THE ROLE OF ALCOHOL AND PEER PRESSURE IN BROKEN FAMILIES

In general terms, most people of dating age visit a pub, club, or bar every so often to dance and drink the night away, and this is the age group between 21 to 32 years, according to my random approximation and observation. Obviously, there are those that do not want any association with the brew, but those are possibly a small minority and I don't personally know anyone of that kind, so I won't really speak for them.

Hello there, and welcome back! In case you missed it, catch last time's post over here, to know fifteen signs that the woman in your life is wasting your time. So, of late I've been thinking a lot about families splitting up and all the negativity that comes along with this. I wondered what exactly was the reason and came up with one, so here's my piece on what I think is the role of alcohol and peer pressure in broken families. Let me know what you think about it: if there's some truth or if I am growing into our paranoid mums over time, who swore that alcohol is the devil's brew, literally, haha.....

The Setting

As for the rest of us, we drink our better years away until we settle down approximately at 25 years for girls, 27 for the guys and this age is going higher each minute it seems. Probably, we settle down because we start to get serious and comfortable in the relationship, then get a kid, or two. Now, here the trouble starts, because the guy has nothing at all stopping him from keeping up his drinking apart from his principal and this is apparently practically extinct nowadays, while the lady- either by choice or by design, has to stop.

Read the rest over here: https://foxxyma.com/the-role-of-alcohol-and-peer-pressure-in-broken-families/

IS SHE WORTH IT? FIFTEEN SIGNS THAT THE LADY IN YOUR LIFE IS WASTING YOUR TIME

Hello there, and welcome back! So, I had discussed in some detail fifteen tell-tale signs that the man in your life is wasting your time over here; and because I'm always all about equality, here is the polar opposite of that article; to let the men know when they should leave, because ain't nobody wants to have their time (and money, love, food, emotions, bed-space etc) wasted ;)
So, is she worth it? Read below the fifteen signs that the lady in your life is wasting your time, and be ye informed!

1-She Only Calls You When She Needs Something

And when you have nothing to offer, she disappears or suddenly gets too busy for you. This is obviously the same type of female who will add a prefix or suffix to your name like 'atm, dinner, rent, fees' etc in her contact list. That addition is the real purpose you're in her life so read the lines, and leave, unless you love being what she's made you.

2-She Cheats

This is a no-brainer really, because someone that values you and actively wants you in their life would not cheat on you and risk losing you, because she knows this would hurt you, but if you're just passing through her life, then why not?

3-You Are Never In Her Future Plans

Keep your ears open and watch out for this verbal cue because a woman that wants you in her life long-term will put you there subconsciously. She will talk about a road-trip she's planning for next week, or a wedding she's been invited to next month etc, and you will be in the picture, but if she never invites you to future events with her and never alludes to you being by her side in years to come, it might be because she does not even think you will be with her tomorrow, and is simply wasting your time.

Read the rest of this post over here: 
https://foxxyma.com/is-she-worth-it-fifteen-signs-that-the-lady-in-your-life-is-wasting-your-time/

 

WHY IT'S DIFFICULT TO LEAVE A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP; AND HOW TO LEAVE

Hello there! I trust that you've all been great, and here's a quick recap on last time's article about Eight Things To Do If You're Stuck With A Selfish Partner, in case you missed it :). So today we will look at the reasons why it's difficult to leave a toxic relationship, and how to leave, when you finally gather up what's needed so to speak. I may get a bit in my feelings because, well, once again, this is a rather personal topic for me, so buckle up!

 

The Why's

1-The main reason why it's so difficult to leave a toxic relationship is the toxic partner's chameleon-like ability to change their behavior as it suits them, and because at their best, they seem like the best humans ever, nursing you and caring for you like no one has ever seen- and especially in public, but this is only so that they can tear you down mercilessly in private. They are extremely charming in public, or at least around people they hold in high esteem, or people who it serves their interests to show their good side like your family and friends, and sometimes their family and friends as well.

