharing with you, or you just stumbled on him, don't laugh and point and giggle and be a child about it. Listen and as long as it's something that does not cause harm, live with it, and obviously do not stoop to the very low level of gossiping about it with your 'friends'; do they even tell you about their funny and secret relationship issues?

KEEP HIM FULFILLED
This applies to spiritually, mentally, physically, and in all other ways, and sooner or later, he will reciprocate it if he is not already doing it. Even if he doesn't, be the bigger person and do it, your repayment will be done in full before you leave this earth..... The old reggae song sang that a hungry man is an angry man and this could not be more true and also, sexual frustration has been linked to depression (apparently hehe) so do not contribute in the creation of angry, mental psychos with no morals....




LEARN TO LET THE LITTLE THINGS GO
Finally, let the small things slide (I'm not talking about about the kids lol). Most times you find yourself twisted into something unrecognizable over something he did, like leave the socks in the living room on the couch for the trillionth time and honestly, they're not nuclear atoms so just understand that you will have to do so for the rest of your life. If for some reason or other that can't be you, then just leave because either way it's never that serious ☺️☺️☺️.

I am aware that many modern women will be up in arms over this, but just take it or leave it; it's simply a way to make your life easier and that much more fulfilling and at the end of the day, practicing these things will make you a better person all round and there is some joy that is always deep down in any nice person.

Until next time, keep it foxxy, and stay smiling my dears; chao!!
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RELATIONSHIPS FOR INTROVERTS

 I trust you have all been well, I have as well, just a bit lonely and melancholy as I'm sure everyone gets every now and then, which got me thinking, does everyone, especially extroverted people, get into this deep, dark place at some point? I believe they do, it's only natural.......

Right?               

Naturally, ladies are more outspoken than gents on matters relationship, hence their apparent resilience in the face of trials and tribulations in the relationship. So what happens when you're a woman and lack that trusty network that you can vent to?
Introversion is my gift, and it is also my curse.
The strange mix of characters that make me, me, have also ensured that I don't respond too well to nonsense and unnecessary drama which are apparently vital parts of any given relationship.
This has then made me push away or pull away from those I deem to be more trouble that they're worth, due to some being only there to hear of my latest relationship mishaps while never sharing their own in a costructive way or even helping out, and others being around only to use me as a kind of feel-good stepping-stone; everything is fine as long as I'm not doing as well as or better than they are.

So, I dropped them all and now have to wallow through this relationship murk by myself which is the main reason I started this blog and for pretty much everything else I do online. And you know what? It feels good to write down my deepest thoughts and feelings, hoping that they will be read by someone who is maybe going through the same things as I am, and the thought that they might feel a bit better in some strange way is what keeps me going, even on days I really don't want to write or feel I just can't push myself any more.

I write because it makes me happy, and in a sense I am fulfilled when these thoughts and words are out of me, as this is the closest thing I have to a listening and caring ear, the internet (where are our parents to chastise me for befriending the big bad web lol).
Sometimes it's easy, and other times it's not, and sometimes I almost reach for the phone to call a 'friend' for a chat, but then remember that they will just turn around and judge me, or share it with their bigger circle of friends to my detriment and I can't stand that though I wish I could for the sake of the greater good.
As much as it's fun and relieving to share with the internet, it's not the same as sharing with an actual person and getting instant feedback and responses, and support, whether real or perceived, so I suppose I am missing out.

Or not...... because the drama is something else....
Anyway, I would love to hear what my fellow introverts do and how they navigate relationships, if at all there are any out there reading my blog, so we can maybe share tips and all, and be friends (or not, lol).