 Catch the rest of the post over here: https://foxxyma.com/why-its-difficult-to-leave-a-toxic-relationship-and-how-to-leave/

EIGHT THINGS TO DO IF YOU'RE STUCK WITH A SELFISH BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND

So, what do you do when you fall hard for that perfect human being, only to find out too late that he's the stuff that nightmares are made of, or she's the monster you prayed never to encounter? This gets compounded when their parents (mothers, especially) will just pretend to weep with you when you try talking to them of your marital woes, only to backbite you when you're out of site. Needless to say, you're too broke to leave this toxic situation, or you had kids with this monster and now a terrible situation is just that much worse because you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't. Now, what do you do?

At this point, I should probably elaborate that by selfishness, I mean putting their needs before you each time, and not paying much regard to you and what you want/need. A selfish partner acts as though they are alone in the relationship and cut you out of decisions and you are basically two individuals who should be close but are living as acquaintances.

This is not by any means a fool-proof therapy/advice post, but the straws that I had to grab at not to drown in the noxious fumes that were my relationship with a very selfish individual in my college days. I hope you do get a way to reach some dry land fast, before you lose yourself forever. Read on, and do not hesitate to leave a comment on what you think could help, if I haven't mentioned it. Here are the eight things to do when your boyfriend or girlfriend is a selfish piece of work....

 

1-Talk with them and let them know how you feel. As with everything else in a relationship, communication should always be the first resort. While you probably learnt or were taught how to act right early in life, some unfortunate individuals do not have the same luck. They may not have had anyone to show them how they should be, or they may actually innocently be obnoxious and immature from not being in an intimate relationship before. Before you throw in the towel and leave, sit them down and talk deeply with them, letting them know that it's making the relationship unbearable when they are like that, and if they do agree that they see the problem and decode to change, be sure to teach them how to be, and be patient with them while they learn. Chances are that their family and friends will also notice the improvement, and who does not want to be seen as a worthwhile addition to somebodies' life by their close ones?

 

2-Always try to look your best. So this may seem very materialistic and pointlessly vain, but looking good has actually been linked to feeling better so you should not let a bad relationship stifle your fashion sense. Wear nice clothes that fit well, apply some make up of you want to, and use some perfume to lift your spirits. Understand that your main purpose in life was not to be loved or to love this person you ended up with: any relationship takes two to tangle so if they value it they should pick up their slack and keep up with your efforts, otherwise, it is up to them if they want to fall by the wayside and try to manipulate some feelings out of you.

 

Read the rest of this article here: https://foxxyma.com/eight-things-to-do-if-stuck-with-a-selfish-boyfriend-girlfriend/

SIDE DISH CHRONICLES

This thing just had to get me in trouble, and a hell of a lot sooner than I had assumed it would...... Yea you read right: I decided that since I can't beat him then why not join him, maybe see things from his perspective and stuff.
So buckle up my foxxes, there's going to be some turbulence.....
Sometime last year after his text fiasco, there was of course another text, and another one, and some whatsapp texts and pictures, so I got sick of it and while in town shopping for a phone one day, I exchanged numbers with one of the attendants, tacky I guess but whatever, he was cute and I was drunk in vengeance.
I also scrolled through my contacts, and found one of a guy I'd matched with on tinder way back in 2016, after the second affair.... This is a story for another day .... So anyway I chatted them both up, of course the one I had known for a longer time got straight to business while we were covering friendly ground with the other one. I honestly don't

have a great answer for why I did this, but think it was more due to boredom and curiosity than anything else because heaven knows I had no serious intention of taking things to the next level with either of them (not to say I did not fantasize about it, though).

So anyway it's all friendly chats and random calls from one, and super risqué private chats with the other. Looking back I think I got caught because of lack of experience.... The last fight we had had before all of these, was a major one -phone breaking major- and I was still smoldering in the aftermath of adrenaline/anger/hatred/ everything I had felt.

catch the rest over here, guys: https://foxxyma.com/side-dish-chronicles/

A HANDY GUIDE ON WHAT TO DO IF YOU DECIDE TO STAY DESPITE YOUR PARTNER CHEATING

Hello loves!! It' been a while, but June is here, and it feels like winter has officially arrived around these parts and like an ancient injury, heartache often rises again sooner or later; the ache is dull but still there nonetheless so I've decided to write down a handy guide of how to live with your significant other, if you decide to stay through their philandering, for whatever crazy reason haha... read on!

Before you set sail on this difficult journey of forgiving a cheating partner, consider these five things:

1-Is it the first occurrence of infidelity? Has your partner cheated before, and what happened after that? Were there any repercussions and did you work through it? Was it with the same person or a different one? Answering all these will help you know whether your forgiveness is any good, or if you're in a sinking ship and whether or not you will choose to sink with it. Someone who cheats once has a higher chance of not cheating again than a repeat offender and also if it is with one single individual that they cheat severally with, or over a long period despite your protests, it may be a sign that they are deeply involved in feelings with the other person.

2-Did they volunteer the information or did you discover on your own? Sometimes, a partner will confess their cheating because, well, a guilty conscience needs no accuser, and while guilt is a sign that they regret their action it may not be a sure tell that they won't repeat it again. A cheat who is nonchalant about the affair will more often than not endure the bad looks and nasty words that they may receive, only to do it again because they're probably a sociopath haha... for real, though....

                              ***********************************************

So now that we've gotten that out of the way, here are eleven things that you need to do in order to give your relationship the best fighting chance, but as with all fights in the universe, be sure you know when to quit, it just might save your sanity or even life....

1-Try to forget. As much as this is honestly impossible, it may help you achieve some peace of mind. As much as you can never completely forget the emotions you went through when you got cheated on, do yourself a favor and avoid having a total recall by not obsessing over the event. Do talk it out and take as long as you need to until life feels normal again, so you can both continue as happily as possible ahead, or if you do leave, at least leave it behind and don't drag the unnecessary baggage around.

2-Work on rebuilding the lost trust. This is heavy lifting, because no matter what grand promises someone may make, they are always who they are and I personally believe a cheat is a cheat, but I am sure that people are different, and so just because I had a particular experience with a serial cheat it does not mean that everyone else out there is the same and will act like that. While my cheat lied several times that it would not occur again- yet repeated the act and feigned remorse, it is not necessarily true for everyone. If they seem willing to go down this path with you, then by all means take the leap of faith, and bring the big guns as it won't be a walk in the park; but with their cooperation things may work out well in the end. Have them know that it feels better to know their locations most of the times, and the company you are with, if at all this will ease your mind, and other such things to help salvage your faith in them. If they do not cooperate however, you can assume that it is because they are up to some more nonsense, or they feel that this is too much work to do for you, whichever the case, save yourself more regret and find the door...

Read the complete post here: https://foxxyma.com/a-handy-guide-on-what-to-do-if-you-decide-to-stay-despite-your-partner-cheating/

                                                                  XO

RANDOM MUSING ON HOW TO LOVE A MAN

Seriously though my fellow women, I think you should settle for a guy who loves you, but who you just like,the one who gives you butterflies every time you look at him; keep him in the friend zone, go to a therapist if you have to so that you see him as no more than a brother because the second you love him, you have lost.
Most men do not know how to be loved-how to reciprocate the love they receive, you see how they treat their mothers, who birthed them and risked and sacrificed everything in the world for them, an example is how casually he will lie to her over the phone or just ignore the call altogether when the two of you are together. If he does this to his own mother, what do you think he's going to do to you? You did not bring him into this world, you do not supply his every single need, you are just someone who loves him.
You are not the prettiest, the smartest, the wealthiest, etc, all those are walking around out there, so why would he not ditch you the second he gets a shot at something better, or just something a bit different (they always love variety after all)? You see, when a man discovers that you love him (remember that his mother also loves him, probably a lot more than you) and that you are willing to do anything for him because of love, he will realize he has a safety net to catch him any time he falls, and do you know what he will do? He will do random crazy experiments, little by little, and small ones at first to test your limits, but rest assured that they will grow in scale over time.