Do have a lovely rest of your day wherever you are, and welcome back in a few days, when I will hopefully be done with getting an actual website of my own to keep this up, wish me luck.

ily my internet buddies, even if we don't exactly talk :)   
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PICTURE-PERFECT RELATIONSHIPS, AKA 'COUPLE GOALS'

Hello darlings! I trust you have all kept well, loving even if treated unkind, and  healthy even if broke lol....
So early this week, thanks to the internet and a bunch of sleepless neighbors, we were served some drama when a prominent vlogging couple had a nasty breakup, or extension of a breakup, and got some text and even video evidence of the goings-on.
This made me want to write about those picture-perfect couples we all have seen at some point of our lives (especially on social media), or even have the pleasure of knowing personally. Although there is no such thing as a perfect union of any kind, we are all really easy to deceive and find ourselves typing fast 'couple goals' on pictures of people whom we have never ever met just based on what they share online.
As either a victim or ambassador (depending on where you stand) of being idolized as a perfect couple member myself, I'm here to tell you that the fights are bitter, and the compromise needed is out of this world.
Contrary to popular belief, we do not always split the tab and the house chores, neither do we find ourselves completing each other's sentences and being synchronous in everything we do.

Sometimes he wants left while I want right, and others he won't eat dagaa yet it may be all I'm craving for.
Other times he will refuse to help out with some duty when I'm feeling too unwell to do it, or even act up a storm if I ask him to help, and I in turn will archive this to torment him with days, weeks, or even months after the event, at my own pleasure.
Outside, people see us stepping aside for the other to pass, or calmly arguing about some issue or other with healthy attitudes and hearty smiles, and for some reason they think that we carry this to our home and stay like that from sun up to sun down.
This is honestly not even possible to say the truth, because we are two different people with different backgrounds and upbringing, different opinions and even different hormones flowing through us, of variable concentrations and combinations, so stress will affect us differently, for instance.
I cannot even start to say how difficult it is when I'm pregnant or we are going through some financial issue or just generally under pressure from life;we borderline turn into animals and the house becomes a multi-room fight club.
When the kids are around and/or awake though, we try very hard to disagree amicably; so hard, in fact, that it is becoming a kind of second nature to us to have a diplomatic fight without raising our voices or lifting our fists against each other. Personally I grew up

in a home where my parents fought plenty, openly, and no holds barred, though never physically but verbally and up to this day, I can't stand being yelled at and being in an environment where people are yelling at each other stresses me tf out.
I do not want to put my kids through this, and fortunately, neither does he, so for this I am lucky-we all are, because we have relative peace of mind while at home, and even if the two of us are fighting, it becomes very exhausting to keep switching from angry to happy, back to fight mode then again play mode. Over time, I hope we will be able to stop altogether, but I am not disillusioned enough to imagine that our seas will be permanently calm.
Still, I keep praying for the best.
I believe that it is this kind of irrational thinking that has pushed the divorce rates through the roof, the thinking that one can find a spouse that will never be angry, will always be supportive, and will never be broke (lol for that one especially). It is not even that they grew up in perfect households, and they are not perfect themselves, but they seem to think that they can have a tv-kind of person, and it saddens me to say that girls and ladies are the worst afflicted.
It is so bad that I had a friend who used to tell me that she's 'talking to' about four guys at any given point, and when I asked her how she would feel if the guys were also 'talking to' other ladies, she hesitated before saying that she would not really mind. So then I asked her what her endgame was, and she told me she wanted to settle with one that ticked a majority of her boxes, which included having a car, and for the longest time ever, she would pick a guy then drop him, because according to her 'he was wealthy but didn't have good looks, or he was handsome but didn't drive, or he expected me to stop talking to the other guys'
..etc....
...etc....
....etc....
So eventually I told her she wasn't being realistic, and that she should also realize she had some glaring flaws herself so she can't just hop from boy to guy to boy and so on because eventually she would fail at her own game, and she chastised me, asking me why I was saying that things like driving were not necessarily deal breakers yet when I met and settled for my boyfriend/baby daddy/mzee he was driving.
I wondered if it had been a competition all along, but she went on to tell me that most of her friends