Each time he flirts and sexts another lady and he apologizes and you forgive him and let go, he will move to the next rung in the ladder, cheat, have kids outside, maybe even bring other women home eventually because he knows you love him, and you won't let anyone come between you two. If you have to love a man and be in a relationship with him, all the best, but just know that you will need to keep the leash supernaturally short; when you catch him smiling at another lady raise hell, and make sure he knows every second that you remember and you don't like it, so that he will know that the higher he goes, the cooler it will become, and maybe that will stop him but even then, set a standard beyond which you will not stay because if he knows about your standard, and you stay even after he steps over that boundary, my friend, Wetangula and his gold scandals have got nothing on you.
Women, are you with me? Love yourselves, and love your mothers, love your children and then love the others, (men are in this group), and in this exact order. If you choose to disregard my advice, you will suffer, you will come to this page asking why is he so heartless etc, and I will refer you back here. I hope that you will be better students in the school of life than the other schools where all we did was copy others' assignments and eat snacks in class. Learn from my experience and if you want, you can come for more classes on my blog haha.

So men, you're okay and all, and it's not that we want you banished to the ends of the universe because we kinda need you; but just settle for the love that your mothers give to you because when the rest of us love you it becomes the death of us, and I'm sure you don't want us all to die......... No hard feelings, but whatever, if you want to catch feelings then here's some gloves 🧤.
Also catch it here https://foxxyma.com/random-musing-on-how-to-love-a-man/

                                         XO

IS HE WORTH IT? FIFTEEN SIGNS THAT THE MAN IN YOUR LIFE IS WASTING YOUR TIME

Hey all, today I'm going to write about the signs that you need to look out for if you want to know whether the man in your life is there for keeps, or if he is just a passer-by. No woman wants to spend seven years next to some loser, all the while teaching him to be a better man and ironing out the kinks that his mother left behind, only to find themselves with two kids, no career, no savings, and no plan-B, on the third weekend of the month that he has gone on a drinking spree with his buddies like a naive alcohol-starved and hormone-ridden teen. Read on and be watchful my friends!

1- He won't commit
If every time you ask him what your relationship is he starts to glance around like a pickpocket and/or dismisses you, it's time to bounce because you are just a time-filler in his life, and like the billions of his kind out there, he doesn't know what he wants so good luck finding it out...

2- He still talks with former and potential love interests
His phone is chock-full of messages, texts, emails and the like to and from people he felt something for or even had a relationship with at some point in time. When you ask him about it, he will give the timeworn classic of 'she means nothing to me, we're just talking', or like a loser I knew once said 'she texted hello and I felt obligated to respond, my mother never raised me to be rude and it would have been rude of me to ignore her' ...... Like seriously, isn't it just totally psychotic to hide behind good morals while doing such an immoral and unethical act such as trying to double-time you? The nerve he had was something crucial to say the least though, and I hope it takes him very far in life.....very far away from me haha.....

Catch the rest of the post over here: https://foxxyma.com/is-he-worth-it-fifteen-signs-that-the-man-in-your-life-is-wasting-your-time/

WHY YOU ARE FEELING TRAPPED IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP

 Hello all! If you have been in more than three relationships, there is a very good chance that in at least one of them you developed the feeling that you were trapped; cornered and suffocated. Obviously, this is less than ideal because most of us seek out and engage in relationships in order to feel the joy, companionship, light, and laughter that being with a fellow human being is bound to bring.
Today I will go through the signs, reasons, and solutions to feeling trapped in a relationship so read on to find out if you are indeed trapped, and if there's something you can do about it...

SIGNS THAT YOU FEEL TRAPPED
So this may seem pretty straightforward, but just to clarify if indeed what you are feeling is trapped, here we go:
1-You are tired and unhappy;
2-All you do is give and give and give;
3-You are not yourself any more;
4-You are staying out of pity or guilt;
5-Your close friends and family notice you have changed;

Catch the rest of the post over here : https://foxxyma.com/why-you-are-feeling-trapped-in-your-relationship/

                                                                    XOXO

WHY MOST RELATIONSHIPS DO NOT LAST NOWADAYS

Of late it seems that when you turn to the left, a couple is breaking up and when you turn to the right, another one is hacking each other to death, or stabbing or shooting or strangling them and you have to ask, why is this?
Granted, we are living in a global village thanks to the internet and the distribution of information seamlessly and instantly from all corners of the world to everywhere else, so if you are looking for something you are bound to find it in plenty.
In the last five years, however, it just seems to me like I know a lot more people breaking up than I did say, ten years ago; I honestly hardly used to hear so many people splitting up even though there were still some. It seems that Millenials just can't stay together; they lack the patience and courage it takes to love and live with someone, and they really don't care. I have a few theories as to why this could be the case, and the main one has to do with the progression of gender roles over time.

Long ago, it was the man's duty to provide for the family, protect them, and fix things that needed fixing while the woman was to stay home, keep the house clean, and have lots of healthy, giggling babies. Due to humanity, though, some assholes abused this status quo and you would find men not supporting their families, instead going out to drink all night and supporting random women with their money, then beat their wives silly if they dared to voice their opinions on the same. Some women as well engaged in random acts of diva-ism; running around gossiping, partying and dropping babies randomly, not caring and nurturing them as a mother should. These are the women who mothered us, and the men who fathered us; are you starting to see the problem?
Responsible mothers naturally loved their children equally, but taught their daughters to stand up for themselves, and to learn to do things for themselves so they could support themselves in case they ended up alone. They taught them that there was no shame in walking away from an abusive and unsatisfactory relationship- they would receive them with open arms, so they did not have to prove to anyone that they could run a family unless they really wanted to.
As for the men, their mothers loved them also, but that is all they could/would do, and with their fathers away on endless contracts and drinking in the bars, the boys picked up random pieces of information from friends, neighbours, TV, and magazines (the days majority of which were still printed in hard copy of course). And with this, they left to face the world.
Now what do you get when you cross a very empowered female with a very emasculated male, and throw in the mix rapid modernisation?
A disaster, that's what you get.
Other mothers saw this happening and thought that they could love the emasculation out of their sons so they smothered them with even more love (and a little manipulation here and there), but they were wrong; breeding instead entitled little shits who could neither change a light bulb nor fry an egg for themselves when need be.
Probably because the little that they saw of their fathers seemed untouchable, happy, successful and content, they decided subconsciously that this was the way to be, so they carried this same attitude and behaviour and attempted to lay it on women who grew up seeing the endless tears her mother cried and the premature wrinkles she got from stress.
Disaster, I tell you.
The worst of this is that no one wants to change, as they see nothing wrong with them so why compromise? No one either wants to help the other change; if your mother didn't teach you then the world will, as the Swahili proverb warns. Is there any hope for us then? Because messed up children form messed up adults who raise messed up children and the cycle goes on and on, unbroken.
I believe that the change can only start when we admit that we are all screwed up in one way or another; and when we let go of this denial, then we will be able to heal ourselves and each other, seeing as no one is perfect and we have all sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God.....
Let me know if you think I'm right, and if you don't agree also let me know, so we can work on the healing little by little, and fix whatever we can to salvage humanity in some way or the other, or at least the family unit.
'Til next time, keep it foxxy my dears!
XO