in serious relationships were with driving guys. It didn't seem to change her mind when I told her that he was not driving at the time we met, and we actually got serious a while before he  got the car, and though we stopped arguing at this point, I'm not sure if she heard me. All the same, she eventually settled down with a guy with a car, and a general nice personality, so I was kinda relieved that she had managed to have her cake and eat it too, and yes, there is no tragedy to read about here.
I was a bit careful about talking relationship issues with her after that however, because we were clearly of two very different mind-sets, and we drifted apart since then so apart from the random checking up on her, we don't exactly talk that much.
It just got home to me at that time that females seem to have their priorities messed up, because they will very often choose wealth over charisma, kindness, and even health.
I'm not saying go to the gutters to collect the brokest of the broke, after all guys will also seek out the most attractive female they can find to shack up with, just that you should not dismiss everyone who can't drive you to a black-tie dinner every two weeks because who knows, you may walk everywhere but glow from the unadulterated love you are getting, all while keeping fit.....
That's all I have for today, and I hope that people(women) will stop trying to get impossible ideals while they are themselves very basic and have little to offer besides warmth on a bed. Til next time, stay sane my friends!
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AM I RUNNING OUT OF TIME?

Ok my dear foxxes, I realize I have been asking a lot of questions of late, but I promise that this is the last one, cross my heart (I'm not going to finish that.....)

This is not drama per se, or even advice, just more reflection of life in fact, and a general musing of my feelings(?)

Lately I've become very melancholy, and more up and down than usual, now very happy, then very sad, then suddenly very depressed and hopeless, then calm and carefree the next second.
 It's a Rollercoaster for me and unfortunately I'm taking my kids and family along with me, and I

don't think they like it a lot to be honest. I'm pretty sure it's not the baby blues because the little one is almost a year and a half old, and apart from the cheating drama a while ago and other crap the situation at home is pretty stable.
Also, with my super-nanny around I am free to move around a bit so that is that and I honestly don't know what the problem is.

I have been having a dull ache in my head for a while now though, and at some point it became really bad and though we scheduled an appointment to get a scan done, I chickened out at the last minute.

Right now there's always one reason or other for waking up with a headache though, mostly being that the babies wake me most nights so my quality of sleep is not too good. There is also a lot that I'm trying to get done as well: school, this blog, the babies of course, my career, and not to mention my main family's drama lol (my mom and siblings that is).
When I got the babies, I started planning for their futures (I do a lot of planning and I love it haha). I want to teach them how to bead, how to knit, how to crochet, how to read, how to write, how to garden, how to sew a button on a cloth, how to bake a cake, how to tie a tie, how to express themselves and how to behave in public, how to draw, how to do basically everything I know how to do, better, and more things than I know. I want them to know how to mix science with art and get to their aspirations and always dream big no matter what.

I want to show them how to read between the lines, and to follow their instincts because intuition is our secret super power, those of us who don't let it drown in society's deceit and manufactured lies. I want them to know they are my priority and that I will always be there for them, whatever they need, and no matter how scary I am sometimes haha.

For all of these things, there's a hopelessness at the back of my mind so deep and sincere that I can't get it to move at all. It is starting to feel more and more like I don't have the time to do any of that, and between the scenes of impending doom and loss in my mind, I feel as if I will not be able to.
There is a sense of urgency inside me that I cannot escape, and I'm not sure if it's because I've always been the one to see every possibility, and most of them are grim and doom.

I don't even have the strength to pick fights of late, and it seems that I've become boring when I'm a pushover because there's no brakes anymore, he'll outright say it to my face how some girl we're looking at is very hot, or how another one sounds very intelligent so he's going to follow her on Twitter, how I've gotten older than I was a while ago (*insert a very drawn out 'duuuhh'*) etc etc. All of these are ok and probably true to some extent, but they kinda play on my insecurities, which were all instigated by - you guessed it - his damn cheating and general assholery in the first place....
This is getting out of hand, and I don't know why he thinks he has the right to say things like that to me, and in rapid succession also, not even giving one scar time to heal before adding damage. He really is the type to kick someone who is already down smh.

I'm getting so damn tired of this I swear.

Til next time, peace my foxxy mamis.

                                                                            XO

STILL GASLIGHTING

Hello dears! I wrote about gaslighting a while ago and this morning I was utterly dismayed to wake up to some more of it.
About three days ago I realized I might be a bit toxic myself, based on occurrences from that night and I really went through it, aiding with this revelation were the suicidal thoughts, the immense stress, and a dawning of a weight so heavy I felt I might crumble underneath it. I broke down, and asked for help, but felt I did not get any.
So this morning when I woke up, tired from a home visit that lasted the whole afternoon, I was getting ready to make an effort in seeking out my episodes of toxicity and drowning them. Went to the living room while he was getting ready to leave, with the kids running around, and after some regular, random conversation, I asked him if he would take some tea. He asked, "Tea?
Is there actually tea?
Did you make it or was there someone to make it?"
Strange line of questions, and strange flow too, especially because the nanny makes tea most mornings. He asked these with a smile that felt strange to me, then said "sure, I'll take some".
I found a used cup on the table and assumed it was the nanny's but thought it strange she would just leave it there as we tend to each take our dirty dishes to the sink. I brought clean ones and set them down, and poured the tea.
He went to the bedroom gathering up his stuff, then asked for socks, so I went and got him a pair, then asked him about the tea getting cold, to which he looked at me surprised, asking "what tea? I had mine the first thing when I woke up".

Honestly, what the eff was this now. I looked at him waiting for this sickening joke to be over but that did not happen.
"I asked you if I should pour you some tea, to which you said yes. Before that I had asked you if you had taken tea, and you did not give me a straight answer which is why I asked again in the first place".
Blank stare back at me with a strange expression, developing in the background. "I did not say any of that......."
"You know what, it's ok, never mind and just forget about all of this", I say as I head back to the living room and start pouring his tea back into the flask.
He finds me doing it and asks, "you actually poured out a cup for me?" Surprised now.
I'm honestly not even angry-yet. Just mildly disappointed and I tell him quietly, "you know this is why I ask you to know the right time for playing and when to be serious. You were probably joking when you said it and I didn't catch it so when you moved on from the joke and forgot about it, I did not". I finish  pouring the tea back.

What is happening?
Am I rationalizing his gaslighting and making it out into logic?
And is it for me or for him?
Why is he doing this to me, is it because I broke down that day and made the mistake of telling him about the turmoil in my mind? Because it definitely feels intentional, like he grabbed the knife end stabbing me and gave it a hard twist.

I hear him say he's leaving, but by now I have started retreating into my mind, and feel like I am floating away from this familiar hell. I go to the bedroom and sit down on the edge of the bed and think. My thoughts start to turn dark so I pick my phone up and scroll randomly, then walk around the room, then go and take my tea, by which time he's gone. I walk around the house some more, tidying up a bit as I go, then decide to go to the shops and get some airtime for my phone, and see my tailor also.
At some point I decide to warm the stew because first baby is crying for food, though I know he doesn't actually want it, but then decide to go out first and get back to that when I return because the nanny is doing some cleaning outside.
I go out, chat with the tailor for a while, then come back to a compound smelling mildly of burnt food, and my mind trips some switch.
I run to the kitchen and confirm that I never turned the cooker off so the stew burnt beyond recognition and I curse myself.
I've been so preoccupied with his brazen attempt at gaslighting me that I have kind of switched off real life for a while.
I'm angry and think a lot of dark thoughts, but calm myself down, then carry on picking random stuff up; the kids are being a good kind of distraction, I think.
So now as I sit here writing this I am still reeling from the cold nature of this person that I had children with.
Is he trying to make my already fragile mind break, or is he trying to drive me to kill myself because he doesn't have the nerve to ask me to leave instead? I'm confused, and thinking of taking action before this gets to greater heights and I lose myself, or worse.
Wish me luck in my navigation, and stay Foxxy as ever dears, Chao!
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PERILS OF BEING A SIDE-DISH;DON'T BE DUMB, PLEASE

Ok so hear me out before you call me a bitter and mean spirited woman who hates her fellow women; if you are going to have an affair with a married guy, at least pick a rich one because honestly what are you, in love with him? Female, please.

I am a believer in the sound logic that love is a feeling, and as with other feelings like hunger, anger, joy, grief, etc, you cannot stay in that same state forever, so what do you do when one thing leads to another and your married man gets you pregnant? The options there include, but are not limited to, abort the poor bastard, or get used to the idea of being a single mum because the third option is to blackmail him, but for what - to trade places with his first family?

Lol. 

 Plus if he's wealthy or influential enough he will just have you killed, or his wife will, we've seen this happen all too often after all- the noisy side chick who just discovered her equal rights as a lover is almost always literally not worth her master's reputation. 

They are probably already sick of his shit so if you want to help him carry his cross then go ahead, but this road often only leads to darkness and frustration, plus it is a waste of an otherwise worthwhile and/or lucrative sin so……

I will go out on a limb today and offer some advice to you: If you are cheating, go for a rich guy, it will always be better to supposedly cry in a range rover (better yet if you own it) than to laugh on a bicycle, as the popular hit song says. Money is not happiness but it is certainly a means to an end so as long as you are ‘loving’ someone then make it worth your damn while and do not feel like you will be shamed for it by broke men. 

After all, they always seek out pretty ladies to marry so why the hell do the standards change when women want to get rich guys? It’s more or less the same thing after all.

Another error you could make is getting it on with a guy who has issues because lady, believe me when I say this, if his mother couldn’t fix him and neither could his wife, then you’re getting yourself on a roller coaster of misery. Initially, he will make you believe that you’re fixing him and helping him and you, as a natural-born caregiver, will be very proud of your good work, but soon enough, you will find yourself carrying more and more weight than you bargained for, and the longer you stay the harder it gets to extract yourself from this situation.

A not so well- known thing out there is post natal depression for men; yes it surprised me as well *insert indignation here* because they’re supposed to be this solid, dependable, cornerstone of logic and sanity, right? This group of men is another one that dumb women tend to fall for, because he will either receive, raise, or exchange hell with his significant other at home then go out whining that he’s getting no love at home. 

Since everyone knows how moody a pregnant woman is, and how distracted a new mother is, it will be tempting to believe that he’s the helpless victim of his dragon-like wife at home while in fact you have no idea of what’s happening. Stay with this one, and you will soon be hyperventilating from a double-dose of hormones because he will carry what’s home (where he sleeps a great majority of the time) and add it up with what he has and hand it all over to you.

 There's another kind of man to avoid, and I suppose at this point I should make it clear that all these are different degrees of married men. This one is the 'new-wealth' kind of guy, or 'tenderpreneur' as we affectionately call them around here, often with a curse under our breath. He was a random average guy, but soon came into some fortune or other, and now feels that his breeches no longer fit his so he expands his roost by acquiring a thousand fleas like the mangy dog he is ..

             ********************I think I need to take a deep breath*******************

So ok, now you are all in his pockets; smart, silly, caring, careless, hungry, proud, naive, disillusioned, etc, because he often does not have the time or need to sort you all out and stick to one type. 

While you're here there's a good chance that one of the others will try to perform a take-over and wipe out her competition, as was the case with the recent Kori character, and because none of

you can see the forest for the trees, you will find yourself in a fight of some degree, ranging from petty to death, which will honestly all just be the jingling of loose change in his pockets so whichever one that wins is totally inconsequential because he will toss you all out in a moment or decide to add a few more in-for the variety, you know. 

Bottom line though is that you're all very dispensable to him. So just know your worth, and even if you don't, at least think of the people who actually care for you, like your mother, or father, or even siblings and close friends. Don't throw yourself away like that.

I hope I have made some change in the world with this post, in the positive at least, because of late it is starting to feel like any kind of change is better than stagnancy. I will leave you with that, before I start to ramble, and as usual keep it foxxxy as ever, cheers!

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WHY IS HE ASHAMED TO BE SEEN IN PUBLIC WITH ME?

Hello and welcome back my dears!! You can also find this article over here: https://foxxyma.com/why-is-he-ashamed-to-be-seen-in-public-with-me/
Anyway, it's been hot, dry, and generally terrible over the past few days, and I feel like I'm barely holding on....
Anyway, I mentioned in my last post about hanging out at the boyfriend's office once or twice and getting strange vibes from him so at the end of the day I composed myself and asked him if he feels uncomfortable hanging out with me in public, around his friends etc.
He took a deep breath and I had my answer, so when he finally spoke it I was not particularly surprised.

He said it was not right among his friends to be constantly seen with his girl all the time, as it would deduct points from his man-card and all.
He said, society had made it out to be that the woman stays at home (screwing the gardener, I presume lol) while the man goes out to bring money and food home. If he is

always seen with his woman in tow, the other guys will start to avoid him, as they will feel that he is pu$$y-whipped, and as they avoid him so will the networking opportunities become less available.
I was honestly dismayed because this made sense, and as much as I don't like it that's the way it is.
So I swallowed the hurt and fixed my face and let go of that, but still it makes me feel bad every now and then, because it was not the same case when we were still dating; very few places were out of bounds for me.

Though when I think of it maybe it seemed like that because we were not living in the same damn house, using up each other's air and generally subjecting each other to a lower standard of life lol.
So today's post is like a lamentation of love lost, not due to his misdemeanors and general assholery but due to the society we live in today, in which it's pretty much illegal to spend time with the woman you married or want to marry, yet in a strange twist, it would not be a problem to hang out with a side dish around those same people but would actually give you a higher credit rating among them.
In the words of the dearly departed and much beloved Oliver Mutukudzi, what shall we do?
Well this one blew up, kinda... read it here as well!

X

DEATHLY HALLOWS; OF RELATIONSHIPS THAT END IN DISEASE, ASSAULT, OR DEATH

Hello mamis!! I hope you're all doing well, I missed you (from the bottom of my heart I promise) so welcome back, and pick your assigned seats......
Last week was wild; from the story of the gospel artists who had some convoluted threesome and infected the lady with herpes (the Greek God of STD's as somebody I know calls it lol), and the tale of the randy pastor who tried to get some former students into bed, to the sad event of the woman who got murdered by her husband and his lover (they say it's a bit complicated so I will leave it at that).
I honestly don't even know where to start, or how much to give to each individual unit, so here goes the mixture of all the mentioned and probably some more, in as good an order as my kinda tipsy mind will allow (do not judge me, I wrote this on a Friday)...

So, PART 1: THE GOSPEL ARTISTS
This one is headed in red with good reason: church people, preacher's kids, and generally gospel
personalities in the limelight have for the longest time been prone to drama, and very unlikely scandals, from theft and abuse, to promiscuity and even murder, they have it all. makes you wonder about those hidden from public view......
So anyway a lady sent a series of messages to a famous blogger in the 254, telling him she had some juice on gospel artists who are not at all what they claim to be. By the time I got to the end of her story though, I had already taken plenty pinches of salt because in summary it went something like this: Guy X calls lady, who featured in some video or other, and tells her he wants to meet up, and she agrees. This is after they have chatted for a while and have become familiar with each other, in the millenial way at least, so they are flirty and have actually agreed to meet up to sample the forbidden fruit. On arrival at the meeting point, X is with friend Y and after lady boards the car it is decided to  go to Y's house instead of paying for a lodging as earlier agreed. Lady agrees, and they go to the house, then start to make out after some drinkd consumption (I'm not sure whether it was alcohol or soft drinks). As the momentum builds up, lady says she is uncomfortable of doing the deed in front of Y, as at this point they are all in the living room, and X graciously agrees, so they move to the bedroom. Once there, and smack in the middle of things, the door opens and Y walks in, naked and ready for action, and he wastes no time starting to fondle lady and etc haha.... Lady objects to this, as it was not part of the arrangement, so it ends at this point, she dresses up, and leaves.
On a future date, Y sends a text message to lady, asking her to kindly forgive him for his misdeeds, and she (kinda) agrees, so from this they begin to talk. One thing leads to another and soon enough they meet up and do the deed, this time X is not in the equation and as it goes, they raw dog it because, well, natural selection and all....
Some time passes after this encounter, and trouble begins, when lady develops some painful boils and sores around her treasure trove, and one hospital visit leads to another, and soon enough the expenses are too much to keep up with even with her sister and mother helping her out. By the time she's diagnosed with herpes, it is situation critical and so she texts Y and lets him know of her mishaps. He delivers true to forms, and ignores her, refusing to send any money and telling her to go right ahead when she threatens to go public with their rendezvous, which she does, even getting an interview on TV to tell of her woes.

Here are some questions for that section:
1) She was at least 19 years old by that time, legally an adult, and she knew full well what they were going to do (hell they did it severally), so why is fida claiming they need to assist, and throwing around rape allegations, yet lady never said they forced her at any point? The only criminal thing in this case would be if Y knew that he was infected, and went on to infect her intentionally refusing to use any protection.
2) What end result did she expect exactly, jumping from one guy to another, neither of which she knew, and even being bold enough to not used protection? I honestly want to know what her endgame was.
3) On going public with this story, what has she done to her dating prospects for the future? She is after all carrying a disease, after sleeping with two guys she was not in a relationship with and whose circumstances are generally suspect.... I am not being a judge here, but honestly if you have at least three brain cells co-operating you know that safe sex is the best sex.
I write all these at risk of being labelled a woman-hater and such, because there are always such individuals out there, but I would appreciate it if I got responses to my three questions above, as I am indeed very curious.

PART 2: PASTOR TESTOSTERONE 

Three ladies told of the story of a pastor who used to go to their school to minister with them, before they cleared school last year, and whom they randomly met at some mall in the city. They were naturally happy to see him, so they talked and hang out a bit then went home, only to get a call at around midnight from the guy. He told them something about needing a place for the night so they directed him to their place (shared I presume), where they somehow civilly passed the night. The next morning, he came up with a grand idea to go on a road trip out of they city and they all agreed, not telling their parents since they were to get back that same day after all.
Needless to say, this did not happen, and at some point they went to a club and the pastor did not drink, but he offered to buy them alcohol which they refused (thankfully). All this time they were with a friend of the pastor who took alcohol, and by the time they were done, it was night, and they had no fare, and could not call their parents to ask because this would land them in trouble, and since the pastor offered to pay for a shared room with two beds, they agreed to stay, only to be told once they got there that "two circumcised men cannot share a bed". Two in the pastors bed and one with the other guy, it was a long night, during which the pastor kept trying to grope them, so the ride back home the following day was extremely uncomfortable needless to say.
When they got back in home territory, trouble was not over yet because he invited the two remaining girls to a fellowship at the church, as one of them left the second she could, wise if you ask me... Soon after their arrival at the bustling meeting, everybody left and it was once again just the pastor and his two scared victims, whom he tried in vain to convince to go back with him for one last night but they refused.
Here, I will not ask questions but rather just state a fact: Gospel music and Christianity as a whole is a sham in Kenya, where the scoundrels all go to hide, so that they can escape judgement from their fellow man but seem to not give a hoot about the one they claim to serve.

PART 3: WIFE, MISTRESS, NEW LOVER, POSSIBLE OTHER LOVER ETC 
This is the saddest part, because it left one woman dead, and a few children in broken families missing one, or in one case both parents...
The body of a woman was retrieved from a dam last week, leading almost immediately to the discovery of her car which was also missing for a day. Her husband had reported her missing the previous day, an due tho fast development of the case was arrested when he went to the dam where the body was found, claiming he had seen a post online saying a woman's body had been found, and he was looking as he was still trying to find his wife. His lover was arrested soon after to aid in investigations and the next day, the story thickened when his very first wife came forward to tell her story, of how he left her and their daughter after some years together, to go and be with the lady who had been murdered. It was a sad case of karma, and it was even stranger still when yet another lady emerged, or rather was dug up from social sites, having taken various pictures together with the guy.
Four women in total, and three children whose lives will be changed forever. We always hear of red flags and all that and sometimes it ends in this worst case scenario of murder, because the guy most likely wanted to leave this second woman, for either the third one or the fourth one, and carry on like that until the end of time. So why do some men feel the need to jump continuously from one woman to another for the rest of time, and actually lead each woman to believe that she is the only one and the final one, makes me wonder is it lust or deceit that makes these relationships fun for the guy?

All in all, it was a hectic week all around and I am glad it's over, on to new challenges and all that, think of ways to further my life and whatnot. Stay safe my friends, and stay disease-free as well but above all, stay smart and until next time, keep it foxxy!!
Also read it here!

                                                                     XOXO

THE APP OF THE DEVIL LOL

The day of lovers, what a wonderful, warm, love-inspiring name.... if only we were a pair of normal people who did not respond to feelings of disconnection in our relationship by downloading tinder on our phones *sigh*. Welcome to today's post though, read on, that you may be wiser where I was not, and that you may not fall in the same potholes I fell in....

The story begins when we have a mood fight at some point of the evening because I'm feeling unwell and don't get the degree of pampering for the length of time I had envisioned and I end up feeling lonely, bored, restless, and alone.

 They were not wrong when they talked about an idle mind being the devil's workshop, and in the wee hours of the night with sleep still some light years away from me, I get a bright idea. Pick up my phone, and try to resist at the last moment, opening pinterest to look at some crochet ideas in a small effort to occupy my mind. It doesn't really work, the way nothing does when you have sex on your mind, so with a sigh, I open the play store, and start to type.

It seems the universe is plotting with me here, I get the suggestion just after the first letter and click on it, then click 'install' with a kind of anxious hope that my phone does not have enough memory but alas, I did get the extra RAM for moments like this, clever, silly me. At this point I am strangely starting to get sleepy but it's too late now and there's no turning back. So I log in, and get asked to confirm my phone number, but start to get taken round in circles because I didn't pick the facebook option to log in, and I didn't want to because *information theft.....
I have to do this in the end though, and this worsens my already bad mood some more, but I am in, and I have messages, from my past chats, like a year and a half ago. I curiously go through them, stealthily creeping along not to trip any live wires that might be there, but only for a second. I loose the care in a snap and go through the messages, responding to some, ignoring others, swiping left and right on the main page, etc. I get a message and I am rather surprised, it is after all half past one in the morning, and I though it would take a while to get those old gears going. It's a blast from the past, with a VERY randy message, one that makes me look over my shoulder in a mix of fear and childish glee.

Wow....
Do I want to do this really?
I don't feel too sure if this is what I wanted........... So I respond in the positive and it's on, but not for long. Seems my chat-mate is sleepy as he's soon offline, I learn after I doze off myself and wake up to no responses. I get a brief vision of hastily undressing in the throes of passion just to fall asleep before any activities, barking dogs, ha.
Naturally, I awake with some difficulty at some minutes past eight and wonder if my indiscretion is still private.... The notification bar is alive with a million things; twitter, whatsapp, instagram, telegram, text, and of course, tinder. I carry the phone to the living room where he's sat down, we pour the tea and pair it with some sweet potatoes that I regret buying; they are watery and stringy as hell but well whatever.
A child randomly yells outside, another screams, so I go outside to investigate but cannot come to any conclusion with no injuries in sight, I go back to my tea. We have some conversation about nothing in particular amidst sips of tea and screams of babies, and he asks if I will be so kind as to open the gate for him, I agree, and though I catch something there I am not too sure what it is so I
release it.
He leaves, I finish my tea, then pick my phone up from the seat where I left it, and start to clear the notifications one by one, but there are no red flames from tinder any more..... I was sure there were about four when I woke up, or did I open the damn app before going out to look at the yelling kids? I can honestly not remember at all so I let it go, no point losing my mind over something I will know soon enough, one way or another.
Days pass and I guess he's gotten as numb as me, or is playing some strange game so I think ok, I will wait it out and cross that bridge when I come to it.....
Also read it here!
                                                                    XOXO